Thank you everyone for your messages of love, reassurance and support.
It was a tough few days at work for me but it did provide a distraction from the pain as well.
We're both very sad, miss her and wish we could cuddle her again. But it would never be enough as we never want to say goodbye. With both Ginger and Leia it was hard to leave their little bodies at the vets. I could have stayed there for hours talking to them and holding them. You never want to let them go and it was very hard to leave especially with how quick it happened. But we know their piggy spirits were already gone and it was just their bodies
We speak to them sometimes and the main thing I tell them is that I love them, will always love and miss them and that I would have looked after them forever if they were able to stay. :'(
That's my biggest thing I get held up on.. that I would have had them forever if I was allowed and always do everything to make them happy. And although they were happy, safe and looked after, and now at peace not having know any pain or fear, it is us who are here mourning their loss. I didn't want them to go but knew they couldn't help it. We all get old, sick at some point and death is inevitable. It's the circle of life. But in our culture death is not a celebration of life or something we are all exposed to. I hope I can start to change my perspective over time. I do think that they lived out their amazing piggy lives, I'm grateful to have had the light/joy/happiness that they brought to my life and their passing means that when we are ready we can help other piggies to have amazing lives. And I think that's a blessing to look after animals. They're one of the best things in this world along with nature. Yes we gave them so much but they gave us so much in return. We were blessed to have had each other and are still blessed with memories which in time will be happy and not painful/sad.
I've spoken to both Simon and the local vet who reassured us we could not have done anything more or better for either of them. That Ginger went quickly and peacefully and she would not have been aware of what was happening. It was just hard for us to see. They also explained the extremely quick rigor mortis and it's helping me to let those images go and try to remember how she was before. Although when I think of her I still see the boney ill Ginger instead of the chubby healthy one before the cancer. But I don't have any photos of after she started losing weight and in time I think I'll let that go too. When I think of Leia now I forget she had a bad eye and a lump on her face towards the end.
I'm trying not to let guilt eat me up. The one I'm stuck on is that I need to prepare for this promotion interview and I only have this weekend to do so. Because I was doing my application all day on Ginger's last day and barely saw her I still feel guilt and sorrow over that. That 20 minutes before she passed, she wasn't running to my bf with the salad but at the other end of the cage looking out to where I was. I feel incredibly guilty that she might have been looking for where I was right before she had to go. I did go in and call her a silly pig because the salad was the other way and stroked her head. My bf put some salad in front of her and she starting eating. I returned to the office to continue working. If I had known I would have spent all day with her. Sat there and just watched her or held her. People say but you couldn't have known. But there were clues that day that she was not right and it was getting closer.
And tears are streaming down my face while I type this. I've felt numb the past couple of days. How's it day 4 since we left us?! I have cried several times but not the intense painful emotion that I feel I need to get out. Writing here is always cathartic and I appreciate this forum so much.
Instead I picked her up when I saw she was collapsed. She was struggling to hold herself and I knew it was the end so I put her on my chest to comfort her as she struggled. Within a minute of getting a big super soft blanket to put her on, she went completely floppy. By the time I put her on the blanket I had to position her legs and use the blanket around her to support her. She was still kind of supported with her head up but she wasn't there anymore. After the little fits and running to heaven on her side I tried to position her back into laying but had to lay her head down as it couldn't hold up anymore. She lay there taking her last breaths as we stroked her gently and told her to please go now, it was okay. As her breathing slowed right down we put her back in the cage so Oreo and Nugget could see their Ginger one last time as she was leaving. They came up and looked from a distance before going into the house and not coming back out.
After leaving her at the vet we brought back the little bed we'd taken her in and put it in the cage. The others would not come out of their house for ages but eventually Nugget went up to the bed and sniffed it a lot. It must have smelt like Ginger just before and after she passed. Nugget looked like she was trying to figure things out. She went and looked around the cage before retiring into a tunnel and just sitting there. Oreo, who was with Ginger and Leia since babies didn't come out to sniff the bed for a long time. Eventually she walked by it from a short distance and looked at it. She looked like she was looking for Ginger before she returned to the house. They had about a day and a half where they would barely come out and we had to put some salad in the house which they ate but slowly. Thankfully, they're out and about and nomming again with the vigour piggies do.
I’m so sorry you had to witness so much, it’s horrifying to see and I feel for you, I saw my Reggie passing years ago and it totally broke my heart.
Massive hugs xx
That perspective does help thank you 
