The Goblin Diaries (previously Quitting Smoking)

Cam doesn't burrow often, but he's been known to do it. So when I went in to pick up the Snugglesafes they scarpered away from Hands. Cool. Bann ran into bed and then grumbled when I had to hold the bed in one hand to retrieve the Snugglesafe underneath it, but both in hand, I stand up and turn round and realise I've no idea where Cam ran. I mean, what if he's under a pile of hay and I stand on him?

Then I spied a pink and grey bum between the logs of a bendy tunnel. Oh good. No accidental tramplings today, I've got enough going on XD
 
I had two goblins bounding out to say hello to me for food! It's good to see them willingly getting out of bed, lol. Not quite so good when they immediately argue over the same piece of cucumber when there's multiple other opportunities (and yes, it was Cam's fault again) but hey, you win some you lose some.
 
If ever I feel like I've not quite got the hang of anything, Cam being excited to see whatever food tributes I might be bringing more than makes up for it. He's happy to see me? I can't be getting life entirely wrong, lol. Also I used to swear I didn't use a "pig voice", that I always spoke exactly the same to them as I would any human. I lie. I totally have a "pig voice".
 
For some reason, mine puts two syllables in "Hi" because "Hi-i!" sounds so much more exciting. If Cam's out in the cage and sees the door move, he stops to look at me, gets the excited poses going, and then if I walk towards the cage he has a habit of running into a bed that he bounces into and then watches me while he hangs out the doorway because I must be bringing food!

I mean, I don't use the Pig Voice when I'm complaining about their water bowl being filled with hay and poop and pellets and bedding, or when I'm groaning "ffs shut up" because one of them's eating really loudly and the other one's rumbling at 1am. That gets Normal Me voice. 🤷‍♂️
 
I made a mistake. I went in to check on the room temp (and it's a good one, 18.1°!) but not only were they both out of bed and in the cage but they were both at Begging Corner, which means I immediately had two dancing goblins waiting for whatever it was I brought them. And I didn't. Guys, the guilt trip is real lol.
 
Dear @Lorcan

I understand that you arrived at your piggies cage with no food! :yikes: How? Why? Is this even possible? I thought that every Slave turned up with food when visiting their Masters (or Mistresses). To not turn up with an offering of food is a complete travesty. The fact that Camm and Bann had come out of their lovely warm hideys on their Snugglesafes next to the radiator and go to the Begging Corner because they heard you come up the stairs makes your crime even worse!

I see my previous advice to all the piggies out there whose Slaves are somewhat lacking has taken effect on The Goblins and that you gave in and gave them pea flakes. Pea flakes are the ultimate yummy snack. Don't think I'll let you off lightly next time. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ......

Yours now wanting peaflakes (OI SLAVE!..... PEA FLAKES NOW!)

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Dear Miss Bramble,

I promise the Goblins were fed on time today. I have a thermometer in the bedroom so I can make sure they're not getting too cold - being skinnies, warmth is important - and I needed to check that thermometer before going downstairs because I can only switch the heating on downstairs.

Unfortunately, downstairs is also where the food is, so I have to go down there to get it, too. You can see my dilemma here, I hope?

Yours apologetically,
Lorcán.
 
Dear Lorcan

I can see your dilemma. You need to check the thermometer in the bedroom and the food is kept downstairs where the thermostat is. So why don't you go downstairs, get some food, check the thermometer in the bedroom while at the same time giving The Goblins and treat and then go back downstairs and adjust the thermostat as needed. Or,get a Plummer to move the thermostat upstairs. Simples!

Your friend always here for helpful advice.

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Dear Miss Bramble

My central heating system is ancient, and I'm waiting to find out if there's a grant available to get a new boiler so I can actually adjust it properly without having to use appliances that are twice my age (and I'm not very young anymore!), and I also have memory issues, so I've been known to forget to check these things after I've come back upstairs. If I do them before I go downstairs then my chances of forgetting are smaller.

So if I check before I go downstairs I can switch the heating on or off. But if I go back upstairs and get distracted for half a second I either forget to check or I forget to go back downstairs. My age is clearly getting the better of me, and I can only try my best. The Goblins did enjoy their celery breakfast once I came back upstairs.

Yours still apologetically,
Lorcán.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top