Agraphobia

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I've felt okay today, so much so that I walked to the post office after walking Bobby for 1/2 an hour and posted some things, usually I put anything like that off until I really have to. xx
 
Well done you hun... I have suffered with this and panic attacks on and off for the last 2yrs, after I had a traumatic miscarriage I couldn't face leaving the house, then when I did, the buildings used to move towards me, they still do now but I am starting to cope a little better with it, and won't let it defeat me.
Sending you lots of hugs and courage for your next trip outdoors x
 
and won't let it defeat me.
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Thats what I constantly tell myself :) good on you girl, I'm glad mine isn't so scary, I mean my throat closes up and I heave a lot but thats all it is... my coping mechanisum is to sip water.
 
I find it easier to leave the house when I have my hubby or children with me, as I have more to concentrate on therefore no 'waiting' for things to happen... I think it is very difficult.. especially when you have a doctor who just laughs at you when you tell them what the problem is xx
 
Really? Have you ever thought of changing doctor? My doctor seems to understand but she's new (my old one retired) and I seriously want therapy but she keeps trying to deter me which is ****ing me off as I have problems in my past I need to deal with. She's offered me couselling (which only deals with the here and now) I'm trained in counselling myself and she just looks at me when I explain the concepts behind each, therapy and counselling. Last time I saw her she gave me anxiety tablets but said I need to cope without them and they're only for emergencies, I've used them twice in the whole month of this starting. They make me hysterically cry lol
 
Today I've not been able to do anything, I slept most of it *** I was exhausted, I had sign on but rang them up at 9am to use one of my 'sick days' and then I rang the lady I walk bobby for and said the weather was terrible and I was sick, she was annoyed ¬_¬... tbh i'm doing her a favour >.<

Africa's lump seems to be at his neck and further down his body and he dislikes being touched, altho he eats and drinks normally and is still active, I've finally got a doctors appointment for Friday 10:30am... takes a bloodi age to get one, it's been 3 weeks since I last went and I need to sign off sick soon... but now I'm worried about money.
 
Beautifulmess said:
I own a wii fit, with the games wii sport, wii fit plus, ea active and just dance. I'm afraid I'm oppisite to most people though, exercise makes me depressed lol, I don't get why I don't get this big happy rush scientists say yu should. My aim for fitness is to go jogging actually. I love jogging on the wii, I admit its on the spot but it's decent and I managed to expand my level from finding it hard to do 2 minutes to just sailing through it all. Otherwise, yoga books, exercise dvd's, I do an army one thats good. :)
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thanks I wanted to get a wii for xmas so you might have the answer there!
I do hope you feel better soon, I am in a mess myself at the moment...I hope the counselling works out for you and ignore the woman you walk the dog for, some people are ridiculous.
 
I think it's just because her dog is inconternent (sp?) She ends up cleaning up after him constantly if he doesn't get walks, but I can't take him on 100% of my time you see, I'm a volunteer and I'm walking two dogs altho I'm not sure why I should be walking my other dog since he has 5 walkers! Bobby seems to be getting the raw end of the deal with just me and this lad, I'm doing 3 days a week, the lad one, if we're both ill, Bobby doesn't get walked :( just because he's old...

I'm battling with some stupid cough atm, I did go to work today, and spent yesterday with my mom in Cheadle, I did her complete shop in Iceland, getting it delievered and did some shop in Morrisons and walked to boots. (Cheadle is the worse place in the world in my opinion, a lot happened to me there and it's where my Agoraphobia started when I was 18) but my mom likes it and I'm growing used to it again. I'm always feeling ill when I'm there, I always over eat too. My boyfriend decided not to go out with mates Saturday night but to stay in with me which was nice, so I didn't sleep at my moms. I watched Come Dine With Me and when we got back to mine I made an Edan Mess :D OMG that dessert is fantastic!


Work was fine, busy all day, highest takings too (as we're only a small tea bar, £4-£10 is our normal intake) today it was near £30! Anyways... I forgot my bottle of water so I battled my way through town trying to 'ignore' the feeling my throat does and tried to 'ignore' the fact I'd forgotten my security blanket (my water bottle)... My boyfriend made it worse by not being at the pub we meet and instead being back at the car meaning a longer walk for me, with hurtful shoes and a panic ball starting as I call it. I got into the car and nearly burst into tears, he took it as me having a go and went all sulky, so the next hour wasn't fantastic, we walked Alfie (1st dog I walk) and then got home and just watched TV with soup and tea <3

I feel okay right now, I was kinda down throughout the day, I suffer with depression and the way my life is got me down, I was talking to my bf about trying to be a couple with a decent house and a comfortable wage package (combined) and he was going on about having sound proofed rooms and game rooms (as boys do) usually I laugh it off as a joke which it is but sometimes I think he's really serious and I think, how the hell are we going to afford a 6 bedroom house when I can't even get qualifired! :S

He made me feel better though. <3

I'm waiting for my letter for the counselling, it's apprantly a new scheme from the NHS and you can only go to it through being referred and it has group sessions, one to one and classes to build confidence, self esteem and other things. lol
 
So far my list today is

Breakfast
Callis and Africa medicine
Bath
Go to shop for electric, post office and chemist for meds.
Walk for 10 minutes extra
Feed the pigs
Wash up, Lunch
Clean the pigs beds
Take recycling and rubbish downstairs
iron
clean the floors
hoover
sort my now sold black sofa out
Clean the hall way
dinner
watch tv
facemask :)
put wash on and go to bed.

So far I've done the top 7 :) about to go wash up and then have lunch.
 
Lunch done, WW healthy broth soup (very nice btw) 2 cobs and a cup of tea, 6 1/2 points. :) finish the washing up and clean pigs beds out now. What have you to do? x
 
pigs beds cleaned out, recycling and rubbish taken downstairs, I've got to iron, clean the kitchen and bathroom floor then I'll start dinner, (meatballs :) ) I'm starting to feel sick, it's either that or i'm getting heartburn :(
 
You're nearing the end now. Well done. Don't push yourself too far though. If you don't feel well, stop and do it tomorrow.

I've been shopping and made time for a long piggy floortime today. I did loads of cleaning yesterday so I've only hoovered today. Just off to cook dinner then going to do some sewing. I'm going to the rescue tomorrow. :)
 
Ok, I stayed on my points, did everything on my list but hoover, clean the kitchen and bathroom floor, clean hall way, and facemask.

But I finally have a decent livingroom! :D
 
Yesterday I had agarophobia in my house due to being scared by this random caller, then I went ot Newcastle to watch Harry Potter and was sorta fine until Daniel and I jogged back to the car, my throat just closed then the heaving began but do you know what, even tho it was a little violent, I just carried on straight after and even smiled and laughed about it.

This morning I felt a panic attack arising whilst talking to a freecycler at the door and then I felt sick and dizzy that I spent most of the day in bed. The feeling in my throat has changed from what it began, before it felt like a ball of flem now it feels like my actual throat (the very top of it at the very back of the mouth, tonsils?) is heavy and is baring down on the bottom almost like it's sealing it's self, water calms me down enough to open it but unlike the flemmy feeling doesn't clear it.

Counsellors rang today, they even asked what time of day would i prefer for my sessions! thank goodness, because mornings will mean I'll proberly not go to them, i'm worsein the mornings, my psychology exam in January is at 9am :(
 
Yesterday I had agarophobia in my house due to being scared by this random caller, then I went ot Newcastle to watch Harry Potter and was sorta fine until Daniel and I jogged back to the car, my throat just closed then the heaving began but do you know what, even tho it was a little violent, I just carried on straight after and even smiled and laughed about it. When I got home, I picked Africa up and was shocked by the amount of fluid he'd gained in the past week so I just burst into tears and ended up closing my throat and throwing up in some sort of fit for a few minutes (in the bathroom without Africa lol) 'sigh'

This morning I felt a panic attack arising whilst talking to a freecycler at the door and then I felt sick and dizzy that I spent most of the day in bed. The feeling in my throat has changed from what it began, before it felt like a ball of flem now it feels like my actual throat (the very top of it at the very back of the mouth, tonsils?) is heavy and is baring down on the bottom almost like it's sealing it's self, water calms me down enough to open it but unlike the flemmy feeling doesn't clear it.

Counsellors rang today, they even asked what time of day would i prefer for my sessions! thank goodness, because mornings will mean I'll proberly not go to them, i'm worsein the mornings, my psychology exam in January is at 9am :(
 
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