WICKED PIGS ON TRIAL

[Cheekypigs]

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, standing before you is the defendant, Fuzzable Frederick Robert [surname redacted]. He is accused of wanton destruction of common property, public endangerment and flagrant disregard for the law.


The evidence I present to you is as follows: Exhibit 1, the elegant suspended fuzzy tunnel provided for the enjoyment of all.

Seen here in its intact state, the tunnel can be seen to be suspended by six (6) straps.
However, when returning to the house this evening, the tunnel was found to have only five (5) straps.

Lying on the floor beneath the defaced and desecrated fuzzy tunnel was the mortal remains of one (1) strap, gnawed through and tossed aside.

I call as witness for the prosecution, Popchop Percival George [surname redacted], the defendant's half-brother, son and flatmate:

"He done it, your honour, I swear it, he bited it clean through. It were nothing to do with me, I weren't even there."

The prosecution rests.

 

[Roselina]

He needs to contact Miss Bramble for some legal advice

 

[Truffolo]

The defense would like to know the sentencing options Could the defendant employ his slave in mitigation to attach a new strap by sewing it into place? Could the price of a new or suitable second hand tunnel be recovered from the treats budget (allowing for a time of adjustment of one pea flake a month? Or two or more bars of the slave's chocolate a week or other comparable treat? )

 

[weepweeps]

What does the Defendant say in his defence?

 

[Truffolo]

You can't put me in jail because my innocent brother would have to join me in the clink

 

[Cheekypigs]

The innocent brother is fine with that, he's just happy to be described as innocent for the first time in his rascally life

 

[Betsy]

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, standing before you is the defendant, Fuzzable Frederick Robert [surname redacted]. He is accused of wanton destruction of common property, public endangerment and flagrant disregard for the law.

View attachment 259593
The evidence I present to you is as follows: Exhibit 1, the elegant suspended fuzzy tunnel provided for the enjoyment of all.
View attachment 259594
Seen here in its intact state, the tunnel can be seen to be suspended by six (6) straps.
However, when returning to the house this evening, the tunnel was found to have only five (5) straps.
View attachment 259595
Lying on the floor beneath the defaced and desecrated fuzzy tunnel was the mortal remains of one (1) strap, gnawed through and tossed aside.

I call as witness for the prosecution, Popchop Percival George [surname redacted], the defendant's half-brother, son and flatmate:
View attachment 259596
"He done it, your honour, I swear it, he bited it clean through. It were nothing to do with me, I weren't even there."

The prosecution rests.

He needs to contact Miss Bramble for some legal advice

Fuzzable Frederick Robert

I am here! Do not fret! Miss Bramble, your friendly Shop Steward and Union Rep of The Guinea Pig Union will represent you.

It's outrageous that your Slave has accused you of "wanton destruction of common property, public endangerment and flagrant disregard for the law." And as for brother, Popchop Percival George trying to blame you so you get into trouble: well he should be ashamed of himself! Of course he was there; he lives with you so he knew what you were allegedly up to.

Your Slave must have proof that you chewed through the strap of Exhibit 1 otherwise it's all circumstantial and you are therefore innocent.

I rest my case.

 

[weepweeps]

Here here. I agree with Miss Bramble @Betsy (for once).

 

[Cheekypigs]

I have character evidence. The defendant has been seen by multiple witnesses nibbling on the straps. Furthermore, when the fuzzy tunnel was new, he chewed off the braiding on the edges, necessitating extensive repairs with green fleece. The prosecution contends that this is merely the latest act in a pattern of behaviour indicating a hostile attitude towards the fuzzy tunnel and a carelessness towards its safety and stability.

 

[Truffolo]

The little brothers guinea pig would like to put in a wheek on behalf of their poor slave, for a relaxation of the use of the slave's personal treat budget as remedy. They are concerned that the slave they share might not have enough energy to keep up with all the sewing. The use of booze (if the slave indulges in booze ) might have to be postponed until use of the sewing machine is finished, if such a time ever arrives. That is to prevent injury to those useful fingers which open food packets and chop veggies for the poor little brothers guinea pig

 

[Betsy]

I have character evidence. The defendant has been seen by multiple witnesses nibbling on the straps. Furthermore, when the fuzzy tunnel was new, he chewed off the braiding on the edges, necessitating extensive repairs with green fleece. The prosecution contends that this is merely the latest act in a pattern of behaviour indicating a hostile attitude towards the fuzzy tunnel and a carelessness towards its safety and stability.

You may have character evidence of previous alleged misdemeanours but can you prove beyond all shadow of a doubt that my Client did it this time? My Client may have had a change of heart and decided that allegedly chewing on Exhibit A was not the thing to do as it would, indeed, render it unsafe causing the occupant possible injury. If he did, as you claim, chew off the braiding on the edges of Exhibit A, it would only have been to enhance it's appearance.

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward

 

[Roselina]

I’m loving this …….chuckling all the time

 

[Cheekypigs]

You may have character evidence of previous alleged misdemeanours but can you prove beyond all shadow of a doubt that my Client did it this time? My Client may have had a change of heart and decided that allegedly chewing on Exhibit A was not the thing to do as it would, indeed, render it unsafe causing the occupant possible injury. If he did, as you claim, chew off the braiding on the edges of Exhibit A, it would only have been to enhance it's appearance.

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward

I would remind counsel that the standard is not beyond any shadow of a doubt, but beyond all *reasonable* doubt. I would ask the jury to question, given the defendant's reaction when presented with the evidence, whether there is any reasonable doubt that he is guilty?

 

[Cheekypigs]

The little brothers guinea pig would like to put in a wheek on behalf of their poor slave, for a relaxation of the use of the slave's personal treat budget as remedy. They are concerned that the slave they share might not have enough energy to keep up with all the sewing. The use of booze (if the slave indulges in booze ) might have to be postponed until use of the sewing machine is finished, if such a time ever arrives. That is to prevent injury to those useful fingers which open food packets and chop veggies for the poor little brothers guinea pig

Agreed, we would beg the court to remember that the defendant's household servant is not on trial here.

 

[Merab]

Love this

 

[fluffysal]

 

[Truffolo]

Agreed, we would beg the court to remember that the defendant's household servant is not on trial here.

S(he) is indeed a permanent member of staff aka a "guinea pig slave for life"

 

[Betsy]

I would remind counsel that the standard is not beyond any shadow of a doubt, but beyond all *reasonable* doubt. I would ask the jury to question, given the defendant's reaction when presented with the evidence, whether there is any reasonable doubt that he is guilty?

Guinea pig trials are different to human trials. In the Guinea Pig world it is "beyond any shadow of a doubt". There still needs to be cast iron proof that my Client is guilty. If you have none then he is innocent. When presented with the evidence my Client didn't even look at Exhibit A and from the photo his brother is in the tunnel so that is photographic proof that the structural integrity of the tunnel was not faulty after my Client had allegedly damaged it.

 

[Cheekypigs]

The Jury will decide. Have they been selected?

 

[weepweeps]

Pebble has stated he’s up for jury service.

 

[Roselina]

Geoff is happy to be a juror and is available

 

[Betsy]

The One and Only Thea and Misty Morning are up for Jury Service.

 

[Betsy]

Before the Jury decides, my Client should have a chance to wheak in his defence. Nopig has heard from Fuzzable Frederick Robert himself yet. I'm sure he has something to say on the matter.

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward

 

[Merab]

Miriam and Moses are feeling braver now and would be happy to sit on the jury.

They are sure Fuzzable Frederick Robert ( surname redacted ) is innocent because they know piggies are always innocent and Hooman are not

 

[Truffolo]

Truffle asked Polo to do jury service. Polo pointed out that Miss Bramble has requested it, so Truffle has asked his slave to tidy his fur and trim his nails

 

[Truffolo]

Miriam and Moses are feeling braver now and would be happy to sit on the jury.

They are sure Fuzzable Frederick Robert ( surname redacted ) is innocent because they know piggies are always innocent and Hooman are not

Exactly, guinea pigs rock

 

[weepweeps]

Miriam and Moses are feeling braver now and would be happy to sit on the jury.

They are sure Fuzzable Frederick Robert ( surname redacted ) is innocent because they know piggies are always innocent and Hooman are not

They may have shown their hand too soon.

 

[Gem789]

I’m loving this …….chuckling all the time

They're good aren't they?,its like watching an episode of law and order or something like that lol.

 

[fluffysal]

Both of The Beastie Boys are happy to be jurors however, Sir George considers Master Boris would be unreliable......
Also....
Is it ethical for Miss Brambles relatives to be on the jury?....

 

[Posyrose]

Bertie and Ziggy are happy to be jurors. They say they will take the role very seriously