Who’s struggling?

I do love a list. Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. I knew you’d all have something helpful to say. I did sit in a pub this morning on my own and had a hot chocolate. It felt very odd but I really enjoyed it. It gave me some space to think.
 
weepweeps said:
I do love a list. Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. I knew you’d all have something helpful to say. I did sit in a pub this morning on my own and had a hot chocolate. It felt very odd but I really enjoyed it. It gave me some space to think.
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Me time is very important. I go to the gym to have me time. For over around 30 years I put everyone else first. Now it's time to put me first. Having 3 boys, a husband, a part time job and a house to run was hard work! Looking back now I don't know how I coped with it, but you do cos you have to!
 
I’m so sorry you feel so overwhelmed at the moment, hav8ng a poorly piggie can really take it out on you, far more than you realise, sending big hugs x
I agree, make a little time for yourself, everyone needs a little space now and again. If you can delegate some of the stuff to other family members then do so. Try and make life a little easier for yourself too. Tell hubby It’s a takeaway or he’s cooking (and paying) once a week and you are putting your feet up for a change! Put you first and don’t for a minute feel guilty x
 
Sending you hugs, you need it ! :hug:you can email my counsellor or if you want to you can phone her if you want
 
Very much feeling it at the moment.

Constant panic attacks over work, I dread going in. Keeping things vague (my paranoia is out of control) I’m the first person to even GET to the end of my probation period (significantly long periods of time) due to management. I should have ran when I had the chance. It’s getting worse and worse, but the company is intent to protect the management at all cost.

It got worse as a company let slip I applied for them (must have contacted my place for a reference despite me deliberately not listing current place of work for this reason) so uh, it’s gotten a lot worse since then. It’s almost like I’m being set up, I’m having to document EVERYTHING now as I’m being accused of not doing stuff I distinctly remember doing.

I live solo and savings is impossible on my wage, so I can’t just walk (should have done, everyone else did within days, let alone months) and I stupidly moved my entire life for this job. I’m being forced to keep looking due to living crisis, after bills I’m reduced to almost nothing to live on per month. I feel like I can’t tell friends or family what’s going on as they’re so happy I landed a “dream job”. So scared to go in tomorrow as management back in, been solo the last few days.

Sorry for the rant, just very low / not sure what to do. My piggy army and my cat keeping me going!
 
Sorry things are so tough for you just now. Moving is stressful let alone starting a new job at the same time.
 
DoragonHinansho said:
Very much feeling it at the moment.

Constant panic attacks over work, I dread going in. Keeping things vague (my paranoia is out of control) I’m the first person to even GET to the end of my probation period (significantly long periods of time) due to management. I should have ran when I had the chance. It’s getting worse and worse, but the company is intent to protect the management at all cost.

It got worse as a company let slip I applied for them (must have contacted my place for a reference despite me deliberately not listing current place of work for this reason) so uh, it’s gotten a lot worse since then. It’s almost like I’m being set up, I’m having to document EVERYTHING now as I’m being accused of not doing stuff I distinctly remember doing.

I live solo and savings is impossible on my wage, so I can’t just walk (should have done, everyone else did within days, let alone months) and I stupidly moved my entire life for this job. I’m being forced to keep looking due to living crisis, after bills I’m reduced to almost nothing to live on per month. I feel like I can’t tell friends or family what’s going on as they’re so happy I landed a “dream job”. So scared to go in tomorrow as management back in, been solo the last few days.

Sorry for the rant, just very low / not sure what to do. My piggy army and my cat keeping me going!
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Please do talk to family and friends. At least confide in one or two people. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, you have done nothing wrong here. You accepted the "dream job" not the crap you have found yourself in and you don't deserve to be going through this, certainly not alone. I hope another option comes up for you soon
 
DoragonHinansho said:
Very much feeling it at the moment.

Constant panic attacks over work, I dread going in. Keeping things vague (my paranoia is out of control) I’m the first person to even GET to the end of my probation period (significantly long periods of time) due to management. I should have ran when I had the chance. It’s getting worse and worse, but the company is intent to protect the management at all cost.

It got worse as a company let slip I applied for them (must have contacted my place for a reference despite me deliberately not listing current place of work for this reason) so uh, it’s gotten a lot worse since then. It’s almost like I’m being set up, I’m having to document EVERYTHING now as I’m being accused of not doing stuff I distinctly remember doing.

I live solo and savings is impossible on my wage, so I can’t just walk (should have done, everyone else did within days, let alone months) and I stupidly moved my entire life for this job. I’m being forced to keep looking due to living crisis, after bills I’m reduced to almost nothing to live on per month. I feel like I can’t tell friends or family what’s going on as they’re so happy I landed a “dream job”. So scared to go in tomorrow as management back in, been solo the last few days.

Sorry for the rant, just very low / not sure what to do. My piggy army and my cat keeping me going!
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So sorry you are going through this crisis. Sorry, I don't know if you've posted about your work before so dont know whats been going on but i really think it would help if you can talk to a trusted friend. Some years ago I went through a terrible time at work, following a promotion, which culminated in what amounted to an unofficial disaplinary without witnesses in which I was accused of stuff that wasn't true and was put under pressure to resign. I couldn't speak about it for some time but once I did tell friends they were on my side and very supportive.
 
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. As has been advised it would be good to talk to someone. Just sharing can help.
You’re doing the right thing documenting everything if you're being accused of not doing stuff. Keep looking for another job and keep in touch with us here as we’ll support you 🥰
 
Thanks guys. I reached out to my parents who told me that considering I got my degree in this area, I have to stick with it and deal with the job :’) which, I know they want what’s best for me and there’s no point wasting this degree, but still.

I’ve done a couple of job applications tonight. Another management from the company (she’s lovely) has offered me a job on the spot, the only downside is it’s uh… still trying to be vague, but it’ll mean I’m only paid 37 weeks of the year due to the role, and it’s minimum wage to boot. I’d love that position, it’s something I think I’d be really good at but realistically am scared to make that jump as I’ll struggle more with bills, I won’t be able to pay them. I might be able to get some financial support temporarily during those lower pay periods until I get either a temporary job (or maybe my own business will come off the floor… here’s hoping!). A part of me just wants to accept this offer outright, but since I live solo I need to think logically. No idea how I’ll get through this cost crisis as is.


Feeling really… down at the moment, but thankfully I have my cat on my chest giving me little kisses and purring. Not sure how I’ll get through tomorrow, but hanging in there. All I have to do is get through this week then over a week off. I’m so sorry to be so down and meh, I feel bad you guys have to see this, I just… don’t know what to do. I know that even if the worst comes to the worst (it’s my last probation meeting this week) and they do get rid of me, it’ll be a blessing in disguise but I also have it in my head I’ll burst into flame!
 
@DoragonHinansho . It sounds horrible to be working under this pressure. Keep looking for another job. Any job will do as sometimes a side step is just as good as a forward step. You don’t have to stay on a particular career path just because you have a degree in that field. Have a rethink. Maybe you’d be happier doing something different. Can you get a flat mate to help with bills? If you are feeling really low a chat with your doctor may help. Good luck. This week will be over soon. Enjoy your break and your cat 🐈
 
Hope you get through today OK. Cats are great at sensing when we are hurting and offering us their gentle comfort. However today turns out your kitty will be there for you when you get home.
If you decide to walk away from your current job and find another in the same industry I don't see how that's wasting your degree. Also its good to bear inmind that there are plenty of people who have successful careers in areas that have nothing to do with their degree, if you decided you want to go down a different path.
Your parents will always want the best for you and encourage you to do what they believe is the right thing but they are coming from a very different point of view and may not fully understand what you are going through. I have always preferred to confide in friends but obviously we all have different relationships with our parents in the first place.
Don't apologise for being down, its a part of being human and if sharing on here helps, even a little, well that can only be a good thing. 🐈♥️
 
I can understand your parents but your career isn't the be all and end all of your life. It's something you can look to move in to again when you are not in such a bad position IF you found something that would be more suitable at the moment. The older I have gotten the more I have realised that being happy and having a good work life balance is worth much more than anything else. Only you know what is right for you right now, though I appreciate that the cost of living crisis does have to factor somewhat when you look at higher earners who are starting to struggle with bills.

No one can predict the future but follow your heart. You are more likely to regret the things you don't do than the ones you do
 
DoragonHinansho said:
Thanks guys. I reached out to my parents who told me that considering I got my degree in this area, I have to stick with it and deal with the job :’) which, I know they want what’s best for me and there’s no point wasting this degree, but still.

I’ve done a couple of job applications tonight. Another management from the company (she’s lovely) has offered me a job on the spot, the only downside is it’s uh… still trying to be vague, but it’ll mean I’m only paid 37 weeks of the year due to the role, and it’s minimum wage to boot. I’d love that position, it’s something I think I’d be really good at but realistically am scared to make that jump as I’ll struggle more with bills, I won’t be able to pay them. I might be able to get some financial support temporarily during those lower pay periods until I get either a temporary job (or maybe my own business will come off the floor… here’s hoping!). A part of me just wants to accept this offer outright, but since I live solo I need to think logically. No idea how I’ll get through this cost crisis as is.


Feeling really… down at the moment, but thankfully I have my cat on my chest giving me little kisses and purring. Not sure how I’ll get through tomorrow, but hanging in there. All I have to do is get through this week then over a week off. I’m so sorry to be so down and meh, I feel bad you guys have to see this, I just… don’t know what to do. I know that even if the worst comes to the worst (it’s my last probation meeting this week) and they do get rid of me, it’ll be a blessing in disguise but I also have it in my head I’ll burst into flame!
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It's good you were able to reach out to your parents, and of course everyone is different, but I do find that parents don't always offer to most objective view.
Depending on their age they were often raised to believe it's better to 'stick it out' and things like degrees and qualifications (which they may not have had the chance to get themselves) are valuable above all else.

I also feel that many people in older generations were not taught to value mental health, and as they went through so many difficult things themselves 'just fine' they can be a little closed minded on these topics.

Now this is just my experience, but think of yourself and your own priorities first and foremost.
no one wants to disappoint their parents, but I always tell my kids that if they grow up to live independently and are safe and happy then my job is done.

Is there some way that this new job would allow you to save money elsewhere?
Could you move somewhere cheaper/smaller?
If the job is really calling you then it could be worth trying to find a way to make it work.
 
Thank you everyone! Hiding somewhere quiet to type for a minute. Been thinking long and hard, and I spoke to another management in another section of the company. I was offered a role on the spot, interview just a formality. I also spoke with a few of the team from this section this morning - they’re all excited and really want me to come across. They all see what happens to me at the moment, and the manager over there and the team really think I’d be very good at this new role. It’ll be hard money wise, but I think I can manage.

Its been horrible this morning, but I’m understanding more and more why everyone else ran months ago - and I need to put my mental health and happiness first. I’ll do the application tonight, and meanwhile just get through the day as best I can!
 
Oh that’s great news ! We’ve all been wishing for the very best for you. Do that application and try to be strong - other people recognise how great you are and want you in their team ! Hopefully soon this nasty episode will be in the dim distant past. You can do this 🥰
 
I'm really feeling it all at the moment. Seems silly but my toddler has finally realised that daytime napping is optional 🤣 despite her still clearly needing a 15-20 min power nap. We have my father in law waiting on a neurology appointment with memory issues and my car sounds very sick and is in the garage tomorrow. We've had to miss the first week of Jessica's baby groups and I'm going a bit stir crazy not just being able to go out anywhere
 
Oh Lady Kelly I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time …..isn’t it amazing how all these things happen at once and that makes it really hard to cope with. Also…..feeling that things are out of control ! Could you and your toddler go for a little walk ? Sometimes fresh air can help distract you from what happening. I know that sounds simplistic …I used to do that with my daughter. Keep strong as things will get sorted 🥰
 
Roselina said:
Oh Lady Kelly I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time …..isn’t it amazing how all these things happen at once and that makes it really hard to cope with. Also…..feeling that things are out of control ! Could you and your toddler go for a little walk ? Sometimes fresh air can help distract you from what happening. I know that sounds simplistic …I used to do that with my daughter. Keep strong as things will get sorted 🥰
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That's what we did yesterday. Took the dog for a walk, she ran around the park screaming, singing and jumping then promptly fell asleep in the pushchair on the way home so I sat and had a cuppa before waking her up 🤣 I'm sure it will get better as she settles into a new routine. It's only been a week tomorrow so is new to all of us.
It's true that everything tends to happen at once. I'm ready for a break 😂
 
My baby keeps waking up once or twice an hour from around 2-3am.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. He's comfortable, clean, fed, appropriately warm, not gassy, not ill, no signs of teething. I work hard to make sure he sleeps enough in the day. I do as much tummy time and play as I can manage. The room is dark and we have a gentle white noise machine. I don't know what else to do.

The Internet tells me this is "just" the four month sleep regression and to suck it up, but this degree of sleeplessness can't be right? I am so tired and we're in week three of this. Every time I settle back down to sleep myself, he's back up. My husband has been off work this week and helping me nap, but what do I do next week?

Sorry for the long rant, I'm not concise even when I'm well rested. Just needed to vent.
 
poggle said:
My baby keeps waking up once or twice an hour from around 2-3am.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. He's comfortable, clean, fed, appropriately warm, not gassy, not ill, no signs of teething. I work hard to make sure he sleeps enough in the day. I do as much tummy time and play as I can manage. The room is dark and we have a gentle white noise machine. I don't know what else to do.

The Internet tells me this is "just" the four month sleep regression and to suck it up, but this degree of sleeplessness can't be right? I am so tired and we're in week three of this. Every time I settle back down to sleep myself, he's back up. My husband has been off work this week and helping me nap, but what do I do next week?

Sorry for the long rant, I'm not concise even when I'm well rested. Just needed to vent.
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Oh that’s hard. He’s beginning to realise he is his own little entity and that’s scary when you are small. You are his safe space. It will get better, it really will but when you are living it you just can’t imagine it improving. You are not doing anything wrong. Are you able to sleep in the day? Even if you are getting a nap in from 7pm until midnight once husband is home it will help.

New babies are tiny tyrants, it’s brutal. There’s a reason they use sleep deprivation as torture!
 
poggle said:
My baby keeps waking up once or twice an hour from around 2-3am.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. He's comfortable, clean, fed, appropriately warm, not gassy, not ill, no signs of teething. I work hard to make sure he sleeps enough in the day. I do as much tummy time and play as I can manage. The room is dark and we have a gentle white noise machine. I don't know what else to do.

The Internet tells me this is "just" the four month sleep regression and to suck it up, but this degree of sleeplessness can't be right? I am so tired and we're in week three of this. Every time I settle back down to sleep myself, he's back up. My husband has been off work this week and helping me nap, but what do I do next week?

Sorry for the long rant, I'm not concise even when I'm well rested. Just needed to vent.
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Sadly they all go through stages of not sleeping well and anyone that tells you different is either fibbing or forgetting. There is an element of doing what you need to until things improve again. Perhaps try to get to bed earlier so that you have had a couple more hours sleep before the 2am wake window. Tag team it with your husband, take it in turns to get up and comfort. I think 4 months was firmly when my "I will never co-sleep" went out the window because quite frankly it was worth it if we would all get a little more sleep.

Do you have anyone that can look after him during the day at all just for an hour or two so you can have some downtime and a break? It really is so very tough when they are unsettled and more so at night when it feels all the more lonely to be dealing with
 
Oh poggle we really feel for you - we have been there and trying to cope without sleep is sooooo tough. You’re doing everything right and as others have said …..it does get better. It’s tough living thru it tho. Can you try to sleep when he does ? Or let your husband take over so you can sleep ? Even two or three hours will make a difference for you.
I remember it well - sending much love to you, your husband and baby …..you will get thru this 🥰
 
Thank you guys, I am feeling a bit better now after a nap. Sleep deprivation is absolutely brutal and the loneliness of the overnight wakings was something I hadn't been prepared for. It's lovely to know that there are places to reach out to.

We have family close by now but they work full time during the week so it can be quite difficult. My husband does what he can to offer help but unfortunately has the kind of job where long hours are expected. They're quite flexible hours and he can work from home, though, so we're going to play it by ear to see what we can do day by day. Today he's supported by taking first shift so I got the morning off to sleep, and has kept the tea coming this afternoon to help me feel more human. I really value the opportunity to go to sleep knowing I'm not going to be woken up in ? minutes by the baby, so hopefully that's something we'll be able to keep doing!

I didn't think I'd get the opportunity to be a mother and I am grateful every day that the doctor was wrong, but I really, really miss sleeping 6hrs+ in one go :))
 
Hang in there @poggle. It feels like it’s going on forever when you are sleep deprived, but things will improve. So good to hear your husband has helped out and given you a period of unbroken sleep so that you can recharge your batteries. I remember those days so well despite them being over 22 years ago. I had premature twins who took it in turns to wake at various times in the night. MrA went out to work and needed his sleep, but we agreed that Friday and Saturday nights were “his” so that I could have a decent sleep for a couple of nights a week. I also changed my routine to get sleep when I could - went to bed earlier so that I could bank a couple of hours before one of the terrors woke up - and napped in the day when they did. We muddled through. It wasn’t fun or easy. But it didn’t last forever!
 
I may bespeaking out of turn, and if so I’m sorry, but you say you didn’t expect to get the opportunity to have children. There is lot of evidence out there that says mothers who have faced conception challenges have a higher rate of postnatal depression than average. I guess this is because when you are hoping and hoping and trying and trying, you grieve what you are hoping for, a gorgeous bouncing baby. Your brain doesn’t balance that with all the tough and horrible bits that come with babies. So those horrible bits hit even harder because you are supposed to just be so stinking grateful (thanks King Charles for the socially acceptable expletive) for the realisation of your dream. So do see a doctor if you are properly struggling as the sleep deprivation feeds that too. And it’s ok to not feel very grateful and to feel pretty stinking miserable at 3am!

I used to say I wished that a little light went on your roof when you were up with a baby so that you could look out of the windows and see the lights and feel much less alone.
 
poggle said:
My baby keeps waking up once or twice an hour from around 2-3am.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. He's comfortable, clean, fed, appropriately warm, not gassy, not ill, no signs of teething. I work hard to make sure he sleeps enough in the day. I do as much tummy time and play as I can manage. The room is dark and we have a gentle white noise machine. I don't know what else to do.

The Internet tells me this is "just" the four month sleep regression and to suck it up, but this degree of sleeplessness can't be right? I am so tired and we're in week three of this. Every time I settle back down to sleep myself, he's back up. My husband has been off work this week and helping me nap, but what do I do next week?

Sorry for the long rant, I'm not concise even when I'm well rested. Just needed to vent.
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You are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Kids are hard. My two are 23 and 21. Gosh I remember the broken sleep. My 8 month old stopped napping. But then was grumpy all day and evening till bedtime. She refused to go in a pushchair from 22 months even though I had just had her brother and REALLY needed them both contained lol. You will get through this and things will get better. But at the time you won’t believe us. Lol. Hang on in there.
 
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