I want to pretend it took me so long to post today because I lost my speech and was trying to find it. But, instead I'll admit that I meant to do it and didn't. Story of my life right there. It's why it's a miracle I managed to start vaping and quit smoking, I get distracted so easily lol.
Anyway. 365 days in. I have no idea if I've saved money or not. I probably haven't. But I have saved my health, even if it's been very little, and that's what I care about. Money was never the issue, I had my weekly tobacco and papers and tips spend baked into any budget I had, along with my caffeine budget (which still exists).
I can't even pretend it's about vape juice tasting better. I mean, it does, but I was also flavouring my tobacco before I smoked it. Again, it's not so much of a shift. The government might try telling you the only reason fruit/dessert etc vape juice exists is to entice children in and I'm sitting here vaping a cola flavour juice, because I like it. And all the other fruit, drink and dessert based flavours I've got. The market for vape juice in the UK is saturated, people don't just settle for a juice that's "meh" because they don't have to. It's adults buying that juice and I'll defend my right to do so as long as I possibly can.
Because without it I'd still be smoking. I'd be screwed on the surgery front. I'd be screwed on the quitting front. Meanwhile worst I've got to do right now is deal with the hangry moments because nicotine suppresses your appetite and I don't get nicotine any more.
I thought I'd be smoking til I died. Literally. I've tried quitting before with patches, gum, nicorette inhaler, lozenges, even vaping before. For various reasons nothing worked. I'd get people saying "well, have you tried this? It worked for X!" or "maybe give it a bit longer and you'll get there!" and so many other sentences thatthey probably meant well, but it was a slap in the face every time because I couldn't get it to work, and every well-meaning sentence came across as "you need to try harder".
You can't force someone to quit, but you also can't fix an addiction without the correct support and/or substitutes. So I stopped trying, because it felt like I was failing because I wasn't trying properly. Nobody's gonna keep trying like that.
I still don't know why I looked up vape juice when I did last year. I didn't even have a reason, really, I was just buying my tobacco and they had a vape juice section that I didn't buy anything from. I bought my smokes and then went back to a different online shop a while later, an online vape shop, and...here I am. Somehow. Sometimes my best decisions are the ones I don't let myself walk away from. Or think too much about. Make decision, deal with fallout, but own that decision. I'll keep counting the days til 505, because that was the promise I made elsewhere and again, I'll stick to that as long as nobody minds. or, well. Unless the thread gets closed, lol. It's only another 140 days.
Only. Flippin heck.
I don't have cake. I might order myself a takeaway instead though. It's a plan, right?
Sorry I was working yesterday.
I wish I could convey just how accurate that is, lol. He kept running all around my feet til I went to put the beds down, and then he plonked himself down into the space for the beds instead. No, Cam, that's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.
