Who’s struggling?

*kate* said:
Sending hugs to everyone who is struggling x

My Mom In Law was diagnosed with mixed Dementia last week, primarily Vascular with Alzheimers as a secondary. She lives alone, doesnt want any help, thinks everyone is interfering, so no idea how this will all pan out over the months/years.

My Daughter has a Chiari brain malformation for which she had surgery in 2019. Her headaches have returned and she has had a scan and has fluid collecting around the scar tissue. Only option is repeat surgery but she wont have it due to not wanting to leave her 4 year old daughter for a week and the complications she had following the surgery.

My 4 year old Granddaughter has been assessed for ASD and ADHD and we get the outcome in April. Will be good to get answers but still more stress.

We also had Covid 3.5 weeks ago and although we werent very ill we are all still feeling much more fatigued than usual.

Anyway, we carry on the best we can, don't we?
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I’m really sorry for your mother in laws dementia diagnosis. Such a sad time for you all. My heart really goes out to you all. If you’d like a natter feel free to PM me.

Such a scary time for your daughter. I hope she has the op and then she can live her life pain free with her daughter. But then saying that I need an operation on my back but I’m too scared to have it done. So I understand why she doesn’t want it.

It’s good your grand daughter is having tests so young. If she does get a ASD or ADHD diagnosis then it will help her in school.

Lots of people are noticing fatigue after Covid. I hope you all recover quickly.
Take care ❤️
 
*kate* said:
Sending hugs to everyone who is struggling x

My Mom In Law was diagnosed with mixed Dementia last week, primarily Vascular with Alzheimers as a secondary. She lives alone, doesnt want any help, thinks everyone is interfering, so no idea how this will all pan out over the months/years.

My Daughter has a Chiari brain malformation for which she had surgery in 2019. Her headaches have returned and she has had a scan and has fluid collecting around the scar tissue. Only option is repeat surgery but she wont have it due to not wanting to leave her 4 year old daughter for a week and the complications she had following the surgery.

My 4 year old Granddaughter has been assessed for ASD and ADHD and we get the outcome in April. Will be good to get answers but still more stress.

We also had Covid 3.5 weeks ago and although we werent very ill we are all still feeling much more fatigued than usual.

Anyway, we carry on the best we can, don't we?
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Sounds like you have a lot going on :( I’m very sorry to hear that about your mother in law. My husbands grandad was diagnosed with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s about 4 years ago. Sadly he can no longer take care of himself and has been in a nursing home for the last two years

I hope your daughter is feeling better soon x
 
vertigo.

I'm used to vertigo. It happens, some of the meds I take now don't fix it so much as it's less frequent and nowhere near as bad, but it'd still be nice to be able to move without that "floor's moving" kick. The boys need cleaned out but I'm wary, I could do it but every time my head moves I'd be worried about keeling over on them. Even though I know I won't, if I can use the stairs fine I can clean the boys out.

It's just like...first, I feel like it shouldn't be so much of an issue. it's not a new one, not by a long shot. But then it gets lumped in as "dizziness" and I feel like that allows other people to dismiss it as, well everyone gets a bit dizzy sometimes right? As if that changes the fact it's still there when I lie down, it doesn't magically disappear, it's just a lot less dangerous for me to be lying down than standing up.

I'm so done with this by now. It's been going on for a few days, I wish it'd pack it in. Not helping is that my intestines have decided to remind me of just how irritable they can be this morning, so I've got dehydration going on too, and it's a lot harder to get enough fluids in than people realise. I hate being unwell, it sets off my anxiety and paranoia too, who doesn't enjoy a double whammy outta nowhere?
 
I hope the vertigo gets better soon. Take things easy.
 
Mum came home yesterday with a life vest. This will keep her safe until the permanent treatment is carried out (currently delayed as they treat something else) so hopefully after follow up tests next month, we will have a plan. Until then, I'm a nervous wreck.

My brother is still not helping much, if at all and he's lying about what he is doing to help. Everytime there is a noise, I jump and my anxiety is through the roof right now. The hunt for a driving instructor continues but I'm going to message some this weekend. Right now would be a good time to actually be able to drive but... life, hey.

Hope everyone is as well as can be.
 
Sar said:
Mum came home yesterday with a life vest. This will keep her safe until the permanent treatment is carried out (currently delayed as they treat something else) so hopefully after follow up tests next month, we will have a plan. Until then, I'm a nervous wreck.

My brother is still not helping much, if at all and he's lying about what he is doing to help. Everytime there is a noise, I jump and my anxiety is through the roof right now. The hunt for a driving instructor continues but I'm going to message some this weekend. Right now would be a good time to actually be able to drive but... life, hey.

Hope everyone is as well as can be.
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I’m so pleased your mum is home. Your anxiety will hopefully settle in the coming days when you get used to a new “normal”. You’re doing brilliantly. Taking care of everything while your mum is unwell. Take no notice of your useless brother. Just concentrate on yourself. 🤗
 
I'm not struggling except for struggling to understand something. Son No 3 has a friend who is now a transgender woman. (I'm not struggling with this bit as if you feel you have been born in the wrong body it mustn't be very nice.) What I am having difficulty understanding is transgender woman now has a girlfriend and is gay. I'm very open minded but this has got me totally confused. Please can somebody help me to understand. Son No 3 has tried but left me totally confuddled.
 
Betsy said:
I'm not struggling except for struggling to understand something. Son No 3 has a friend who is now a transgender woman. (I'm not struggling with this bit as if you feel you have been born in the wrong body it mustn't be very nice.) What I am having difficulty understanding is transgender woman now has a girlfriend and is gay. I'm very open minded but this has got me totally confused. Please can somebody help me to understand. Son No 3 has tried but left me totally confuddled.
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Being transgender or not has no bearing on your sexuality. Like...you know I'm a trans man. If I was straight, I'd be into women. If I was gay, I'd be into men. Same for a trans woman - she's a woman first, trans second.

Or to put it another way, if you were into women, you'd be gay. She's no different.
 
Lorcan said:
Being transgender or not has no bearing on your sexuality. Like...you know I'm a trans man. If I was straight, I'd be into women. If I was gay, I'd be into men. Same for a trans woman - she's a woman first, trans second.

Or to put it another way, if you were into women, you'd be gay. She's no different.
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Thanks Lorcan, now why couldn't Son No 3 explain it like that?

I think the bit I was confused about is I only know her as a man. I've never met her as a woman. In my mind she was/is still a man as that is how I last saw her. When she was a he, he came to stay here and came downstairs for breakfast in a pair of red tartan pyjama trousers and not a lot else!
 
Can’t put into words. Last few days I’ve been throwing up but I put it down to anxiety over leaving my fiancé; I got to the airport last night and as I was queuing to board my plane I got chest pains, stomach pains and started throwing up an absolute ton. The ticket lady pulled me to the side and said she’d make the plane wait as long as it was willing to, 30 minutes later I’m still there with my head in a bin throwing up uncontrollably. They called paramedics and I had to be shuttled out of the airport on a stretcher and taken to hospital. Turns out I have nasty stomach bug that I’ve now given to my fiancé. My leave date is today, I’ve had to call for an extension which apparently they can’t give because it isn’t 10 days prior to the leave date, but once I explained what had happened to me they put a request through. I’m worried sick about what’s going to happen to me, ontop of having to pay a massive hospital bill that I know I can’t afford. I’ve never felt so scared and alone in my entire life
 
Rivervixen said:
Can’t put into words. Last few days I’ve been throwing up but I put it down to anxiety over leaving my fiancé; I got to the airport last night and as I was queuing to board my plane I got chest pains, stomach pains and started throwing up an absolute ton. The ticket lady pulled me to the side and said she’d make the plane wait as long as it was willing to, 30 minutes later I’m still there with my head in a bin throwing up uncontrollably. They called paramedics and I had to be shuttled out of the airport on a stretcher and taken to hospital. Turns out I have nasty stomach bug that I’ve now given to my fiancé. My leave date is today, I’ve had to call for an extension which apparently they can’t give because it isn’t 10 days prior to the leave date, but once I explained what had happened to me they put a request through. I’m worried sick about what’s going to happen to me, ontop of having to pay a massive hospital bill that I know I can’t afford. I’ve never felt so scared and alone in my entire life
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I’m so sorry this is happening :( I know it’s hard but try not to worry, it will sort itself out in the end. Concentrate on getting better x
 
Rivervixen said:
Can’t put into words. Last few days I’ve been throwing up but I put it down to anxiety over leaving my fiancé; I got to the airport last night and as I was queuing to board my plane I got chest pains, stomach pains and started throwing up an absolute ton. The ticket lady pulled me to the side and said she’d make the plane wait as long as it was willing to, 30 minutes later I’m still there with my head in a bin throwing up uncontrollably. They called paramedics and I had to be shuttled out of the airport on a stretcher and taken to hospital. Turns out I have nasty stomach bug that I’ve now given to my fiancé. My leave date is today, I’ve had to call for an extension which apparently they can’t give because it isn’t 10 days prior to the leave date, but once I explained what had happened to me they put a request through. I’m worried sick about what’s going to happen to me, ontop of having to pay a massive hospital bill that I know I can’t afford. I’ve never felt so scared and alone in my entire life
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I am so sorry. Hopefully you will get better soon so you can make your flight.

Do not worry about the hospital bill. If I remember right, you are in the US right now. The hospitals here have financial aid and charity set up based on your finances. I used to work with hospital billing so I am familiar with how things work. Make sure you take care of you and everything else will work itself out.
 
Rivervixen said:
Can’t put into words. Last few days I’ve been throwing up but I put it down to anxiety over leaving my fiancé; I got to the airport last night and as I was queuing to board my plane I got chest pains, stomach pains and started throwing up an absolute ton. The ticket lady pulled me to the side and said she’d make the plane wait as long as it was willing to, 30 minutes later I’m still there with my head in a bin throwing up uncontrollably. They called paramedics and I had to be shuttled out of the airport on a stretcher and taken to hospital. Turns out I have nasty stomach bug that I’ve now given to my fiancé. My leave date is today, I’ve had to call for an extension which apparently they can’t give because it isn’t 10 days prior to the leave date, but once I explained what had happened to me they put a request through. I’m worried sick about what’s going to happen to me, ontop of having to pay a massive hospital bill that I know I can’t afford. I’ve never felt so scared and alone in my entire life
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Hope you are soon feeling better.
 
Thank you everyone for your lovely messages. Still have the nasty tummy and food just will not stay down :( the immigration people were meant to call yesterday or today so I’m guessing it’s today. @RedLoredAmazon they did give me a care packet and I definitely qualify for them to help me out with the bill, just hope it’s not a complicated process because I couldn’t cope with that atm :( I’m very glad I have this forum to vent on and have lots of support, I appreciate everybody being so kind xx
 
My mum's just been off the phone, my nan's partner died yesterday. He rang her from the hospital at 19:00, apparently she couldn't really understand him, but it was to tell her he loved her. He died at 19:15.

I only met him back in June when my parents and I stayed at nan's for the week. Before I went I got the impression neither of my parents were particularly fond of him (I know why now, but the issues began when I was in nappies. Old wounds and all that.), but he was a genuinely nice guy. Very pleasant, polite....whatever his previous problems were, he'd paid for them since. But he wasn't bitter, he was a pleasant old man and I'm genuinely sorry I didn't know him sooner and I didn't have another chance to say hello. And I'm hurting for my nan because he was good to her - he was very, very good to her.

I don't quite know, right now. I just don't quite know.
 
Lorcan said:
My mum's just been off the phone, my nan's partner died yesterday. He rang her from the hospital at 19:00, apparently she couldn't really understand him, but it was to tell her he loved her. He died at 19:15.

I only met him back in June when my parents and I stayed at nan's for the week. Before I went I got the impression neither of my parents were particularly fond of him (I know why now, but the issues began when I was in nappies. Old wounds and all that.), but he was a genuinely nice guy. Very pleasant, polite....whatever his previous problems were, he'd paid for them since. But he wasn't bitter, he was a pleasant old man and I'm genuinely sorry I didn't know him sooner and I didn't have another chance to say hello. And I'm hurting for my nan because he was good to her - he was very, very good to her.

I don't quite know, right now. I just don't quite know.
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I'm so sorry @Lorcan. It bought a tear to my eye. Thinking of him saying goodbye to your nan. I’m pleased he was good to your nan. She will have lots of wonderful memories to think back on. Take care. ❤️
 
Me again! Just wanted to reach out to the lovely people on the forum. I’m feeling rubbish. It feels like I’m trying really hard to please everyone and it’s still not good enough. No ones looking out for me! Sometimes I wish I could just disappear and see how everyone copes without me. I’ve tried talking to people about how I feel but nothing changes. I feel like I’m coming to the end of my tether. 🤯
 
weepweeps said:
Me again! Just wanted to reach out to the lovely people on the forum. I’m feeling rubbish. It feels like I’m trying really hard to please everyone and it’s still not good enough. No ones looking out for me! Sometimes I wish I could just disappear and see how everyone copes without me. I’ve tried talking to people about how I feel but nothing changes. I feel like I’m coming to the end of my tether. 🤯
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You need to put yourself first and stop trying to please everyone all the time. I know it's hard but you are the most important. If nobody looks out for you then you must look out for you. Have a hug :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
 
Betsy said:
You need to put yourself first and stop trying to please everyone all the time. I know it's hard but you are the most important. If nobody looks out for you then you must look out for you. Have a hug :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Thank you @Betsy. 😘
 
I’m so sorry @weepweeps. Sometimes we all need a time out from doing for others. And to simply put ourselves first in whatever way we need. It’s not selfish. It’s self care. Taking care of yourself is the best way to be able to help others in the long term. Is there any way you can just grab some dedicated you time? X
 
Thank you. 😘. It’s just so hard when there are so many different issues to deal with all at once.
 
weepweeps said:
Thank you. 😘. It’s just so hard when there are so many different issues to deal with all at once.
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It’s easy for any of us to get overwhelmed. I can fully identify with that. When things become overwhelming I just try to focus on one thing at a time and not look at everything else that’s lurking in the wings. I know it’s not easy.
 
weepweeps said:
Thank you. 😘. It’s just so hard when there are so many different issues to deal with all at once.
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When I have lots of issues to deal with I write them all down in a long list and have a good look at it. When you have it written down it's easier to focus on the more important ones. It helps your brain to relax a bit too as its not trying to store it all at once.
 
Betsy said:
When I have lots of issues to deal with I write them all down in a long list and have a good look at it. When you have it written down it's easier to focus on the more important ones. It helps your brain to relax a bit too as its not trying to store it all at once.
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That is a good tip @Betsy. It’s exhausting trying to remember everything
 
Ah weepweeps I’m sorry you are feeling overwhelmed.
Betsy’s idea could help …..writing a list and prioritise the important stuff.
You can’t do everything and you do need to take care of yourself.
I think you need to change things if no one is listening…. put yourself first and say no to anyone asking things of you.
We are all here to support you and help you and we care about you 🥰
 
Prioritise yourself. Take a few days out if you need to, don't do anything except the essentials for daily living and self care find the things that make you feel like you and indulge in them. It's OK to say no to things people won't instantly sease to function if you can't help out for a bit. If it's that important they'll find someone else to do it. We all need to support each other but that shouldn't come at the cost of your wellbeing.
 
Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed @weepweeps

I also second the list idea.
I am a huge fan of writing down every single tiny thing that I need to do, and I split it into urgent and less urgent columns.
Then I set a goal to tick off one thing a day (or a week - whatever works for you).
It seems silly but sometimes just sending a dull e-mail, calling to make an appointment, or doing 10 minutes of filing and then ticking it off really helps me see how much I do accomplish in a day.

I am also a big believer in making sure you take time for yourself.
If you don't do it yourself then it really will never happen.
I try to set aside an entire morning or afternoon every 6-8 weeks to do something totally indulgent just for myself.
Sometimes the idea of having this time off is quite stressful (but i have so much to do), but afterwards I always feel better.

I hope you can start to feel better soon.
 
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