The Beastie Boys

VickiA said:
Will they be invoking the services of the GPU?
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Dear George and Boris

I understand that you have had to endure the indignity of bum baths today. How dare your Slave put you through such trauma! I hope you let her know that you were not happy with this treatment! The fact she is now laughing at your lovely floofy trousers is a complete travesty! No wonder she is on the Naughty List for life.

Next time your Slave says that it's bum bath time, run away from her as quickly as possible and try not to let her pick you up. Nip her if you want to (the GPU doesn't condone nipping but does understand that in certain circumstances it is a necessity). If your Slave does manage to pick you up wheak very loudly as if you are being murdered and wriggle like mad so she is under no illusions that you are not happy.

Yours feeling your pain

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Dear Miss Bramble,
We always behave beautifully for bum baths despite the indignity. I have a slightly floofy underpig gentleman area that can gather debris and Boris gets a yucky mucky grease gland so we are more comfortable afterwards. Despite being on the naughty list FOREVER, slave gives us yummy herbs for being such good boys.
Yours,
George and Boris
 
Dear Miss Bramble,
We can highly recommend a new punishment for errant slaves, although we think it works best with teenage boars.
If you hear your slaves having discussions about sending you away so they can get some winter sun, just spend 2 days rumblestrutting, squabbling and having loads of noisy chin offs and chases. After you convince them that your bond is in danger and they decide the holiday is a bad idea (missing out on the really good discount), you can sleep next to each other and be good friends again.
Yours advisingly,
George and Boris 💋
 
fluffysal said:
Today we are staring at daddy slave while he eats his melon hoping he remembers how much we like it too!
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Were you successful boys? Today I stared out Daddy slave when he started eating a banana- which he doesn’t normally share- but today I got a tiny tiny bit.
Wheeks from Hamish
 
Dear Hamish,
The rind with some melon left on it is in the fridge for later, right now we are busy burrowing in the fresh hay (it has dandelion forage in!). We're pleased you enjoyed your daddy slaves banana. We don't like bananas but we love the peel.
George and Boris
 
The boys are getting a surprise today, 4 new hammocks. I wanted to hold out until Christmas (like they'd even know!) However Boris has definitely grown out of the smaller one so now they argue over the other one. Why four? Because beautiful looking Boris is a dirty boy who pees and poops in his sleep. Much to the disgust of George who dives into the hammock, grumbles, gets out immediately and then spends ages grooming. George does not potty where he sleeps! So four means I can put a clean, dry one in every day. On a side note, arranging to visit sister in law after Christmas. Asked her if it's still ok to bring the boys. Her response was that if we don't she won't let us stay!
 
Dear Miss Bramble,
I have a request. Please can you put daddy slave on the naughty list FOREVER.
Last night I was happily napping in my hammock when he put the light on and walked through our room. This is ok, we are used to both slaves doing this. On his return journey he opened the fridge to get some water. Of course I had to stand at the bars wheeking (you never know, it might work!) He came over to me and I was very graciously let him give me a chin stroke. He then picked me up and took me to a strange room, carefully got into bed and put me down on his chest. I growled at him, is this acceptable? I didn't know I could growl, I've never done it before. I snatched the green bean off him then spat it out! (I am unbribable, well sometimes...), I climbed off him and on to mummy slave. I licked her arm and snuggled her for a few minutes to punish him. I accepted the green bean off her and when I finished it she told him to let me go back home. I "accidentally" scratched his chest on the way back as I didn't have any poops ready.
Yours in shock and outrage,
Boris
 
Dear Boris

Oh dear your Slaves are really letting you down aren't they? First Mummy Slave is on the Naughty List forever and now your request that Daddy Slave needs to go on the Naughty List forever will have to go to the Emergency Committee Meeting tomorrow as I can't make that judgement alone.

I'll explain everything to the Committee and let you know the outcome after the Meeting.

I do think it's disgraceful that Daddy Slave took you to a strange room and plonked you on his chest in the Mysterious Land of Bed. I think growling is perfectly acceptable in this situation. Congratulations in showing willpower to spit out the green been that Daddy Slave gave you (How did you do that? Green beans are YUM!). Clearly at this time you preferred Mummy Slave as she hadn't taken you off the Mysterious Land of Bed. It was good that you felt relaxed enough to snuggle into her and eat the green bean.

Well done on scratching Daddy Slave on the way back. Remember this: Always have plenty of poops ready as you never know when you may need Poops of Protest.

Your friend in a crisis

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Dear Miss Bramble,
Thank you for your quick response. Spitting out the green bean was very difficult but I knew mummy slave would let me have it. I know she's on the naughty list FOREVER but she is a good slave really, we have lovely new hammocks for me to pee and poop in!
I am continuing to sulk with daddy slave although if he gets the pea flakes out I might struggle.
Yours gratefully,
Boris
 
Dear Boris

I'm sure you'll manage not to eat the pea flakes. We only allow our Slave to give us pea flakes. If The Bringer of Coriander (Daddy Slave) tries to give us pea flakes we run off cos he is The Bringer of Coriander only.

Your friend

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
fluffysal said:
The boys are getting a surprise today, 4 new hammocks. I wanted to hold out until Christmas (like they'd even know!) However Boris has definitely grown out of the smaller one so now they argue over the other one. Why four? Because beautiful looking Boris is a dirty boy who pees and poops in his sleep. Much to the disgust of George who dives into the hammock, grumbles, gets out immediately and then spends ages grooming. George does not potty where he sleeps! So four means I can put a clean, dry one in every day. On a side note, arranging to visit sister in law after Christmas. Asked her if it's still ok to bring the boys. Her response was that if we don't she won't let us stay!
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Oh dear, George does sound a bit fussy. He would never find a clean spot around here. Everypig pees and poops everywhere and I would never be able to change hammocks so often that George would find a clean one. :eek:
 
I know who has done which poo. George poos are always piled in two corners of the cage and one corner of the hay tray, always makes me smile. Boris poos are EVERYWHERE........George IS very fastidious bless him. When they get their veggies Boris piles in and eats whereas George stops and cleans himself off a few times.
 
Dear Boris

The GPU Committee held an Emergency Meeting this morning to discuss whether Daddy Slave should be added to the Naughty List forever. They were most disappointed that both of your Slaves didn't come up to standard. They agreed that you should never have been taken to the Mysterious Land of Bed and that it's very scary there. Therefore the conclusion they came to is that Daddy Slave is now added to the Naughty List forever.

More training of your Slaves is required by you and George and this is what the Committee decided is necessary:-
  1. You need to run around and not let your Slaves pick you up and if they manage to wriggle so that they know you are unhappy.
  2. Wheak loudly whenever the fridge door opens and make sure your Slaves bring you treats.
  3. Start to chew on the bars (not so hard you break your teeth) whenever your Slaves are watching the box in the corner with strange lights, voices and noises. Ignore them when they tell you to stop and to be quiet. Slaves like the noise it makes as they find it strangely comforting.
  4. When anybody comes to the door wheak as though you are being murdered so that whoever has come visiting needs to see you and make a fuss of you.
I hope that this is helpful in beginning the training of your Slaves.

Yours happy to assist you at any time.

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Dear Miss Bramble,
Thank you so much for putting the daddy slave on the naughty list FOREVER.
Unfortunately not all of your advice is applicable as;
1, I am far too dignified to "run around"
2, I like cuddles and lap time and it gets me away from the noisy youngster.
3, Boris wheeks whenever the fridge gets opened anyway. Sometimes he does it without opening his eyes or moving.
4, As for chewing on bars, refer back to 1.
5, Any time anyone visits, they make a huge fuss of myself and my young companion anyway.
Yours apologetically but with kisses,
George
 
fluffysal said:
Dear Miss Bramble,
Thank you so much for putting the daddy slave on the naughty list FOREVER.
Unfortunately not all of your advice is applicable as;
1, I am far too dignified to "run around"
2, I like cuddles and lap time and it gets me away from the noisy youngster.
3, Boris wheeks whenever the fridge gets opened anyway. Sometimes he does it without opening his eyes or moving.
4, As for chewing on bars, refer back to 1.
5, Any time anyone visits, they make a huge fuss of myself and my young companion anyway.
Yours apologetically but with kisses,
George
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Dear George

Sometimes my advice is difficult to follow and you may be too dignified to do some of it and I appreciate that it may be hard, but sometimes you need to try new things and you may find you actually like doing them

It's good to know that you have your visitors trained well.

Your friend

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
Shop Steward
 
George and Boris both enjoy flirting with the ladypigs as they haven't had the pleasure of female company since they were three weeks old. We are in discussions about visiting the plum fairy so they can be husboars at some point in the future.
 
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