Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
Has anyone hear suffered with it? This is kinda linked to my panic attack thread.
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Agraphobia
- Thread starter Beautifulmess
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Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
Yup, for 7 years to varying degrees. Currently pretty much housebound, have made attempts to get out this year and succeeded a lot of the time, but still having major issues. Every day brings a different challenge, some days I can get in the car and travel for a couple of miles, other times you are very lucky to get me out the back gate.
If you wanted to talk privately you are more than welcome to get my by PM or email, or to phone me if you wanted to talk. Otherwise I'm happy to offer my support whenever its needed.
If you wanted to talk privately you are more than welcome to get my by PM or email, or to phone me if you wanted to talk. Otherwise I'm happy to offer my support whenever its needed.
I do too, not as badly as Laura I don't think, but most days I don't get out of my bed little known my house. xx
flintstones
Senior Guinea Pig
Could this be linked too depression? Perhaps see a doctor, I have never had problems going out the house, but when I surffered from depression I just couldn't get out of bed! X
Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
There was a time I couldn't get out of my bed...first time was seven years ago, I stayed in bed for two weeks, that was the turning point for me to pick myself up and try to get a grip on it. Last time was last July, it was a huge battle just to get dressed and some days I found it impossible to leave my room. Turning point from that came because I my dad was in Afghanistan and the situation with leaving my mum to cope with the twins (my brother and sister) on her own was actually depressing me just as much, it took me a few weeks to recognise that. It was weeks before I felt comfortable being outside my room but I got there.
There were days I was too afraid to step outside the back door - literally. If I was asked to put the wheelie bins out the front of the house at the end of the drive, I'd work myself up into panic just at the thought of it. Now, ok I am still having major issues but what I CAN do is:
- Be comfortable anywhere in the house;
- Answer the door and the phone (something I could not do last year);
- Put the bins out;
- Go for a bike ride;
- Walk part of the way to school with the twins (it is half a mile/five mins walk, just around the corner), some days I get halfway, some days I get three quarters of the way, and I have once made it to the school gate;
- Go to the postbox (next to the school) to post letters.
My agoraphobia is a result of emetophobia (fear of nausea/vomiting) and generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). I suffer the GAD when I go out - I have suffered GAD for 14 years (since I was 7 years old) although it was not recognised until seven years ago. My biggest symptoms of the anxiety are a lump and tightening in the throat, churning stomach, hot flushes, clammy hands, dizziness and trembling. Well, it's not rocket science to figure out why I'm agoraphobic...when I feel all those symptoms as an automatic response every time I go out, or get ready to go out, I feel so sick, and having the emetophobia leads to panic attacks. Can you see how it all ties in?
I should also point out that the old definition of agoraphobia being a fear of open spaces, is not accurate. Agoraphobia is part of a panic disorder, it is the fear of being in a situation you feel trapped in or stuck in a situation you cannot escape easily. For me, the fear is so great, the avoidance behaviour comes into it. If I feel I am very liable to flip from feeling able to tolerate the feelings to feeling panicked and totally overwhelmed, I will very rarely push myself to go out.
There is a lot more to my condition(s) than what I have described and which I generally don't go into, I am dealing with it personally and with the support of a friend and a counsellor, but with regards to the agoraphobia, this is the bulk of it.
There were days I was too afraid to step outside the back door - literally. If I was asked to put the wheelie bins out the front of the house at the end of the drive, I'd work myself up into panic just at the thought of it. Now, ok I am still having major issues but what I CAN do is:
- Be comfortable anywhere in the house;
- Answer the door and the phone (something I could not do last year);
- Put the bins out;
- Go for a bike ride;
- Walk part of the way to school with the twins (it is half a mile/five mins walk, just around the corner), some days I get halfway, some days I get three quarters of the way, and I have once made it to the school gate;
- Go to the postbox (next to the school) to post letters.
My agoraphobia is a result of emetophobia (fear of nausea/vomiting) and generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). I suffer the GAD when I go out - I have suffered GAD for 14 years (since I was 7 years old) although it was not recognised until seven years ago. My biggest symptoms of the anxiety are a lump and tightening in the throat, churning stomach, hot flushes, clammy hands, dizziness and trembling. Well, it's not rocket science to figure out why I'm agoraphobic...when I feel all those symptoms as an automatic response every time I go out, or get ready to go out, I feel so sick, and having the emetophobia leads to panic attacks. Can you see how it all ties in?
I should also point out that the old definition of agoraphobia being a fear of open spaces, is not accurate. Agoraphobia is part of a panic disorder, it is the fear of being in a situation you feel trapped in or stuck in a situation you cannot escape easily. For me, the fear is so great, the avoidance behaviour comes into it. If I feel I am very liable to flip from feeling able to tolerate the feelings to feeling panicked and totally overwhelmed, I will very rarely push myself to go out.
There is a lot more to my condition(s) than what I have described and which I generally don't go into, I am dealing with it personally and with the support of a friend and a counsellor, but with regards to the agoraphobia, this is the bulk of it.
my first time of not getting out of bed was when I was 15, I was sexually abused by a teacher in my secondary school and I broke. I just wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't eat and barely drank anything. I slept a lot and cried. My nan and grandad tried to coax me out, my mum and dad tried to coax me out, my aunt and uncle tried... it just wasn't working. Then one day I just...decided that that was it, I wanted to go back to school and get my gcse's, I didn't want to waste my life. I don't know what happend in my head or what but it just...clicked.
Then, it goes on and off, I have weeks where I don't want to get out of bed/go out the house/walk down the street all of that.
when I get really nervous I start shallow breathing, feel shakey, cry and usually bite my nails till they bleed or my lip.
I can see how it all ties in It's strange once you start making the connections.
The problem for me is that we've just moved home - my fiance and me - and... I can rarely be anywhere but the bedroom, sometimes i'll sit in the guinea pig room but most of the time i'll ask him to get one out for me. He sits in teh spare room on his computor and I hate being alone, so much.
I think my thing stems from not liking situations which make me unhappy, I avoid them at ALL COSTS. i'll let people talk to me like crap, walk all over me whatever if I can just avoid the confrontation. Maybe that's because when I was in school I got in trouble and that's how the other situation started... I don't know... anyway yeah I'm not really dealing with it just ...pandering to it, which annoys me a fair amount lol...
xx
Then, it goes on and off, I have weeks where I don't want to get out of bed/go out the house/walk down the street all of that.
when I get really nervous I start shallow breathing, feel shakey, cry and usually bite my nails till they bleed or my lip.
I can see how it all ties in
It's strange once you start making the connections. The problem for me is that we've just moved home - my fiance and me - and... I can rarely be anywhere but the bedroom, sometimes i'll sit in the guinea pig room but most of the time i'll ask him to get one out for me. He sits in teh spare room on his computor and I hate being alone, so much.
I think my thing stems from not liking situations which make me unhappy, I avoid them at ALL COSTS. i'll let people talk to me like crap, walk all over me whatever if I can just avoid the confrontation. Maybe that's because when I was in school I got in trouble and that's how the other situation started... I don't know... anyway yeah
I'm not really dealing with it just ...pandering to it, which annoys me a fair amount lol... xx
Although some days are better than others, I did manage to meet another member off here the other day for a coffee, which was nice but I was so nervous:| lol
Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
Nervous or not, you did it. That's a massive achievement, you should be proud of yourself. Don't put yourself down because you felt nervous, or because since then you've not "kept up" that step forward. What matters above all else, is that you did it.
I went to the postbox on Sunday, panic attack on the way home, for once not to do with being out but to do with the physical health problems I'm currently struggling with. The bike ride to the box and back pretty much wiped me out physically and it's that which frightened me. I could let that panic put me back from a mental health point of view...I could say, well see I went out and I panicked! But what I have been learning to do over the last couple of months, with the help of a friend and the counsellor, is to tell myself that what I CAN do is amazing, it does matter. Yes there's a lot I can't do but look at what progress I have made, look at what I am able to do - and that is actually a lot! I've made more progress this year than I ever have in such a short space of time, most people automatically look at the agoraphobia when I say this and say, well you're just not getting anywhere. But for me, I know I still struggle with it, but deep down I am handling things far better emotionally, I have learnt so much with the pigs and taken so many steps forward with them, and socially (whe people come to the house, or speak on the phone) I'm a thousand times better than I was last year.
So for me, from a mental health point of view, I don't see my trip to the postbox as a failure. Because I did it. I tried, the bonus is I managed to get there and post my letter.
Try not to let what other people expect of you take over and drag you down - and I know only too well how very impossible it seems to be, to put yourself first and try to do only what is right for you when you feel obliged to anyone around you. When it is right for you, then you will take the steps to get past the fears.
I went to the postbox on Sunday, panic attack on the way home, for once not to do with being out but to do with the physical health problems I'm currently struggling with. The bike ride to the box and back pretty much wiped me out physically and it's that which frightened me. I could let that panic put me back from a mental health point of view...I could say, well see I went out and I panicked! But what I have been learning to do over the last couple of months, with the help of a friend and the counsellor, is to tell myself that what I CAN do is amazing, it does matter. Yes there's a lot I can't do but look at what progress I have made, look at what I am able to do - and that is actually a lot! I've made more progress this year than I ever have in such a short space of time, most people automatically look at the agoraphobia when I say this and say, well you're just not getting anywhere. But for me, I know I still struggle with it, but deep down I am handling things far better emotionally, I have learnt so much with the pigs and taken so many steps forward with them, and socially (whe people come to the house, or speak on the phone) I'm a thousand times better than I was last year.
So for me, from a mental health point of view, I don't see my trip to the postbox as a failure. Because I did it. I tried, the bonus is I managed to get there and post my letter.
Try not to let what other people expect of you take over and drag you down - and I know only too well how very impossible it seems to be, to put yourself first and try to do only what is right for you when you feel obliged to anyone around you. When it is right for you, then you will take the steps to get past the fears.
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Laura, I love your courage and your wisdom. You're amazing.
You've obviously learnt a lot in the past year and I'm proud of you from hearing about it.
I do find it so hard to put myself first, I feel selfish. Selfish and horrible.
x
You've obviously learnt a lot in the past year and I'm proud of you from hearing about it.
I do find it so hard to put myself first, I feel selfish. Selfish and horrible.
x
well done on posting the letter too xx
xx
Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
Lexy, I cannot tell you how familiar that feeling of selfishness is. Really, I've grown up feeling any time I spend on myself if selfish.
It is only through allowing myself to open up and talk to someone - and at times, I can tell you that I feel horrible for offloading so much cr*p onto someone else, although I am learning to get over that feeling - it is only through actually talking and writing about everything affecting me in my life, and not holding back, that I have a) accepted a lot more about my conditions, and b) learnt some very effective tools for dealing with my emotional/mental health.
I speak to a private counsellor who comes to my home once a week. In those sessions, I usually feel a tad anxious prior to her arriving, and I always find myself thinking, what on earth am I going to talk about? But for the past six or seven weeks I've been seeing her, I have talked for the full hour. And half the time I don't know what I've talked about. For the first time in my life, I can talk without analysing my thoughts first and not worry about what the person listening to me will say. Most of the time, she doesn't offer any practical suggestions, she is more of a listener, and that's what I need right now. At some point I will need more practical help, but for now, I have 21 years of bottled emotions to work through and for that, I just need to talk and write it out! Sometimes I do dig deep down into thoughts I have kept locked up for a long time, and I think before I speak. Sometimes it is hard to bring a subject up, and I know I need to deal with it, but I don't force it, I will let myself talk about it whenever I am ready, and I have done every time so far. Everything I have known I wanted to talk about but not felt able to in a session, I've tackled it in the next session or the session after.
I've always been a bottler - locking my emotions away and ignoring them. I'm not saying I am cured from that, it's a work in progress, but I will be honest and say that I actually now find it harder to bottle things than to work through them, and I seriously feel the effects of bottling things as soon as I bottle them.
For me, my biggest release and method of working through my emotions, is to write all the cr*p out, usually to my friend. I get love and support back, sometimes a few practical suggestions. She equally knows I am here for her and will offer my love and support when she needs it.
The point behind this particular post is, if you want to talk or write to me about anything, I am here for you. If I can help you in any small way, then I will, because I cannot put into words just how much my friend has helped me by being there for me.
xx
It is only through allowing myself to open up and talk to someone - and at times, I can tell you that I feel horrible for offloading so much cr*p onto someone else, although I am learning to get over that feeling - it is only through actually talking and writing about everything affecting me in my life, and not holding back, that I have a) accepted a lot more about my conditions, and b) learnt some very effective tools for dealing with my emotional/mental health.
I speak to a private counsellor who comes to my home once a week. In those sessions, I usually feel a tad anxious prior to her arriving, and I always find myself thinking, what on earth am I going to talk about? But for the past six or seven weeks I've been seeing her, I have talked for the full hour. And half the time I don't know what I've talked about. For the first time in my life, I can talk without analysing my thoughts first and not worry about what the person listening to me will say. Most of the time, she doesn't offer any practical suggestions, she is more of a listener, and that's what I need right now. At some point I will need more practical help, but for now, I have 21 years of bottled emotions to work through and for that, I just need to talk and write it out! Sometimes I do dig deep down into thoughts I have kept locked up for a long time, and I think before I speak. Sometimes it is hard to bring a subject up, and I know I need to deal with it, but I don't force it, I will let myself talk about it whenever I am ready, and I have done every time so far. Everything I have known I wanted to talk about but not felt able to in a session, I've tackled it in the next session or the session after.
I've always been a bottler - locking my emotions away and ignoring them. I'm not saying I am cured from that, it's a work in progress, but I will be honest and say that I actually now find it harder to bottle things than to work through them, and I seriously feel the effects of bottling things as soon as I bottle them.
For me, my biggest release and method of working through my emotions, is to write all the cr*p out, usually to my friend. I get love and support back, sometimes a few practical suggestions. She equally knows I am here for her and will offer my love and support when she needs it.
The point behind this particular post is, if you want to talk or write to me about anything, I am here for you. If I can help you in any small way, then I will, because I cannot put into words just how much my friend has helped me by being there for me.
xx
you sound like one of the least selfish people I could meet.
I'm glad your counciller has helped you... I've been to a lot of them and no one seems to be able to help me. i'm considering accepting my limitations and leading a life that works to the advantage.
Thankyou for your kind offer, I will pm you if I ever need to talk and you can always do the same with me x
I'm glad your counciller has helped you... I've been to a lot of them and no one seems to be able to help me. i'm considering accepting my limitations and leading a life that works to the advantage.
Thankyou for your kind offer, I will pm you if I ever need to talk and you can always do the same with me
x
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
Heyy, lot of replies.
I went to the doctors this morning, I'll get to that bit in a moment, just explain like you have about my situation.
Firstly, my situation is completely different to the first time I had agraphobia. First time it started with what seemed like a stomach bug or food posioning. I was 17, I had started a new college with my then boyfriend that was 2 hours by bus to get to (I was moving to that area). Anyways, first day I was good, then I ended up violently throwing up as soon as I got off the 1st bus (45minute journey). I threw up 6 times in that city, then managed to calm down enough to get on the second bus. I ended up in the sick room for half the day, throwing up twice, sleeping most of it. I then just sat outside trying to cope until my boyfriend came back from lessons. I then went home on the bus and remember lying in bed feeling so unwell that every sound and smell made me want to vomit.
I was like this for 2-3 weeks, then i managed to eat something but everytime I did, I threw up, the more complicated the food the quicker I threw up. Anyways around 1 month in, I decided to go back to college, I threw up just before I left. I was okay but felt sick all day. I didn't go back. 2 months in they rang me to say I'd been chucked out, I threw up. I had then finally moved and was back in the college, but getting there was horrible, every morning I'd heave, then I'd throw up on the way and have this stupid little lump making me heave every morning. My boyfriend was abusive, said I was putting it on *** I didn't want to go to college. He tried to kill me at the end of the relationship so I'm pretty sure everything got worse because of him.
I finished with him, my second boyfriend was a lot easier with me, I'd stopped going to college completely, was on job seekers and was just trying to live, doctors said I has anxiety but wouldn't do anything about it (frankly thats stoke on trent doctors for you).
Eventually I managed to go outside without throwing up and managed to cope with the lump in my throat by drinking water. Eventually that went, eventually I managed to even ride buses without getting travel sick.
3 years on... my situation is, I'm in love with the most perfect person I've ever met, he's so good to me, I have 6 pigs, I've almost completed a Psychology A level (in which I don't attend classes) I've a job on a Sunday at the prison visiter centre and I've just been accepted and got my first client in The Cinnamon Trust dog walking charity starting in November. WHY OH WHY HAS THIS STARTED UP AGAIN!? I got my first EVER panic attack last Sunday, when Daniel and I went to Wolverhampton to watch Frankie Boyle, I remember working myself up about meeting this eBay couple as we'd sold the other 2 tickets that came with what my boyfriend bought. Anyways, we then had to sit next to them, they had been messed about with tickets before so didn't believe the fact I'd had a panic attack and was scared about going in, they basically forced us or else we wouldn't of gotten our money for the tickets.
I was fine in, it was packed so I know it isn't crowds (my panic attack happened in the car on the way there) I'm incredible insecure about other females when it comes to my boyfriends, fortunally my current boyfriend has never had a girlfriend before me and seems to be madly in love with me and doesn't even look at a girl when I'm like, well she has a nice arse... lol I'm weird like that
bit like Ross's wife but I'm not a lesbian.
Anyways, we then went to London on Wednesday and I had a 2 hour panic attack on the coach because I knew I couldn't escape. I was fine in London apart from feeling sick all day. Thursday I went shopping and walked the dog for a lady for the first time, no problems (altho I felt unwell most of the week after Wednesday), Friday i went to my moms in the evening, was meant to go in the day but 2 buses with the way I'm feeling wasn't going to make me any better. I was meant to go WMSP on Saturday but was feelign terrible and I thought my boyfriend could of done with some rest so we stayed in bed and sofa all day. (from Wednesday - sunday) I suffered with that constantly heart feeling, where when you have a panic attack your heart is heavy and breathing seems weird, even if it isn't that difficult, out of breath though.
Sunday I went to work, had to calm down half way through but the busier i was the better i was. Then that night we went to Pauls with Africa (his teeth grew over his tongue) and got lost and then my boyfriend was mad *** he was late for band practise, I was deep breathing thoughout the journey but I managed one M6 traffic jam (hate the M6) and all 3 hours in the car. I spent the evening with his mom at his house and felt good.
Today, I woke up with a massive lump in my throat, heaved on the way to the doctor which is my agraphobia setting in again. yesterday I had a lump in my throat but forced myself out for electric and a walk around the castle....
Basically I will not let this beat me again. My life is going well, it won't make me stop living.
The doctor gave me diazepam? I'm to take it before I do anything big, I'm in Wolverhampton tonight to see Dara O'brian? and my boyfriends band is supporting Fenix TX soemwhere in Wolverhampton Wednesday night, I've also got to sign on tomorrow
I went to the doctors this morning, I'll get to that bit in a moment, just explain like you have about my situation.
Firstly, my situation is completely different to the first time I had agraphobia. First time it started with what seemed like a stomach bug or food posioning. I was 17, I had started a new college with my then boyfriend that was 2 hours by bus to get to (I was moving to that area). Anyways, first day I was good, then I ended up violently throwing up as soon as I got off the 1st bus (45minute journey). I threw up 6 times in that city, then managed to calm down enough to get on the second bus. I ended up in the sick room for half the day, throwing up twice, sleeping most of it. I then just sat outside trying to cope until my boyfriend came back from lessons. I then went home on the bus and remember lying in bed feeling so unwell that every sound and smell made me want to vomit.
I was like this for 2-3 weeks, then i managed to eat something but everytime I did, I threw up, the more complicated the food the quicker I threw up. Anyways around 1 month in, I decided to go back to college, I threw up just before I left. I was okay but felt sick all day. I didn't go back. 2 months in they rang me to say I'd been chucked out, I threw up. I had then finally moved and was back in the college, but getting there was horrible, every morning I'd heave, then I'd throw up on the way and have this stupid little lump making me heave every morning. My boyfriend was abusive, said I was putting it on *** I didn't want to go to college. He tried to kill me at the end of the relationship so I'm pretty sure everything got worse because of him.
I finished with him, my second boyfriend was a lot easier with me, I'd stopped going to college completely, was on job seekers and was just trying to live, doctors said I has anxiety but wouldn't do anything about it (frankly thats stoke on trent doctors for you).
Eventually I managed to go outside without throwing up and managed to cope with the lump in my throat by drinking water. Eventually that went, eventually I managed to even ride buses without getting travel sick.
3 years on... my situation is, I'm in love with the most perfect person I've ever met, he's so good to me, I have 6 pigs, I've almost completed a Psychology A level (in which I don't attend classes) I've a job on a Sunday at the prison visiter centre and I've just been accepted and got my first client in The Cinnamon Trust dog walking charity starting in November. WHY OH WHY HAS THIS STARTED UP AGAIN!? I got my first EVER panic attack last Sunday, when Daniel and I went to Wolverhampton to watch Frankie Boyle, I remember working myself up about meeting this eBay couple as we'd sold the other 2 tickets that came with what my boyfriend bought. Anyways, we then had to sit next to them, they had been messed about with tickets before so didn't believe the fact I'd had a panic attack and was scared about going in, they basically forced us or else we wouldn't of gotten our money for the tickets.
I was fine in, it was packed so I know it isn't crowds (my panic attack happened in the car on the way there) I'm incredible insecure about other females when it comes to my boyfriends, fortunally my current boyfriend has never had a girlfriend before me and seems to be madly in love with me and doesn't even look at a girl when I'm like, well she has a nice arse... lol I'm weird like that
bit like Ross's wife but I'm not a lesbian.Anyways, we then went to London on Wednesday and I had a 2 hour panic attack on the coach because I knew I couldn't escape. I was fine in London apart from feeling sick all day. Thursday I went shopping and walked the dog for a lady for the first time, no problems (altho I felt unwell most of the week after Wednesday), Friday i went to my moms in the evening, was meant to go in the day but 2 buses with the way I'm feeling wasn't going to make me any better. I was meant to go WMSP on Saturday but was feelign terrible and I thought my boyfriend could of done with some rest so we stayed in bed and sofa all day. (from Wednesday - sunday) I suffered with that constantly heart feeling, where when you have a panic attack your heart is heavy and breathing seems weird, even if it isn't that difficult, out of breath though.
Sunday I went to work, had to calm down half way through but the busier i was the better i was. Then that night we went to Pauls with Africa (his teeth grew over his tongue) and got lost and then my boyfriend was mad *** he was late for band practise, I was deep breathing thoughout the journey but I managed one M6 traffic jam (hate the M6) and all 3 hours in the car. I spent the evening with his mom at his house and felt good.
Today, I woke up with a massive lump in my throat, heaved on the way to the doctor which is my agraphobia setting in again. yesterday I had a lump in my throat but forced myself out for electric and a walk around the castle....
Basically I will not let this beat me again. My life is going well, it won't make me stop living.
The doctor gave me diazepam? I'm to take it before I do anything big, I'm in Wolverhampton tonight to see Dara O'brian? and my boyfriends band is supporting Fenix TX soemwhere in Wolverhampton Wednesday night, I've also got to sign on tomorrow
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
fear of vomitting. You have the same kind as me xx
Diazepam is a sedative, I think. Good on you, don't let it beat you x
x
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
Aye, she told me not to be alone if I have it. I seriously only need it for Wolverhampton or LONG car journeys, espcially when it's to do with the M6 or traffic jams. I'm very vunrable right now and I feel everything is taking advantage, like I'm afraid of things I never used to be, lorries going past me on the road make me uneasy...Diazepam is a sedative, I think. Good on you, don't let it beat you
As I keep saying, if I do something I 'don't want to do' throw up in public, then I'm going to do it whether I panic or not. If I keep drilling this into myself, maybe I won't get too far down the road where its even harder to turn back. If you understand? xx
I'm glad to find someone on here who suffers with the same thing, same feelings, same reactions. Altho I'm more new to it then you (laura), as I had it for a year 3 years ago and well seems I have it now again. It's good to know someone who knows how I feel... Doctor told me to go back in 2 weeks about counselling. I'm actually half qualifired as a counsellor which makes counselling a little less productive for me because I know the ins and outs, I kinda just want therapy.
Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
I'm not surprised you are struggling again Beautifulmess. Please forgive me if you feel I am speaking out of turn or stepping in too far...but for me, reading your post, I can see why it's coming back again. Same reason as for me. I didn't deal with the underlying and more widespread emotional issue. From what you've said, there are issues you've not really worked through. It is not for me to say what you need to do, or what the issues are, only you know and only you can come round to that thought in your own time, I don't expect you to agree with me that there is more to this than meets the eye. But from reading your post, that is the impression I got, and I apologise if you feel I'm wrong on that.
For me, I could not handle my emotions, I did not work through issues I had with certain parts of my life, and that is what I have spent the last two months doing, and I am continuing to do so. Remember when I posted saying I needed a break? Well, this is why, I was focusing on helping everyone else and ignoring me. Ignoring the knowledge that deep down, I had a lot to deal with. I wanted to ignore it but it did drag me down and, when the time was right for me, I accepted that I had to do something.
All therapies and counselling and CBT I have had, prior to the last few months, were focused on the phobia. Nothing else, the focus was to deal with the phobia. And it didn't work, because I have never known how to handle emotions, so to be thrown in at the deep end and expected to cope with the absolutely overwhelming feelings I get when I feel anxious, phobic and panicked...well, I was doomed for failure really as far as I was concerned. If I couldn't handle tears and upset, or even happiness, without finding some excuse to bottle it, how could I deal with the terror and panic, especially terror and panic as strong as what I feel.
Huge well done for getting to the doctors, don't underestimate how well you did. I really need to go to my doctor for my physical health problems, but I know I have to be referred to a rheumatologist at hospital and go through tests and MRIs again. Given I cannot even get to the lovely small doctors surgery, all hope of getting to a hospital is kind of non existant right now!
Re the medication. I was given diazepam at my worst. I honestly don't know how much it helped me. My memories of my worst days seven years ago are not overly clear...I remember some moments as if they happened yesterday, the ones I have spoken about I remember well, but I spent most of the first six months or so merely "existing".
I had to take diazepam whenever I felt panicked, or as I was "recovering" from the agoraphobia I too had to take it before I went out, with the option to take another 2mg tablet if panic did set in. I remember using them regularly, I also remember I carried them around for around three years after I had "recovered" (i.e. was able to go out with minimal/tolerable anxiety), eve though I no longer used them it was a huge step to get rid of them, because they were my safety net.
I actually have some diazepam here now, my doctor prescribed it for me six months ago. Why won't I take it to see if it helps...a part of it is fear of taking medications. I never had any problems with diazepam so that is no real excuse with regards to this, although it is a major issue if I have to take any other medication. But it just does not feel right for me to resort to it, and if I don't feel ready, I won't force myself to do it.
Hard for others to understand, especially my poor mother who just wants me to get out the house and not suffer with this, but this is what I mean about doing what is right for me.
For me, I could not handle my emotions, I did not work through issues I had with certain parts of my life, and that is what I have spent the last two months doing, and I am continuing to do so. Remember when I posted saying I needed a break? Well, this is why, I was focusing on helping everyone else and ignoring me. Ignoring the knowledge that deep down, I had a lot to deal with. I wanted to ignore it but it did drag me down and, when the time was right for me, I accepted that I had to do something.
All therapies and counselling and CBT I have had, prior to the last few months, were focused on the phobia. Nothing else, the focus was to deal with the phobia. And it didn't work, because I have never known how to handle emotions, so to be thrown in at the deep end and expected to cope with the absolutely overwhelming feelings I get when I feel anxious, phobic and panicked...well, I was doomed for failure really as far as I was concerned. If I couldn't handle tears and upset, or even happiness, without finding some excuse to bottle it, how could I deal with the terror and panic, especially terror and panic as strong as what I feel.
Huge well done for getting to the doctors, don't underestimate how well you did. I really need to go to my doctor for my physical health problems, but I know I have to be referred to a rheumatologist at hospital and go through tests and MRIs again. Given I cannot even get to the lovely small doctors surgery, all hope of getting to a hospital is kind of non existant right now!
Re the medication. I was given diazepam at my worst. I honestly don't know how much it helped me. My memories of my worst days seven years ago are not overly clear...I remember some moments as if they happened yesterday, the ones I have spoken about I remember well, but I spent most of the first six months or so merely "existing".
I had to take diazepam whenever I felt panicked, or as I was "recovering" from the agoraphobia I too had to take it before I went out, with the option to take another 2mg tablet if panic did set in. I remember using them regularly, I also remember I carried them around for around three years after I had "recovered" (i.e. was able to go out with minimal/tolerable anxiety), eve though I no longer used them it was a huge step to get rid of them, because they were my safety net.
I actually have some diazepam here now, my doctor prescribed it for me six months ago. Why won't I take it to see if it helps...a part of it is fear of taking medications. I never had any problems with diazepam so that is no real excuse with regards to this, although it is a major issue if I have to take any other medication. But it just does not feel right for me to resort to it, and if I don't feel ready, I won't force myself to do it.
Hard for others to understand, especially my poor mother who just wants me to get out the house and not suffer with this, but this is what I mean about doing what is right for me.
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
Do you mean the part of my ex boyfriend, violence and such. I'm actually pretty much in agreement, at first for a long time I thought I'd dealt with it along with a childhood experience I've had, I grew up in foster care also. Anyhow, I don't cope with stress well, rejection, other girls, I hate mobile phones all because of my first boyfriend.
I have asked the doctor twice for therapy, she keeps referring me to counselling which deals with the here and now and not the past so as much as I explain to her this and how I know this she keeps referring me to this one counselling which calls it's self psychology therapy but if it doesn't deal with my past then my present hasnt much luck! Lol
vabh57
Junior Guinea Pig
I first had agoraphobia about 25 years ago. If I hadn't of had young children I believe I to would have been completely housebound. But I did have to take my kids to Nursery and later school, and I used to dread it.
Since then I have tried relaxation sessions - which don't help much when they run late and leave you in the waiting room - and CBT where I really didn't like the attitude of the lady doing it, which was very much "pull yourself together". I hope things are better these days.
I've been through times when I've had a part time dinner lady job but also when it hit again and I felt I was starting at the beginning again.
Like Laura I believe hiding emotions is behind a lot of things ( I feel like crying just writing this).
Since we moved to where I live now I have had to drive and I can do it in emergencies (so many piggy and hamster trips to the vet recently) yet I have spent most of today trying to make myself go to the nearest town - about 3 miles - but haven't succeeded.
The awful thing is that I am dreading going to my daughter's wedding later this year. I love helping her with stuff and I did go with her to choose the dress but a meal with 90 odd people scares me silly and I still don't know how I will do it. But for my daughter I have to try.
All I can say is if you're offered any help try to go wih you because I feel that so much of my life has been wasted.
Since then I have tried relaxation sessions - which don't help much when they run late and leave you in the waiting room - and CBT where I really didn't like the attitude of the lady doing it, which was very much "pull yourself together". I hope things are better these days.
I've been through times when I've had a part time dinner lady job but also when it hit again and I felt I was starting at the beginning again.
Like Laura I believe hiding emotions is behind a lot of things ( I feel like crying just writing this).
Since we moved to where I live now I have had to drive and I can do it in emergencies (so many piggy and hamster trips to the vet recently) yet I have spent most of today trying to make myself go to the nearest town - about 3 miles - but haven't succeeded.
The awful thing is that I am dreading going to my daughter's wedding later this year. I love helping her with stuff and I did go with her to choose the dress but a meal with 90 odd people scares me silly and I still don't know how I will do it. But for my daughter I have to try.
All I can say is if you're offered any help try to go wih you because I feel that so much of my life has been wasted.
Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
I think it's great you acknowledge that you may have things you have perhaps not dealt with. When you feel up to it, you will know and you will be able to work through it.
If your doctor is not referring you for what you feel is the right kind of therapy, don't be afraid to speak up. Say to the doctor what you believe might help you, what you feel does not help you. If your current doctor won't listen, seek a second opinion, or speak to the counsellors she refers you to.
If your doctor is not referring you for what you feel is the right kind of therapy, don't be afraid to speak up. Say to the doctor what you believe might help you, what you feel does not help you. If your current doctor won't listen, seek a second opinion, or speak to the counsellors she refers you to.
Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
I know it's easier said than done, but if you feel like crying, then do so. Crying is something I have always hidden. I still struggle notably if I feel emotional in front of other people, in fact, unless I'm utterly heartbroken I will hold back until I can run off somewhere to cry. But I can tell you, since talking and writing things out, I have cried more than I ever have done, and the tears have not exhausted me, but I feel lighter and refreshed for them. You will let things out and work through things when it is right for you to.
It's never too late to change how you feel about things, I am sorry you have had so long dealing with this and had some not so great experiences.
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
Yes, I've said both times why I dislike counselling and want actually therapy, she's a new doctor, my family doctor retired and the way the NHS is in my town, you can't see another doctor even if your doctors off. :S I can't see my doctor for another week because shes off next week. i'm going to try the counselling and then push for therapy or yes mention that I also want therapy for past events as well as counselling for the here and now.
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
This might not be similar as you're talking about holding your emotions in right? I suffer with something I've personally named as over heightened emotions, all my emotions are too extreme, from loving my boyfriend to grief to excitement and happiness, to sadness. I'm always at the extreme end of every one. Most like excitement and shock, I throw up >.<!
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
Well last night was productive ¬_¬
I was meant to go to Wolverhampton for a comedy show with Daniel. I took my sedative around 1/2 an hour before he got to mine. Well I'm quite sure it made me feel sick and it took almost 2 hours for any sort of anxiety to disappear, we went to collect some items from freecycle, went to tesco (outside I gagged). Then as we were driving home, I burst into tears and cried and cried and cried, for what seemed like hours. My make-up stung my eyes and by the time we got home I was so exhausted that he told me we werent going, we'd get the burgers we bought, make tea, get some chips and sit in bed and watch the time travellers wife. £25 he lost on those tickets, he didn't seem to care, i felt so bad. He kept telling me that I was always going to be his main priority and we'll get past this and won't let it get a hold on me.
I told him not to push me but not to be so easy on me and he said he wasn't being so, he didn't expect me not to go until the tears.
Today I've got to be up at 7:30am (it's 8:11am) I was going to catch the bus to the job centre but our buses are unreliable and I don't know if I want to face it this early in the morning. I've decided to get a taxi to town (it's outside town). Should be around £4 something. I'm going to bus it back, i woke up with no lump in my throat but I've got a headache developing and a sore throat and one blocked nostrel. I don't feel at all nervous, but then again I don't know anything about these tablets other than they shouldn't be taken if you have depression or having anti histimeans, both the doctor knows I have ¬_¬ lol
Could someone who's taken them regular tell me what THEY experienced, time it took for them to work, ware off, effects, so on...
I was meant to go to Wolverhampton for a comedy show with Daniel. I took my sedative around 1/2 an hour before he got to mine. Well I'm quite sure it made me feel sick and it took almost 2 hours for any sort of anxiety to disappear, we went to collect some items from freecycle, went to tesco (outside I gagged). Then as we were driving home, I burst into tears and cried and cried and cried, for what seemed like hours. My make-up stung my eyes and by the time we got home I was so exhausted that he told me we werent going, we'd get the burgers we bought, make tea, get some chips and sit in bed and watch the time travellers wife. £25 he lost on those tickets, he didn't seem to care, i felt so bad. He kept telling me that I was always going to be his main priority and we'll get past this and won't let it get a hold on me.
I told him not to push me but not to be so easy on me and he said he wasn't being so, he didn't expect me not to go until the tears.
Today I've got to be up at 7:30am (it's 8:11am) I was going to catch the bus to the job centre but our buses are unreliable and I don't know if I want to face it this early in the morning. I've decided to get a taxi to town (it's outside town). Should be around £4 something. I'm going to bus it back, i woke up with no lump in my throat but I've got a headache developing and a sore throat and one blocked nostrel. I don't feel at all nervous, but then again I don't know anything about these tablets other than they shouldn't be taken if you have depression or having anti histimeans, both the doctor knows I have ¬_¬ lol
Could someone who's taken them regular tell me what THEY experienced, time it took for them to work, ware off, effects, so on...
Carma Violet
Teenage Guinea Pig
Do you have Agoraphobia like me then? I don't have a fear of open spaces, but a fear of crowds, which is classed as the same phobia apparently.
I don't know about meds as I refuse to take any for my phobia.
All I can say is keep facing it, because if you don't it will get worse.
Yours is a severe case but you are not alone. Possitive thinking being sent your way!
-Carma
I don't know about meds as I refuse to take any for my phobia.
All I can say is keep facing it, because if you don't it will get worse.
Yours is a severe case but you are not alone
. Possitive thinking being sent your way!-Carma
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Laura-CCC4
Senior Guinea Pig
Even though you didn't go, I do see plenty of positive things, and from what I can see Dan is there for you in the best way he can be.
I'm afraid I just can't remember my experience of taking the diazepam, I know I took them but I don't remember specifics.
I'm afraid I just can't remember my experience of taking the diazepam, I know I took them but I don't remember specifics.
Beautifulmess
Adult Guinea Pig
Thats okay, I've been to the chemist, asked how long one 2mg tablet would last and they think over 24 hours, so why does the doctor say you can/should take 3 a day?! Doesn't make sense to me, anyhow...
I took one last night at 6:30pm, this morning I caught a taxi to curries (it's about 5 minutes away from the job centre) unless I walk slow then it can be 10 minutes. I got there with 9 minutes till opening, so I stood with some people playing on my phone to keep my mind from working overboard.
Opened, walked in, waited for women, explained my situation, she checked my job searches and gave me information on how to claim a different benefit for a while so I could have one stress out my life. I need to see the doctor again before it though. I rang the doctor when I got back but she's off! The receptionist wouldn't help me...
I just wanted to know if walking back from the job centre (took 1/2 hour) was all me or the stupid drug in my system. I didn't freak out, I went post depo for a parcel and I walked going on 2 miles home, I got no lump in my throat until I stepped onto my street but it was gone by the time I got into my flats lower floor.
*breaths deep* I've my boyfriends gig tonight, maybe I can do it... maybe.
Carma Violet, my fear is throwing up in public, I don't like traffic jams either, it seems to be either a cause of embrassement (throwing up) or being trapped (car, traffic jam, coach with no easy way of getting off and back on).
I took one last night at 6:30pm, this morning I caught a taxi to curries (it's about 5 minutes away from the job centre) unless I walk slow then it can be 10 minutes. I got there with 9 minutes till opening, so I stood with some people playing on my phone to keep my mind from working overboard.
Opened, walked in, waited for women, explained my situation, she checked my job searches and gave me information on how to claim a different benefit for a while so I could have one stress out my life. I need to see the doctor again before it though. I rang the doctor when I got back but she's off! The receptionist wouldn't help me...
I just wanted to know if walking back from the job centre (took 1/2 hour) was all me or the stupid drug in my system. I didn't freak out, I went post depo for a parcel and I walked going on 2 miles home, I got no lump in my throat until I stepped onto my street but it was gone by the time I got into my flats lower floor.
*breaths deep* I've my boyfriends gig tonight, maybe I can do it... maybe.
Carma Violet, my fear is throwing up in public, I don't like traffic jams either, it seems to be either a cause of embrassement (throwing up) or being trapped (car, traffic jam, coach with no easy way of getting off and back on).
lily 74
Adult Guinea Pig
Yes my mum had this for a while, she had bad panic attacks followed by a fear of going out. She could only go out if my dad was with her
It is a horrible illness as it takes over your life, luckily when I had mild panic attacks I didn't get agrophobia
It is a horrible illness as it takes over your life, luckily when I had mild panic attacks I didn't get agrophobia
lily 74
Adult Guinea Pig
I have also read through the other posts, sounds also like social phobia as well.
I think I may suffer slightly from this, because I find it difficult in crowds and I do get episodes of depression which feel down.
I work from home now since leaving my job because of stress etc and I have found taking on guinea pigs a good therapy. I like to sit in thier room and watch them and fil my days looking after them, running my online business etc.
I chose to run a business from home as I never seem happy in a job working for others it means interacting with others and taking orders
I think alot of people are ignorant of how badly a illness of this type can effect your whole life.
And you all seem so young as well which is worse for you.
Wish I lived nearer as I would be happy to meet up or a coffee and a chat
I think I may suffer slightly from this, because I find it difficult in crowds and I do get episodes of depression which feel down.
I work from home now since leaving my job because of stress etc and I have found taking on guinea pigs a good therapy. I like to sit in thier room and watch them and fil my days looking after them, running my online business etc.
I chose to run a business from home as I never seem happy in a job working for others it means interacting with others and taking orders
I think alot of people are ignorant of how badly a illness of this type can effect your whole life.
And you all seem so young as well which is worse for you.
Wish I lived nearer as I would be happy to meet up or a coffee and a chat
Shellza
Adult Guinea Pig
My sister is having problems at the moment where she doesn't want to be IN the house. It all escalated from the football World Cup this year. As we live in Spain it was terrible. We have horses and dogs that all get freaked out by fireworks and the Spanish can be very insensitive (especially our neighbours grrrr), when it comes to the feelings of animals (according to many...animals don't have feelings). From then on she's having panic attacks regularly and hates being in the house (unfortunately she lives in the family house on her own at the moment, which really hasn't helped). She's now having to take medication (not sure what) so that she can actually sit in the living room and watch tv. It must be a horrible feeling and I wish I could be out there to help her with it and support her. Hopefully my parents will be going back there soon so she'll be able to recover. We are planning on moving house soon too which will really help her.
Sorry to babble, just wanted to let that out.
Sorry to babble, just wanted to let that out.
- Status