Who’s struggling?

Claire W said:
Some of you may already know that me and my husband are unable to have children. Whenever I think I’m at peace with it, another friend or family member falls pregnant and I get upset all over again. Well, my husbands cousin gave birth to a baby boy earlier today and old feelings have resurfaced 😞 don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased that he’s arrived healthy and I am happy for her but it still hurts as he was an accident which is always a double blow for me. It’s also my dads birthday today so celebrating my dads birthday will be shared each year from now on although my dad doesn’t mind. Sorry to sound so selfish but I’m struggling tonight 😞
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It is entirely possible to be happy for someone but still grieve for yourself. It's so hard when you have lost and are faced with the what could have beens. My friend recently gave birth on what should have been my due date and yes I am thrilled for her, the family deserve that beautiful healthy baby but it stings too. Everytime I see a picture or hear about what she's doing I'm imagining my own child who should have survived.
When it comes to fertility issues or baby loss you aren't just grieving one thing, you are grieving everything that should have been throughout the rest of your life. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to feel and process these emotions
 
Lady Kelly said:
It is entirely possible to be happy for someone but still grieve for yourself. It's so hard when you have lost and are faced with the what could have beens. My friend recently gave birth on what should have been my due date and yes I am thrilled for her, the family deserve that beautiful healthy baby but it stings too. Everytime I see a picture or hear about what she's doing I'm imagining my own child who should have survived.
When it comes to fertility issues or baby loss you aren't just grieving one thing, you are grieving everything that should have been throughout the rest of your life. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to feel and process these emotions
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Thank you. I always feel like I’m grieving a baby I never had when I hear of friends and family members falling pregnant and giving birth. It makes it even more harder when his cousins baby was an accident and she managed to fall pregnant almost immediately with her first. My sister in law was the same with her two, her first was an accident and she fell pregnant almost immediately with her second. We struggled for several years before having to go through all the gruelling tests and then receiving the blow that we couldn’t have children but my husbands family expect me to push my feelings aside and constantly be happy when a new arrival comes along. Don’t get me wrong, I am for the most part but it’s hard.

I’m so sorry for your loss too x
 
I have a broken swallow reflex. It's been broken for years, it's not new or anything. Imagine trying to swallow and your brain freaking out because you're not swallowing, but also can't seem to work out how swallowing works. So food or drink gets caught at the back of the throat unable to shift. I've stuck to cold fluids as much as possible since, it's less of a problem with thicker things like food. It also means I only eat soup with rolls, generally, because otherwise...I can't swallow.

I've just had a Mug Shot. And I've spent the entirety of it trying to get my brain to work out how to swallow. Like...it's food, Brain. For the love of everything just...let me eat food.
 
I should have been having lunch and cocktails with some friends today. Nothing fancy, an afternoon of gossip and giggling in a pub - probably taking silly photos and wondering why we don't do it more often. One friend never even bothered to reply to the message inviting her (once date was confirmed) and the other hasn't replied to my midweek message to check our catch up was still going on. I was looking forward to putting on a nice top and some lipstick and having an afternoon out. Instead I'm sat watching TV in my dressing gown, wondering why I'm always the forgotten 'friend'. I'm always left upset after looking forward to things and others seem to forget/not care.
 
I don't know what to do. I knew the other morning my hands were at it again when I managed to throw a (thankfully still unopened) Pepsi can on my living room floor. I had a bit of an absence afterwards, sometimes I don't get any real indication something happened and I live alone, it's not like anyone else is going to see it, but this time round I put the wrong thing in the drawer, that's how I knew. But it's no biggie, it happens, it's not life threatening and we know it's not epilepsy so I'm good with that.

But I swear today it's like I keep throwing everything. Dropping the vapes, or torches, or pens, or whatever but dropping them with force, banging them off everything and it's just like...why. WHY. I don't do this on purpose, I know I don't, why can't I not do it?

There's no real cure for this, there's no medication that'll fix it. And normally that's okay. But I'd really, really like to stop throwing things.
 
Lorcan said:
I don't know what to do. I knew the other morning my hands were at it again when I managed to throw a (thankfully still unopened) Pepsi can on my living room floor. I had a bit of an absence afterwards, sometimes I don't get any real indication something happened and I live alone, it's not like anyone else is going to see it, but this time round I put the wrong thing in the drawer, that's how I knew. But it's no biggie, it happens, it's not life threatening and we know it's not epilepsy so I'm good with that.

But I swear today it's like I keep throwing everything. Dropping the vapes, or torches, or pens, or whatever but dropping them with force, banging them off everything and it's just like...why. WHY. I don't do this on purpose, I know I don't, why can't I not do it?

There's no real cure for this, there's no medication that'll fix it. And normally that's okay. But I'd really, really like to stop throwing things.
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I really have no advice chum, but I feel bad for you xx. When you say you throw or bang it - is it like a muscle-type reaction?
 
More like - imagine you're gripping something, and next second, it's gone. The grip just releases, no warning, and depending on what you're doing or carrying at the time rather than just dropping it there's some force goes into it, too. It's not always weight-related (because a can of Pepsi isn't "light", as such) but the less something weighs, the more trouble it tends to be.
 
Lorcan said:
More like - imagine you're gripping something, and next second, it's gone. The grip just releases, no warning, and depending on what you're doing or carrying at the time rather than just dropping it there's some force goes into it, too. It's not always weight-related (because a can of Pepsi isn't "light", as such) but the less something weighs, the more trouble it tends to be.
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I dunno! I have forgotten I’ve been holding something, like a sewing needle, which drops and then I can’t find it anywhere, but that’s just my woolly mind! Do u think it’s motor, or mind?
 
Motor, it's been tested out. Functional Neurological Disorder - which in my case affects my swallow, motor control, balance, and causes the occasional absence. There's times I've got out of bed, and my last memory is also of getting out of bed and having no idea how I got back in, I've woken up of a morning and been unable to write because my hand can't hold a pen for me (which is interesting when someone needs you to sign out your controlled drug prescription for the day and you can't even write your own initials).

It's small stuff really, and I'm well used to it, but the amount of noise I keep making because I keep unintentionally throwing things is bothering me probably more than the throwing part itself. So loud. I've always been that neighbour that makes little enough noise you can never be sure he's home, and now I'm banging things all about the house and I really don't like it.
 
Lorcan said:
Motor, it's been tested out. Functional Neurological Disorder - which in my case affects my swallow, motor control, balance, and causes the occasional absence. There's times I've got out of bed, and my last memory is also of getting out of bed and having no idea how I got back in, I've woken up of a morning and been unable to write because my hand can't hold a pen for me (which is interesting when someone needs you to sign out your controlled drug prescription for the day and you can't even write your own initials).

It's small stuff really, and I'm well used to it, but the amount of noise I keep making because I keep unintentionally throwing things is bothering me probably more than the throwing part itself. So loud. I've always been that neighbour that makes little enough noise you can never be sure he's home, and now I'm banging things all about the house and I really don't like it.
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I hope this episode doesn’t last too long. 🤗
 
I also hope this episode will pass quickly !
Take care Lorcan and try not to get too bothered by it 🥰
 
Thanks everyone. I know it'll ease, it always eases off eventually, but my patience skills are not what they should be, hah. Thankfully something's only been dropped the once so far and I caught it before it went too far. Last night it just seemed like it was all I was doing was dropping everything.
 
My mum had a fall last night. Thankfully nothing broken but she’s damaged a ligament in her knee so has to wear a brace on her leg and use crutches to walk for the foreseeable future. My mum isn’t great on her feet as it is 😞 On top of this, fraudsters have opened bank accounts in my name (I received the cards and PIN numbers over the weekend) so spent the weekend trying to sort that out. I was meant to have been going to Nottingham to stay with the in laws and meet up with an old friend beginning of April but now my husband is going alone as my mum won’t be able to house and pet sit like she usually does when we go away. He’s bringing my niece back with him as she wants to stay for a week and my in laws are coming the following weekend for a few days and to take her home but I could do without it. I’m just feeling so stressed and overwhelmed with everything that I just want to get in to bed and bury my head in the sand 😞 with my mental health problems, I don’t do well under stress 😞 I’m going to my parents house on Wednesday (thankfully they live in a bungalow so my mum doesn’t have stairs to climb) to iron and help my dad clean as he said he didn’t need me today. On top of all that, my house is a tip so husband will be moaning at me when he gets home from work as housework is my job as he works as a teacher and I don’t work due to my mental health and non epileptic attack disorder but I just haven’t got it in me today 😞
 
Claire W said:
My mum had a fall last night. Thankfully nothing broken but she’s damaged a ligament in her knee so has to wear a brace on her leg and use crutches to walk for the foreseeable future. My mum isn’t great on her feet as it is 😞 On top of this, fraudsters have opened bank accounts in my name (I received the cards and PIN numbers over the weekend) so spent the weekend trying to sort that out. I was meant to have been going to Nottingham to stay with the in laws and meet up with an old friend beginning of April but now my husband is going alone as my mum won’t be able to house and pet sit like she usually does when we go away. He’s bringing my niece back with him as she wants to stay for a week and my in laws are coming the following weekend for a few days and to take her home but I could do without it. I’m just feeling so stressed and overwhelmed with everything that I just want to get in to bed and bury my head in the sand 😞 with my mental health problems, I don’t do well under stress 😞 I’m going to my parents house on Wednesday (thankfully they live in a bungalow so my mum doesn’t have stairs to climb) to iron and help my dad clean as he said he didn’t need me today. On top of all that, my house is a tip so husband will be moaning at me when he gets home from work as housework is my job as he works as a teacher and I don’t work due to my mental health and non epileptic attack disorder but I just haven’t got it in me today 😞
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So sorry for your Mum Claire, hope she is better soon. I’m also so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed too, sometimes in life everything happens at once when you least need it. Try and get a bit of me time everyday and try put your worries away for a short time and relax if you can. Reading a book or a little walk often helps me unwind
 
Claire W said:
My mum had a fall last night. Thankfully nothing broken but she’s damaged a ligament in her knee so has to wear a brace on her leg and use crutches to walk for the foreseeable future. My mum isn’t great on her feet as it is 😞 On top of this, fraudsters have opened bank accounts in my name (I received the cards and PIN numbers over the weekend) so spent the weekend trying to sort that out. I was meant to have been going to Nottingham to stay with the in laws and meet up with an old friend beginning of April but now my husband is going alone as my mum won’t be able to house and pet sit like she usually does when we go away. He’s bringing my niece back with him as she wants to stay for a week and my in laws are coming the following weekend for a few days and to take her home but I could do without it. I’m just feeling so stressed and overwhelmed with everything that I just want to get in to bed and bury my head in the sand 😞 with my mental health problems, I don’t do well under stress 😞 I’m going to my parents house on Wednesday (thankfully they live in a bungalow so my mum doesn’t have stairs to climb) to iron and help my dad clean as he said he didn’t need me today. On top of all that, my house is a tip so husband will be moaning at me when he gets home from work as housework is my job as he works as a teacher and I don’t work due to my mental health and non epileptic attack disorder but I just haven’t got it in me today 😞
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Take the day off today Claire. Some days are harder than others. I hope your mum is soon on the mend and you managed to sort out the bank account issue. It’s lovely your niece wants to spend time with you. Try and think of some fun activities you could do together.
 
Thank you. I’ve been on the phone this morning which is also a major stress for me to the Royal Mail and DWP to check the fraudsters haven’t redirected my mail elsewhere and that they’re not trying to claim benefits in my name. Both were lovely when I explained what had happened. Royal Mail lady said it’s really hard to have mail redirected and they’d write to me first and DWP lady said the fraudsters wouldn’t be able to claim benefits in my name as they do many security checks. I’m now going to chill for the rest of the day after I’ve cleaned the bathrooms which is all the housework I can manage for today
 
Claire W said:
Thank you. I’ve been on the phone this morning which is also a major stress for me to the Royal Mail and DWP to check the fraudsters haven’t redirected my mail elsewhere and that they’re not trying to claim benefits in my name. Both were lovely when I explained what had happened. Royal Mail lady said it’s really hard to have mail redirected and they’d write to me first and DWP lady said the fraudsters wouldn’t be able to claim benefits in my name as they do many security checks. I’m now going to chill for the rest of the day after I’ve cleaned the bathrooms which is all the housework I can manage for today
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At least you have some reassurance from them Claire
 
We have security cameras that are linked to our phones that alerts us of people and motion but Chris has set the door bell to also capture motion and the way he has all these cameras set up capture me whenever I leave the house. I’m feeling really insecure having all these cameras watching the house even though I know it’s for security reasons but I have a thing about cameras 😞
 
Claire W said:
We have security cameras that are linked to our phones that alerts us of people and motion but Chris has set the door bell to also capture motion and the way he has all these cameras set up capture me whenever I leave the house. I’m feeling really insecure having all these cameras watching the house even though I know it’s for security reasons but I have a thing about cameras 😞
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Oh gosh it's quite hard to get used to isn't it. I always go, oh no who is at the door then realise it's just hubby putting the milk bottles out or the bin out 🤦‍♀️ I have turned them off before though when I was trying to sneak his Christmas present in and the box was a bit obvious 😂
 
Really, really frustrated and upset. We are having to cancel our holiday and try to claim from the holiday insurance due to my current health. Will have to pay the GP to complete the medical certificate too.
Then I have been researching to try and get the best treatment possible to improve my quality of life considering I have at least another 20 weeks of this to go and to minimise the chance of this continuing after the birth (which can happen especially when it is severe and has been going on a long time). There is a partnership with recommended practitioners so I contacted one today and was told she doesn't see private clients only insurance referrals but then her colleague didn't seem aware that she doesn't work Tuesdays or that she is on annual leave so I don't have much faith in the information he provided. The partnership gave me her email so I have emailed her myself but she's the only one in Leicester registered with them so it's really frustrating and tiring to try and get the appropriate treatment quick enough to prevent this being a huge problem
 
I went to my parents house today as promised to do their ironing, help my dad clean and help my mum shower (thankfully they have a walk in shower and shower chair so she could sit down) but her crutch slipped on the wet floor as we were leaving the bathroom and now I’m really worried about her having another fall and causing more damage 😞 Thankfully I was holding on to her but I’m not there all the time. I’m starting to really worry about my parents and their declining health 😞

With me helping my parents, I have asked my husband to please reconsider having our niece come to stay but he’s adamant she’s coming 😞

I’m feeling really on edge about what the fraudsters are going to do next with my details and I feel sick with worry when the postman comes 😞
 
Claire W said:
I went to my parents house today as promised to do their ironing, help my dad clean and help my mum shower (thankfully they have a walk in shower and shower chair so she could sit down) but her crutch slipped on the wet floor as we were leaving the bathroom and now I’m really worried about her having another fall and causing more damage 😞 Thankfully I was holding on to her but I’m not there all the time. I’m starting to really worry about my parents and their declining health 😞

With me helping my parents, I have asked my husband to please reconsider having our niece come to stay but he’s adamant she’s coming 😞

I’m feeling really on edge about what the fraudsters are going to do next with my details and I feel sick with worry when the postman comes 😞
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I'm sure your niece will be understanding if you aren't there all the time with her. She'll be fine while you go and do what needs to be done.
You need to set your priorities and boundaries for the week and your niece and husband need to respect that. As our parents get older it is inevitable we have to spend more time helping them
 
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