Who’s struggling?
- Thread starter weepweeps
- Start date
Betsy
Anniversary Herd
Does that mean you are at risk of infection?
Betsy
Anniversary Herd
That sounds nasty. Take care of yourself x
Sar
Adult Guinea Pig
We are having a "family talk" at some point this weekend. It probably won't happen but will prove how somebody thinks so little of us he won't even discuss things with us.Hello @Sar. How are things with you?
I'm trying to focus on the things I can keep myself busy with. Thank you for asking and for your previous message too.
Hope everyone is having a decent weekend.
I hope you have your family talk and it’s positive and you can find a way forward from it. If one of you isn’t happy it’s not going to work. I remember my husband telling me this about his divorce - It takes two to make a marriage and one to break it.
Good luck. Be brave. I’m around most days if you want to chat. 
Claire W
Forum Donator 2024/25
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2008
- Messages
- 37,037
- Reaction score
- 29,604
- Points
- 2,915
My niece had pelvic lymphadenectomy when she was very young as a result of a mycobacterial infection (TB) that had colonised the pelvis. The surgery was carried out at Great Ormond Street and we were all very worried about possible long term complications for her. However, she has never developed lymphoedema and her immune system has not been compromised.
I hope that you are getting plenty of rest @CV26 and that you are noticing little improvements day on day.
ThatPurpleB
Junior Guinea Pig
Still really struggling with long COVID.
I have really bad fatigue and brain fog since the 1st time I had COVID. I had it end of July last year. And then have had it again over Christmas.
The brain fog is dreadful. I can struggle to string sentences together, simple things feel complicated and I forget things all the time. It's as if I get exhausted really easily.
I don't know what to do about it. I'm taking vitamin supplements and rest as much as I can but we all have things we have to do in life. I teach in a secondary school in a really deprived area which is tough normally but trying to do my job around long COVID is impossible. Then having COVID in the holidays when I needed to recuperate doesn't help. I was also ill in the October half term (not COVID). So I haven't been off work and well since the end of May last year.
I have a lot to deal with emotionally / mentally too. I went through many traumatic things as a child / teenager. I'm trying to build better coping strategies to deal with life. But changing habits, thinking patterns and feelings is hard when it's what helped you survive.
My partner has also changed name and gender. We've been together 15 years. It was no great shock when they announced it, I've always known their assigned gender wasn't right. They're my person, I still love them in thesame way. But it's still hard. The simplest conversations can become difficult as the words you've used for 15 years aren't right and it's using a whole different vocabulary when referring to them. When you load COVID brain fog onto that it becomes so much harder.
I have really bad fatigue and brain fog since the 1st time I had COVID. I had it end of July last year. And then have had it again over Christmas.
The brain fog is dreadful. I can struggle to string sentences together, simple things feel complicated and I forget things all the time. It's as if I get exhausted really easily.
I don't know what to do about it. I'm taking vitamin supplements and rest as much as I can but we all have things we have to do in life. I teach in a secondary school in a really deprived area which is tough normally but trying to do my job around long COVID is impossible. Then having COVID in the holidays when I needed to recuperate doesn't help. I was also ill in the October half term (not COVID). So I haven't been off work and well since the end of May last year.
I have a lot to deal with emotionally / mentally too. I went through many traumatic things as a child / teenager. I'm trying to build better coping strategies to deal with life. But changing habits, thinking patterns and feelings is hard when it's what helped you survive.
My partner has also changed name and gender. We've been together 15 years. It was no great shock when they announced it, I've always known their assigned gender wasn't right. They're my person, I still love them in thesame way. But it's still hard. The simplest conversations can become difficult as the words you've used for 15 years aren't right and it's using a whole different vocabulary when referring to them. When you load COVID brain fog onto that it becomes so much harder.
Lorcan
Forum Buddy
It took me a few years to stop misgendering myself in conversations. It took a fair bit of practice, and while it might be automatic for some people (and good for them if it is, one less thing to have to constantly remind themselves of) it's not always so easy for the rest of us.
Hi. It sounds like such a struggle for you at the moment. Have you talked to your headteacher. Do they know how hard things are for you? Maybe you could reduce your days so you would have more rest time. Maybe your doctor could sign you off for a bit. They could also arrange for some tests to see what may help you to recover. Long covid is a new thing so it may take time for people to understand what will help. Good luck and take care.
ThatPurpleB
Junior Guinea Pig
They still misgender and misname themselves. I misgendered them to the cat today.
I still call them their dead name and gender at work. Which is hard as I spend large portions of my life there. We've been dealing with telling people in stages but this one is for just me to do (my partner has only ever met 1 person from my work that we bump into at gigs). We have kids transitioning and changing names at work and I know they don't get it from the conversations about that. It was bad enough when I announced I was vegan. They didn't get that and were difficult about that, we'll see if this is any better.
ThatPurpleB
Junior Guinea Pig
My school very much has a burry your head in the sand attitude to staff wellbeing. Things are bad where I work. Kids and staff are dropping like flies with COVID. We had an incredibly tragic incident with some our students last term too that closed the school, and was (and still is) in the newspapers. But school carry on as if nothing is happening. We keep bringing up workload but last week were told we've never had so little to do and had a mock ofsted too just to pile on the pressure....Hi. It sounds like such a struggle for you at the moment. Have you talked to your headteacher. Do they know how hard things are for you? Maybe you could reduce your days so you would have more rest time. Maybe your doctor could sign you off for a bit. They could also arrange for some tests to see what may help you to recover. Long covid is a new thing so it may take time for people to understand what will help. Good luck and take care.
Long Covid is such an issue for so many people. I think in your shoes I’d speak to your line manager at work and explain how you are struggling with fatigue and brain fog. As for your partner’s transitioning, that is a lot for you and them both to deal with. Even without the effects of long Covid mis-gendering is a fact of life. But the decision as to who to tell and when is really difficult for you to manage, as you don’t want to out them to a group of people before they are ready - that can be particularly hard when you need the support yourself. Just take it one day at a time.
Lorcan
Forum Buddy
They still misgender and misname themselves. I misgendered them to the cat today.
I still call them their dead name and gender at work. Which is hard as I spend large portions of my life there. We've been dealing with telling people in stages but this one is for just me to do (my partner has only ever met 1 person from my work that we bump into at gigs). We have kids transitioning and changing names at work and I know they don't get it from the conversations about that. It was bad enough when I announced I was vegan. They didn't get that and were difficult about that, we'll see if this is any better.
It sounds trite, but it'll begin to feel more natural at some point. That's when it gets easier. Training yourself to do something is easier than trying to train yourself out of it.
ThatPurpleB
Junior Guinea Pig
They are now "out" to everyone but then there's people that they haven't told just because they havent seen them and then I see first. And then there's people (like people at work) that know me but not them. So then it's just me trying to explain. I cba with the questions or assumptions, we don't have an answer for everything and figure stuff out as we go. It has nothing to do with anyone else so I have no idea why people act the way they do. Noone calls me by the name on my birth certificate, I use a shortened version or a nickname. But you go from a "boys" name to a "girls" name (or vice versa) and that's all of a sudden an issue.
ThatPurpleB
Junior Guinea Pig
Thanks. I think that's part of it. Even using the correct names and pronouns it doesn't feel natural. It'll just take time. We must only be on about month 3 at this point!
Lorcan
Forum Buddy
9 years this month, and I still have to catch myself occasionally. Usually when talking about myself as a child because obviously I wasn't out then. And then you've got the people who cry about how difficult it is for them to remember and you need to give them time to get used to it and you need to stop reminding them all the time. Sod those people. They're not worth the effort.
ThatPurpleB
Junior Guinea Pig
Other people is what I find hardest. I just don't understand why other people care. It doesn't effect them. "I just don't get it" fine, you don't have to, that's not our problem.
I think "sod those people they're not worth the effort" is a trail of thought my partner uses for alot of things
Lorcan
Forum Buddy
I mean, that's my polite version. The one that goes through my head wouldn't really be appropriate for the forum, lol. It only affects them because they want to be affected by it, because it's all about how "difficult" it makes things for them, like your partner doesn't have to deal with the same difficulty a thousand times over.
I don't miss Northern Ireland for precisely that reason. I have the utmost respect for any trans brother or sister who makes it happen over there, but I had to get out for my own sanity. I had a mental health nurse hear about my coming out and asked me when I realised I was gay. Like, what. It wouldn't kill them to take 5 minutes out to look these things up, but instead they like to complain about the difficulties it causes them. Not remotely worth the effort.
Betsy
Anniversary Herd
You've hit the nail in the head @ThatPurpleB and @Lorcan. Other people can't cope with it so they act as if you're the problem not them. I'm the first to admit that I don't understand but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be understanding.
Qualcast&Flymo
Forum Donator 2024/25
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2017
- Messages
- 5,627
- Reaction score
- 12,386
- Points
- 1,925
- Location
- Solihull, West Midlands
I know this is meant to be a supportive thread, but I do feel some of the above posts come across as rather harshly judging. ( Maybe that's because of something that is thought to be a given and doesn't need explaining which I personally can't see) Understanding is a two-way street, you get what you give.
It isn't easy for everyone to adjust to changes in circumstances, including other people's name or gender changes. I can remember faces often, but I'm frequently at a loss with names and find myself embarrassedly saying "I'm sorry but I can't remember your name", and even after 25 years I still often find it awkward calling my OH by his (preferred) given name rather than its diminutive by which our mutual friends called him when I first got to know him. I also kept my maiden name at work after I married cos I thought it would be just so much hassle and confusion with colleagues and customers if I changed it. Yeah if people are downright rude or laugh at you, they're probably not worth bothering with more than you have to . I can imagine though that some people if a friend told them they were transitioning, would wonder how that would affect their relationship in the future - whether they would be the same in all other ways except gender.
sorry for the waffle. it's hard to explain properly what I'm thinking. Especially late at night. It's past my bedtime!
It isn't easy for everyone to adjust to changes in circumstances, including other people's name or gender changes. I can remember faces often, but I'm frequently at a loss with names and find myself embarrassedly saying "I'm sorry but I can't remember your name", and even after 25 years I still often find it awkward calling my OH by his (preferred) given name rather than its diminutive by which our mutual friends called him when I first got to know him. I also kept my maiden name at work after I married cos I thought it would be just so much hassle and confusion with colleagues and customers if I changed it. Yeah if people are downright rude or laugh at you, they're probably not worth bothering with more than you have to . I can imagine though that some people if a friend told them they were transitioning, would wonder how that would affect their relationship in the future - whether they would be the same in all other ways except gender.
sorry for the waffle. it's hard to explain properly what I'm thinking. Especially late at night. It's past my bedtime!
I think I get what you mean. Lol. You’re saying its hard for everyone involved not just the person transitioning. And mistakes will happen. But if people are rude then you don’t need to answer to them. Does that sum it up. Lol
Claire W
Forum Donator 2024/25
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2008
- Messages
- 37,037
- Reaction score
- 29,604
- Points
- 2,915
You may call it the green eyed monster rising it’s ugly head and it probably is but I’m really fed up with my sister in law getting everything handed to her on a plate. She was a little brat whilst growing up, falling in with a bad crowd, leaving home at 16, dropping out of college, falling pregnant accidentally at 17 and smoking and drinking away the money her grandma left her when she died. She’s now older and has come up smelling of roses. Getting every job she’s ever applied for, never struggling for money, passing her driving test first time and falling pregnant almost immediately with her second child. I’ve just found out that the opportunity has arisen for her to train as an optician!
I on the other hand can’t have children, went to university but struggled to find a job afterwards, took several tries to pass my driving test, have a lot of health problems, lost my job in 2018 due to my seizures and declining mental health so have to rely on benefits and have lost my driving license due to my seizures and mental health problems. My husbands a teacher so thankfully we do have money coming in but it can sometimes still be a struggle.
Sorry for the rant but this new revelation (the optician training) has really hit me hard as yet again, she’s come up smelling of roses without even trying. She works at spec savers (got the job with no experience or qualifications) and now they’re going to pay for her to train as an optician
We’re going to Nottingham at the weekend as it’s her birthday and I’m going to have to put on a brave face and be happy for her. I can’t keep doing this
I on the other hand can’t have children, went to university but struggled to find a job afterwards, took several tries to pass my driving test, have a lot of health problems, lost my job in 2018 due to my seizures and declining mental health so have to rely on benefits and have lost my driving license due to my seizures and mental health problems. My husbands a teacher so thankfully we do have money coming in but it can sometimes still be a struggle.
Sorry for the rant but this new revelation (the optician training) has really hit me hard as yet again, she’s come up smelling of roses without even trying. She works at spec savers (got the job with no experience or qualifications) and now they’re going to pay for her to train as an optician
We’re going to Nottingham at the weekend as it’s her birthday and I’m going to have to put on a brave face and be happy for her. I can’t keep doing this
Last edited:
You may call it the green eyed monster rising it’s ugly head and it probably is but I’m really fed up with my sister in law getting everything handed to her on a plate. She was a little brat whilst growing up, falling in with a bad crowd, leaving home at 16, dropping out of college, falling pregnant accidentally at 17 and smoking and drinking away the money her grandma left her when she died. She’s now older and has come up smelling of roses. Getting every job she’s ever applied for, never struggling for money, passing her driving test first time and falling pregnant almost immediately with her second child. I’ve just found out that the opportunity has arisen for her to train as an optician!
I on the other hand can’t have children, went to university but struggled to find a job afterwards, took several tries to pass my driving test, have a lot of health problems, lost my job in 2018 due to my seizures and declining mental health so have to rely on benefits and have lost my driving license due to my seizures and mental health problems. My husbands a teacher so thankfully we do have money coming in but it can sometimes still be a struggle.
Sorry for the rant but this new revelation (the optician training) has really hit me hard as yet again, she’s come up smelling of roses without even trying. She works at spec savers (got the job with no experience or qualifications) and now they’re going to pay for her to train as an optician
We’re going to Nottingham at the weekend as it’s her birthday and I’m going to have to put on a brave face and be happy for her. I can’t keep doing this
Morning Claire. Families! There will always be people who fall on their feet. And good luck to them. Others have to work for what they have. I think that you have a lot of things going on for you and it’s hard to be positive sometimes. Maybe it would help you to have something of your own to feel proud and happy about. Could you volunteer somewhere. How about helping children read at the local primary school? Or help out at your local charity shop or church? What hobbies have you got. Try something new. I know these ideas won’t help with your medical issues but they may make you feel happier inside.
Lorcan
Forum Buddy
It's a survival tactic, and I know where you're coming from. But there is a massive difference between those who genuinely struggle with adjusting to it, and those who refuse to put in the effort - and generally you can tell from the outset which is which. The person who would cry about how difficult I was making it for them, having to remember a new name and new pronouns - I've changed my name twice. First when I was 18 to Toni, and then at 25 to Anthony. This person spent 7 years refusing to call me by my legal name because how dare I change it. People like that aren't doing this because they find it difficult, they're doing it because they don't want to put in the effort. They don't want to change, they're comfortable with how things are, and how dare anyone ask them to call them by a different name (even when it's legal). Sometimes "sod it" is the only answer that's not going to make things worse.
People will struggle with it, and that's okay. Like I said, even I didn't get it right about myself every time, not at first. I don't expect anyone to "get" it immediately. But you can tell the difference. The early days of a social transition cam be exhausting and you've gotta pick your battles. But I forget that if you've not been there, you've not seen it from that point of view (that possibly sounds rude, I don't mean it to, but I don't know how else to phrase it?) and it can be difficult, maybe, to understand where the "sod it" comes from. So I apologise for that, because it wasn't my intention. I don't blame anyone for the wrong name/pronouns/etc unless it compromises my safety (that can happen, yes, which is another reason I left NI) but when someone isn't willing to put in the effort to change, I have no problem telling them goodbye.
Rivervixen
Forum Donator 2023/24
I’m sorry you’re feeling badYou may call it the green eyed monster rising it’s ugly head and it probably is but I’m really fed up with my sister in law getting everything handed to her on a plate. She was a little brat whilst growing up, falling in with a bad crowd, leaving home at 16, dropping out of college, falling pregnant accidentally at 17 and smoking and drinking away the money her grandma left her when she died. She’s now older and has come up smelling of roses. Getting every job she’s ever applied for, never struggling for money, passing her driving test first time and falling pregnant almost immediately with her second child. I’ve just found out that the opportunity has arisen for her to train as an optician!
I on the other hand can’t have children, went to university but struggled to find a job afterwards, took several tries to pass my driving test, have a lot of health problems, lost my job in 2018 due to my seizures and declining mental health so have to rely on benefits and have lost my driving license due to my seizures and mental health problems. My husbands a teacher so thankfully we do have money coming in but it can sometimes still be a struggle.
Sorry for the rant but this new revelation (the optician training) has really hit me hard as yet again, she’s come up smelling of roses without even trying. She works at spec savers (got the job with no experience or qualifications) and now they’re going to pay for her to train as an optician
We’re going to Nottingham at the weekend as it’s her birthday and I’m going to have to put on a brave face and be happy for her. I can’t keep doing this
mental health is a cruel thing and my anxiety has me feeling the same way about people who can simply manage and “cope” where I struggle to as well. Not everybody is dealt a fair hand. What I can confidently say is that you’re a wonderful woman that deserves the best, and it’s not your fault that life has given you the things that it has 
Lorcan
Forum Buddy
I seem to have awoken this morning with a bad case of dyspraxia and dizziness. I can't seem to keep a grip on anything today, either dropping it or somehow chucking it across the room. I can't seem to type properly, I keep skipping letters because my hands don't want to press the keys, like they just stop on top of the key then move to the next one. And every time it happens I hear my mother in my head, screaming that I need to be more careful and to stop throwing a tantrum just because. And that I'm just not trying hard enough to fix it. Because this always used to happen when I was a child and the more it happens the more upset I get, and the more upset I get the more it happens.
I could deal with it so much better if I didn't hear her screaming at me every single time.
I could deal with it so much better if I didn't hear her screaming at me every single time.
Claire W
Forum Donator 2024/25
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2008
- Messages
- 37,037
- Reaction score
- 29,604
- Points
- 2,915
Morning Claire. Families! There will always be people who fall on their feet. And good luck to them. Others have to work for what they have. I think that you have a lot of things going on for you and it’s hard to be positive sometimes. Maybe it would help you to have something of your own to feel proud and happy about. Could you volunteer somewhere. How about helping children read at the local primary school? Or help out at your local charity shop or church? What hobbies have you got. Try something new. I know these ideas won’t help with your medical issues but they may make you feel happier inside.
I’m sorry you’re feeling bad
Thank you both. Sadly my mental health and seizures are stopping me from volunteering. I just don’t have it in me
It just seems that my life is going nowhere and it’s a constant battle. I wake up every morning and dread the day ahead. I am pleased for her, I’m not that much of an ogar but she seems to always land on her feet without even trying. It’s hard not to be jealous when others of us are left to struggle and she’s handed everything on a plate
You’re only human Claire. It’s natural to feel these emotions. I’m sorry you can’t volunteer. How about a hobby you can do at home then? Maybe make a cake, sewing, reading, cross stitch. I do these things and they are really good for my mental health. And colouring. I love colouring.