Who’s struggling?

weepweeps said:
You’re only human Claire. It’s natural to feel these emotions. I’m sorry you can’t volunteer. How about a hobby you can do at home then? Maybe make a cake, sewing, reading, cross stitch. I do these things and they are really good for my mental health. And colouring. I love colouring.
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Thank you. I really do need to expand on my hobbies. I do enjoy colouring so should really dig out my colouring books
 
Claire W said:
Thank you. I really do need to expand on my hobbies. I do enjoy colouring so should really dig out my colouring books
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That would be a good one to start with. My colouring books are in the loft at the moment. I’m going to start up colouring again tomorrow. I’ll post my first pic on here. You do it too.
 
weepweeps said:
Hi. It sounds like such a struggle for you at the moment. Have you talked to your headteacher. Do they know how hard things are for you? Maybe you could reduce your days so you would have more rest time. Maybe your doctor could sign you off for a bit. They could also arrange for some tests to see what may help you to recover. Long covid is a new thing so it may take time for people to understand what will help. Good luck and take care. ❤️
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Spoke to my head of department today and head teacher. Got nowhere. More burying their head in the sand! Litterally told them I was having anxiety attacks and nothing.....
 
Lorcan said:
I seem to have awoken this morning with a bad case of dyspraxia and dizziness. I can't seem to keep a grip on anything today, either dropping it or somehow chucking it across the room. I can't seem to type properly, I keep skipping letters because my hands don't want to press the keys, like they just stop on top of the key then move to the next one. And every time it happens I hear my mother in my head, screaming that I need to be more careful and to stop throwing a tantrum just because. And that I'm just not trying hard enough to fix it. Because this always used to happen when I was a child and the more it happens the more upset I get, and the more upset I get the more it happens.

I could deal with it so much better if I didn't hear her screaming at me every single time.
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My partner is dispraxic. Bad days can be tough. They seem to come out of nowhere.

I have a narrative of my mother's voice too telling me how everything I do isn't good enough. They're just words but they stick. It's hard.
 
ThatPurpleB said:
Spoke to my head of department today and head teacher. Got nowhere. More burying their head in the sand! Litterally told them I was having anxiety attacks and nothing.....
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Well you tried to give them the opportunity to help you. I’d go to the doctors next and get signed off. You can’t keep trying to carry on. You have to give your body time to recover.
 
Qualcast&Flymo said:
I know this is meant to be a supportive thread, but I do feel some of the above posts come across as rather harshly judging. ( Maybe that's because of something that is thought to be a given and doesn't need explaining which I personally can't see) Understanding is a two-way street, you get what you give.
It isn't easy for everyone to adjust to changes in circumstances, including other people's name or gender changes. I can remember faces often, but I'm frequently at a loss with names and find myself embarrassedly saying "I'm sorry but I can't remember your name", and even after 25 years I still often find it awkward calling my OH by his (preferred) given name rather than its diminutive by which our mutual friends called him when I first got to know him. I also kept my maiden name at work after I married cos I thought it would be just so much hassle and confusion with colleagues and customers if I changed it. Yeah if people are downright rude or laugh at you, they're probably not worth bothering with more than you have to . I can imagine though that some people if a friend told them they were transitioning, would wonder how that would affect their relationship in the future - whether they would be the same in all other ways except gender.

sorry for the waffle. it's hard to explain properly what I'm thinking. Especially late at night. It's past my bedtime!
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What you're saying makes sense. Mistakes happen, we're human, but people being difficult is entirely different.

Being worried about the change is an entirely normal human response. There is a grieving process that takes place for those surrounding the person transitioning as well. Your hopes, dreams and plans as you imagined them in their assigned/old gender/name are gone.

It's important though that this grieving process is done without the person transitioning. It's important to grieve and work it through but with a different support group.

My partner has been unhappy for a long time. I want them to be happy. Yes I've cried and grieved about it, but this is only temporary so that my partner can be their true and happy self for the rest of their life. My temporary upset shouldnt derail one of the most postive impact full things they'll do. I'm happy for them and know this is the best for them and I have other people to deal with my feelings about it with.

The alternative is for them to detransition because they think they're causing an issue to everyone else and live the rest of their life unhappy.

Like any other change in life it will make people closer or grow further apart.
 
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Lorcan said:
It's a survival tactic, and I know where you're coming from. But there is a massive difference between those who genuinely struggle with adjusting to it, and those who refuse to put in the effort - and generally you can tell from the outset which is which. The person who would cry about how difficult I was making it for them, having to remember a new name and new pronouns - I've changed my name twice. First when I was 18 to Toni, and then at 25 to Anthony. This person spent 7 years refusing to call me by my legal name because how dare I change it. People like that aren't doing this because they find it difficult, they're doing it because they don't want to put in the effort. They don't want to change, they're comfortable with how things are, and how dare anyone ask them to call them by a different name (even when it's legal). Sometimes "sod it" is the only answer that's not going to make things worse.

People will struggle with it, and that's okay. Like I said, even I didn't get it right about myself every time, not at first. I don't expect anyone to "get" it immediately. But you can tell the difference. The early days of a social transition cam be exhausting and you've gotta pick your battles. But I forget that if you've not been there, you've not seen it from that point of view (that possibly sounds rude, I don't mean it to, but I don't know how else to phrase it?) and it can be difficult, maybe, to understand where the "sod it" comes from. So I apologise for that, because it wasn't my intention. I don't blame anyone for the wrong name/pronouns/etc unless it compromises my safety (that can happen, yes, which is another reason I left NI) but when someone isn't willing to put in the effort to change, I have no problem telling them goodbye.
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ThatPurpleB said:
What you're saying makes sense. Mistakes happen, we're human, but people being difficult is entirely different.

Being worried about the change is an entirely normal human response. There is a grieving process that takes place for those surrounding the person transitioning as well. Your hopes, dreams and plans as you imagined them in their assigned/old gender/name are gone.

It's important though that this grieving process is done without the person transitioning. It's important to grieve and work it through but with a different support group.

My partner has been unhappy for a long time. I want them to be happy. Yes I've cried and grieved about it, but this is only temporary so that my partner can be their true and happy self for the rest of their life. My temporary upset shouldnt derail one of the most postive impact full things they'll do. I'm happy for them and know this is the best for them and I have other people to deal with my feelings about it with.

The alternative is for them to detransition because they think they're causing an issue to everyone else and live the rest of their life unhappy.

Like any other change in life it will make people closer or grow further apart.
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Ah, sorry, I read it as meaning 'people' in general who have difficulty adjusting and remembering to use a new name or pronoun etc., rather than particular persons you've encountered personally since deciding to transition. My mistake.

What you say re grieving is very thoughtful and makes sense to me, @ThatPurpleB . Thank you.
 
struggling with anxiety last night, cant sleep properly because of hyperventilating :(
 
Qualcast&Flymo said:
Ah, sorry, I read it as meaning 'people' in general who have difficulty adjusting and remembering to use a new name or pronoun etc., rather than particular persons you've encountered personally since deciding to transition. My mistake.

What you say re grieving is very thoughtful and makes sense to me, @ThatPurpleB . Thank you.
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It's okay, I wasn't the clearest. I forget sometimes that trans things (and the rest of the LGBT+ spectrum) don't always translate well to those outside of the community. I don't mean that as an attack or as a...uh, what's the word? Not complaint, either. Like with the "people" thing. @ThatPurpleB knew what I meant, but I doubt you're the only one that didn't @Qualcast&Flymo and I need pulled on that sometimes, or at least reminded. Too easy for something to become clique-y otherwise.
 
Lorcan said:
It's okay, I wasn't the clearest. I forget sometimes that trans things (and the rest of the LGBT+ spectrum) don't always translate well to those outside of the community. I don't mean that as an attack or as a...uh, what's the word? Not complaint, either. Like with the "people" thing. @ThatPurpleB knew what I meant, but I doubt you're the only one that didn't @Qualcast&Flymo and I need pulled on that sometimes, or at least reminded. Too easy for something to become clique-y otherwise.
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Sorry didn't see you'd already replied! Saw your post about dispraxia but not the one before, although by the looks if it I've liked it without actually reading it!
 
The worst part is I don't have dyspraxia, but every so often I manage to develop symptoms of it, usually after a migraine. It may be part of the functional neurological disorder diagnosis, it may be linked to my (chronic) B12 deficiency issues.

Or it may just be that my hands are trying to drive me insane by refusing to do their job. 🤷‍♂️ But it drives me up the wall every single time, because I have better things to do than clean up glass because I've managed to drop or throw a drinking glass, or change my clothes and clean the floor/desk/walls/etc because I dropped a can of Coke out of nowhere.
 
evee said:
struggling with anxiety last night, cant sleep properly because of hyperventilating :(
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I saw on one of your other posts that you were having difficulty sleeping after drinking coffee. Try drinking decaf. Also coffee isn’t good for anxiety and also is can cause palpitations. Hope that helps.
 
Lorcan said:
The worst part is I don't have dyspraxia, but every so often I manage to develop symptoms of it, usually after a migraine. It may be part of the functional neurological disorder diagnosis, it may be linked to my (chronic) B12 deficiency issues.

Or it may just be that my hands are trying to drive me insane by refusing to do their job. 🤷‍♂️ But it drives me up the wall every single time, because I have better things to do than clean up glass because I've managed to drop or throw a drinking glass, or change my clothes and clean the floor/desk/walls/etc because I dropped a can of Coke out of nowhere.
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B12 deficiency can cause things like brain fog and other brain function issues. Once you start researching you realise just how important it is. I think it's linked to blood health and seen as blood carries various things all over your body I guess it makes sense how important it is.
 
ThatPurpleB said:
B12 deficiency can cause things like brain fog and other brain function issues. Once you start researching you realise just how important it is. I think it's linked to blood health and seen as blood carries various things all over your body I guess it makes sense how important it is.
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Yeah I remember when all the tests had been done, and everything had come back normal (hence the diagnosis of Functional Neurological Disorder) and I happened to mention the B12 issues offhandedly and the guy's like...you could've mentioned that one earlier lol. Diagnosis still held, with an added "and the chronic B12 issues won't help". The difference regular B12 doses has made is incredible.
 
weepweeps said:
I hope you have your family talk and it’s positive and you can find a way forward from it. If one of you isn’t happy it’s not going to work. I remember my husband telling me this about his divorce - It takes two to make a marriage and one to break it. ☹️ Good luck. Be brave. I’m around most days if you want to chat. 😘
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Claire W said:
I hope your family talk goes well and that you can get what’s on your mind resolved x
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The family talk didn't happen. Knew it wouldn't so no surprises there. It will have to happen soon because we are at the end of the road now. We've had an okish week, problems will begin at end of month before payday - when money has ran out but he still wants alcohol.

I've booked my theory test, made plans with friends to catch up and had a haircut so have made a positive start to Feb.

Hope everyone has a decent month.
 
Sar said:
The family talk didn't happen. Knew it wouldn't so no surprises there. It will have to happen soon because we are at the end of the road now. We've had an okish week, problems will begin at end of month before payday - when money has ran out but he still wants alcohol.

I've booked my theory test, made plans with friends to catch up and had a haircut so have made a positive start to Feb.

Hope everyone has a decent month.
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@Sar. That’s great news about your theory test. Good luck. Enjoy your hair cut and your time with friends. You can’t change their behaviour but you can change your own. Remember small steps.
 
Feeling rather sorry for myself atm :( the chest infection left (very thankful!) then “ladies things” came immediately after, I’ve never had the easy side of ladies things. On top of that I have to leave back to the uk in a few weeks and my partner can’t come with me this time, it will be the first time we’ve been apart in about 2 years and I’m ashamed to say I don’t do well without him, I was managing as well as I could but my “ladies things” have only amplified the upset I’ve been feeling
 
Rivervixen said:
Feeling rather sorry for myself atm :( the chest infection left (very thankful!) then “ladies things” came immediately after, I’ve never had the easy side of ladies things. On top of that I have to leave back to the uk in a few weeks and my partner can’t come with me this time, it will be the first time we’ve been apart in about 2 years and I’m ashamed to say I don’t do well without him, I was managing as well as I could but my “ladies things” have only amplified the upset I’ve been feeling
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I’m glad your chest infection cleared up. But it will still take you time to recover fully. Ladies things are so annoying and affect us all differently. I’m sorry you have such a hard time with them. Don’t suffer in silence. Have a chat with the doctor. There’s a lot that can be done to help nowadays. I’m not a confident traveller. But you’ve got time to make a plan. Your partner will know you are worried. Get all the information you need so there are no surprises. You can speak on the phone. Face time each other too. It will be like they are with you. Good luck.
 
I had been unknowingly struggling with anxiety for about the last year. It hit me hard early autumn and I then realised what was happening. I forced myself to look forward to my 40th birthday which was in October and actually it helped. Ive spent a few months getting back on my feet and feeling more positive again.
About a week ago I felt those feelings creeping back in. Struggling to stay asleep, waking myself completely up with worries about silly things which I then can’t get off my mind….such silly things which seem stupid to say out loud and things which can either be sorted or aren’t things at all. Trying to put the things I learnt of how to calm down into practise, not completely succeeding but being enough to get me almost functioning throughout the day.
Yesterday my daughter tested positive for covid so she is now in isolation and I’m off work to look after her. I knew I could never cope with another lockdown and Although this isn’t entirely the same thing, it’s only a week or so after all, but I can already feel the walls closing in. Daughter is fine which I’m so thankful for, a bit of a headache and a little bit sniffly but is her normal chirpy self. I’m going to get myself out for a walk when hubby gets home even though it’ll be dark and will try to do that daily unless and until I test positive (which I'm certain is going to happen given I need to care for my daughter). Need to do things to keep my mind busy given I can’t be at work. Doing some model making homework with my daughter at the moment and then may convince a few unwilling piggies and bunnies into quick cuddles - they’ll hate it but it will hopefully make me feel better.
 
I’m sorry your daughter has tested positive. But I’m pleased she seems ok with it. Lockdowns were so hard for some people and definitely a trigger for poor mental health and anxiety. It’s brilliant that you are mindful of your triggers and are dealing with them swiftly. That’s great. A walk will be good. Try and stick to a routine of getting up and going to bed at the usual times. That helps too. Take the time off work to do something constructive. Maybe sort the loft. Or go through everyone’s old clothes to give to charity. Wash the windows. Or just try and relax. Take some snaps of the piggies and buns. Would love to see them. 😍
 
Claire W said:
You may call it the green eyed monster rising it’s ugly head and it probably is but I’m really fed up with my sister in law getting everything handed to her on a plate. She was a little brat whilst growing up, falling in with a bad crowd, leaving home at 16, dropping out of college, falling pregnant accidentally at 17 and smoking and drinking away the money her grandma left her when she died. She’s now older and has come up smelling of roses. Getting every job she’s ever applied for, never struggling for money, passing her driving test first time and falling pregnant almost immediately with her second child. I’ve just found out that the opportunity has arisen for her to train as an optician!

I on the other hand can’t have children, went to university but struggled to find a job afterwards, took several tries to pass my driving test, have a lot of health problems, lost my job in 2018 due to my seizures and declining mental health so have to rely on benefits and have lost my driving license due to my seizures and mental health problems. My husbands a teacher so thankfully we do have money coming in but it can sometimes still be a struggle.

Sorry for the rant but this new revelation (the optician training) has really hit me hard as yet again, she’s come up smelling of roses without even trying. She works at spec savers (got the job with no experience or qualifications) and now they’re going to pay for her to train as an optician

We’re going to Nottingham at the weekend as it’s her birthday and I’m going to have to put on a brave face and be happy for her. I can’t keep doing this :(
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Hope your weekend went ok @Claire W.
 
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