Slave training for idiots

ThatPurpleB said:
The human who lives with our mother gives us "afternoon snacks" which mother shouts at him for! But he once gave us a WHOLE carrot, and this other time a WHOLE cucumber. Mother eventually took it off us saying something about sugar and wet poops. She's obsessed with our poops. We like the other human, they try to feed us properly. We dont tell mother what we eat when she's away and neither does this other human either!
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Best keep that between yourselves. Hope she goes away a lot 😃
 
VickiA said:
We can definitely add poop bags onto the list.
Our slave goes literally mental when she pours our precious hay trays into the poop bag and the hay, poop and shavings fall onto the floor through our carefully crafted holes. She regularly mutters something about more holes than a doiley as she picks up the debris from the floor. That will teach her to throw away hay just when we’ve softened it to perfection with our pee.
But best of all, to clean it up she has to use the dustpan. And we can’t resist the rubber strip on the dustpan. Oh boy. It is well worth coming out of hiding under the tables to get a nibble on that rubber strip.
And then we usually manage to give her a nip to keep her in her place. That will serve her right for calling me “Shark face”. No idea why she calls me that. Unless sharks have very beautiful teeth like mine.
love Evie (and Iris and Boris, too).
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Keep nibbling the poop bag. We love a bit of black plastic ourselves. Pee soaked hay is the bestest. WHY do they keep throwing away the best bits. 🤦🏻‍♀️ We’ve never nipped. But just yesterday our slave said Pepper looked like a shark and I looked more piggy. Whatever, I think we are both gorgeous boys (she tells us this often. With lots of kisses). She does have some redeeming factors.

Pee soaked hay added to the list of things we WANT.
 
Great thread, we're getting lots of good ideas here!

We want to make sure that playpen or lawn time happens EVERY DAY with no feeble excuses allowed. We had our grass and exercise and a little break from the hutch so regularly all through that "lockdown" thing slaves always talk about, but recently the slaves are getting a bit flakey.

Today nobody put us out at all because they were doing some sort of Fun Day. It doesn't seem like the "fun" applies to piggies, so quite a misnomer if you ask us. The only slaves in the house were small boy ones who wanted to play with Lego or make mess and an overworked grandma slave. Our special girl slave and the usually reliable mother slave were nowhere to be seen and we NEEDED them! We don't know what "putting up marquees", "running the coconut shy" or "selling second hand uniform" might involve, but all these activities apparently took place on a vast heavenly grass field and NOBODY thought to ask if we wanted to join in!
 
Sparklepetal said:
Great thread, we're getting lots of good ideas here!

We want to make sure that playpen or lawn time happens EVERY DAY with no feeble excuses allowed. We had our grass and exercise and a little break from the hutch so regularly all through that "lockdown" thing slaves always talk about, but recently the slaves are getting a bit flakey.

Today nobody put us out at all because they were doing some sort of Fun Day. It doesn't seem like the "fun" applies to piggies, so quite a misnomer if you ask us. The only slaves in the house were small boy ones who wanted to play with Lego or make mess and an overworked grandma slave. Our special girl slave and the usually reliable mother slave were nowhere to be seen and we NEEDED them! We don't know what "putting up marquees", "running the coconut shy" or "selling second hand uniform" might involve, but all these activities apparently took place on a vast heavenly grass field and NOBODY thought to ask if we wanted to join in!
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You poor things. You could of definitely helped out with the field

Daily run/grass time added to the list of things we WANT
 
VickiA said:
We can definitely add poop bags onto the list.
Our slave goes literally mental when she pours our precious hay trays into the poop bag and the hay, poop and shavings fall onto the floor through our carefully crafted holes. She regularly mutters something about more holes than a doiley as she picks up the debris from the floor. That will teach her to throw away hay just when we’ve softened it to perfection with our pee.
But best of all, to clean it up she has to use the dustpan. And we can’t resist the rubber strip on the dustpan. Oh boy. It is well worth coming out of hiding under the tables to get a nibble on that rubber strip.
And then we usually manage to give her a nip to keep her in her place. That will serve her right for calling me “Shark face”. No idea why she calls me that. Unless sharks have very beautiful teeth like mine.
love Evie (and Iris and Boris, too).
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YES poop bags. Our human is obsessed with purple so she has purple thin bin bags. Luna likes to have a nibble on an evening when our poops and wet hay are removed. Nova is too busy trying to eat the hay before it is removed and plastic isnt her thing.

Nova doesnt chew much, mainly food stuff, even if it is on a human's plate. There's always the vegan "chicken" wrap incident where Nova kept biting a hole in the middle of mothers wrap and trying to run off with bits of food. The mushy peas were good a few weeks later too, like pea flakes but warm and soft.

Nova mainly instead enjoys moving stuff around. Doesnt matter what it is, everything needs moving, it keeps Nova strong to be able to wrestle more food from the humans. Mother complains when that involves kicking over her drinks. So yes, more piggie size things for us to move about.
 
Well we know there are Carrot Cottages and Hay Cubes on top of our hutch as we can smell them. Do we get them? Er .... No! We may have lots of other things to chew on and eat but we want Carrot Cottages and Hay Cubes! We may have a Carrot Cottage while out in the run when we are outside but why not inside in our hutch home too? Oh and there's hay cookies in the bottom of the hutch. We are poor deprived starving piggies deprived of Carrot Cottage, Hay Cubes and Hay Cookies. And our pea flakes are late tonight.... The Ever Beautiful Betsy is working on a letter to the GPU. @weepweeps, if you could put a list together of the things the forum piggies want and need, she will write them a letter in the next few days. Don't forget the pawprints and poops so the letter can be actioned!
 
Guys I know we've got a good list of things that we want but we would like to also put falward a list of things we DON'T want! Nail clipping and disturbing our nap so she can steal our poops are definitely things that need to stop! No good piggie slave would ever put anything as vicious and scary as nail clippers anywhere near their piggies precious tootsies. And as we know naps are more important than anything else and any good piggie slave would respect this.
 
Betsy said:
Well we know there are Carrot Cottages and Hay Cubes on top of our hutch as we can smell them. Do we get them? Er .... No! We may have lots of other things to chew on and eat but we want Carrot Cottages and Hay Cubes! We may have a Carrot Cottage while out in the run when we are outside but why not inside in our hutch home too? Oh and there's hay cookies in the bottom of the hutch. We are poor deprived starving piggies deprived of Carrot Cottage, Hay Cubes and Hay Cookies. And our pea flakes are late tonight.... The Ever Beautiful Betsy is working on a letter to the GPU. @weepweeps, if you could put a list together of the things the forum piggies want and need, she will write them a letter in the next few days. Don't forget the pawprints and poops so the letter can be actioned!
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CARROT COTTAGE! We've had our first recently. How dare they deprive us for this long!

As skinny pigs the cottages are rough so scuff our skin so mother moisturises us.

That can also be added to the list of things we dont want - moisturising skin. Dont touch my middle section! And baths. Luna was bathed once. Terrifying stuff!
 
Tears come to my eyes when I read about so much neglect. I knew there was a problem, but I didn't know it was this huge!
The apple situation is obviously only the tip of the iceberg.

I would like to add books to the list. I think they were mentioned above. But books are very special to us. Our slave is relatively okay with our nibbling on magazines, newspapers and sheets of paper, but she really pushes us away when we what to take a bite out of a book!
Can you imagine that?!

We also think that every guinea pig needs constant access to hay cutest.
Lot's of piggy kisses from Billie
& Tessy & Bonny & Vicky & Odi
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
 
Piggies&buns said:
If we’re starting a list of things we don’t want, then can you write that we don’t want her to talk to us in that stupid baby voice. ‘Hello piggy wiggies’. Ugh…. She thinks she’s cute but it’s so annoying and ruins our manly image
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I second a list of No gos.
Like being called piggy all the time.
The slaves seem to think that sounds cute. But we are GUINEA PiGS! Heavenly creatures!
And not some kind of pig.
(Of course pigs are heavenly creatures as well, but a different kind of heavenly creatures.)
 
Piggies&buns said:
If we’re starting a list of things we don’t want, then can you write that we don’t want her to talk to us in that stupid baby voice. ‘Hello piggy wiggies’. Ugh…. She thinks she’s cute but it’s so annoying and ruins our manly image
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We second this too, we have the exact same problem. To many silly voices.
We are individuals not piggies to be grouped together. How would they like it if everytime someone walked in and said “Hi humans!”?

Struggling with technology, don't know how to even begin to attach poops, left a few on the sofa to be found later instead, breakfast is late!
H&H
 
weepweeps said:
PS. the Ever Beautiful Betsy is top of our list to fight our corner. But if you need some teeth to back you up then we believe Ruby is your gal.
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The Ever Beautiful Betsy has sent this letter off the the GPU this morning (after thinking about it all night).

Dear GPU

It has become apparent to the Guinea Pigs of the Guinea Pig Forum that our Slaves are severely restricting our essential food (they call it treats and say that it's bad for us - how can it be bad when it tastes so good?) such as lino, certain fruit, veg, Carrot Cottages, Hay Cubes, Hay Cookies ...... The list goes on. They are clearly starving us. Also they are clearly overcompensating for this as they then talk to us in silly voices hoping that we won't notice the lack of essential food. I have also been told that that sometimes breakfast and supper is late too! Do our Slaves not know that our needs should always come first? We are, after all, the most important creatures in the house/garage/garden.

As Shop Steward I am making you aware of this serious oversight. I am hoping that you take our complaint very seriously and action it forthwith.

Yours wheak with starvation

The Ever Beautiful Betsy

PS here is the usual payment of pawprints and poops

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩
 
Betsy said:
The Ever Beautiful Betsy has sent this letter off the the GPU this morning (after thinking about it all night).

Dear GPU

It has become apparent to the Guinea Pigs of the Guinea Pig Forum that our Slaves are severely restricting our essential food (they call it treats and say that it's bad for us - how can it be bad when it tastes so good?) such as lino, certain fruit, veg, Carrot Cottages, Hay Cubes, Hay Cookies ...... The list goes on. They are clearly starving us. Also they are clearly overcompensating for this as they then talk to us in silly voices hoping that we won't notice the lack of essential food. I have also been told that that sometimes breakfast and supper is late too! Do our Slaves not know that our needs should always come first? We are, after all, the most important creatures in the house/garage/garden.

As Shop Steward I am making you aware of this serious oversight. I am hoping that you take our complaint very seriously and action it forthwith.

Yours wheak with starvation

The Ever Beautiful Betsy

PS here is the usual payment of pawprints and poops

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩
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Good morning The Ever Beautiful Betsy we hope you slept well and didn’t stay up all night worrying about your fellow forum piggies.

Thank you so much for highlighting these important issues with the GPU. We knew, as our shop steward, you wouldn’t let us all down. Pepper and I knew there were problems with these slaves. We’d heard the rumblings. But even we didn’t imagine the depth of neglect going on under the cover of squeaky voices. We hope change is coming. Thank you again.

Percy and Pepper
🐾 🐾 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
💩 💩 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩
 
Dear Percy and Pepper

I did sleep very well thank you and when I woke up this morning the letter went off the the GPU. It was on my mind as soon as you highlighted the clear and obvious neglect going on and I just had to send off the letter first thing. I take my role as Shop Steward very seriously.


Yours in bewilderment at the stupidness of Slaves
The Ever Beautiful Betsy
 
Dear Percy and Pepper,

Our humans keep the fridge two rooms away from us. It is very difficult with the fridge being so far away as our humans pretend to not notice our cries for help (Oreo is very good at screaming). We think that all guinea pigs should have their own fridge with our own access.

Another thing that we want is to go to the grocery store (think your shops)! We only get to leave the house to go get poked and prodded by the vet; very unpleasant. The humans go to the grocery store and bring back delicious vegetables and fruits. Why haven't we been taken to this heavenly place?!?!?!? There is also the farmer's market and the hay fields that we would like to go visit too. The humans think we don't like to travel; well of course not when all we get to go to is the vet! Not beautiful places with veggies and fruits.

If you could please add these things to the list of things we NEED, we would be every so grateful.

Your friends,
Cocoa and Oreo
 
Dear Cocoa and Oreo,
Of course day trips will be added to the list of things we WANT.

Our slave keeps us far, far away from a fridge. In a place called the garage! But it was nice and cool in here when we had a heatwave recently. And it is nice and warm in the winter so I suppose we can’t moan too much. Keep up the squeaky begging. You just have to wear them slaves down. Good luck.
Love Percy and Pepper
 
RedLoredAmazon said:
Dear Percy and Pepper,

Our humans keep the fridge two rooms away from us. It is very difficult with the fridge being so far away as our humans pretend to not notice our cries for help (Oreo is very good at screaming). We think that all guinea pigs should have their own fridge with our own access.

Another thing that we want is to go to the grocery store (think your shops)! We only get to leave the house to go get poked and prodded by the vet; very unpleasant. The humans go to the grocery store and bring back delicious vegetables and fruits. Why haven't we been taken to this heavenly place?!?!?!? There is also the farmer's market and the hay fields that we would like to go visit too. The humans think we don't like to travel; well of course not when all we get to go to is the vet! Not beautiful places with veggies and fruits.

If you could please add these things to the list of things we NEED, we would be every so grateful.

Your friends,
Cocoa and Oreo
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1629038516575.webp
 
Thank you Percy and Pepper, for helping us make a stand. Wheeeek!

Betsy, thank you soooooo much for sending a letter to the GPU on our behalf, things have yet to improve. We will continue to pray to the fridge Gods!

We have just had a game of hunt the pellet, time for a quick nap I think.
from Hamish and….oh Hectors already asleep!
💩💩💩
 
The Ever Beautiful Betsy has received a reply from the GPU already! It reads:-

Dear Ever Beautiful Betsy (Shop Steward)

Having read your letter this morning we realised what you and your fellow Guinea Pig Forum guinea pigs have had to endure, we held an EGPC (Emergency Guinea Pig Council) this afternoon. After gathering the main members of the GPU to discuss the seriousness of your complaint, the HGP (Head Guinea Pig), the DHGP (Deputy Head Guinea Pig) and the other members agreed that you should wheak extremely loudly whenever your Slaves walk past and bite the bars/mesh of your cages/runs/hutches (but not so much that you damage your teeth or that could mean a trip to the nasty Vet Slave) and teeth chatter away to show your displeasure at the lack of the essential food. Do not under any circumstances settle down for a cuddle unless there is food involved and wheak at your Slave until food arrives.

Yours in wheaky hopefulness of essential food

🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾

The GPU
 
AidaB said:
Thank you Percy and Pepper, for helping us make a stand. Wheeeek!

Betsy, thank you soooooo much for sending a letter to the GPU on our behalf, things have yet to improve. We will continue to pray to the fridge Gods!

We have just had a game of hunt the pellet, time for a quick nap I think.
from Hamish and….oh Hectors already asleep!
💩💩💩
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Oh Hector. You can’t make a stand if you’re always asleep. Poor Hamish needs some shut eye too. You’ll have to take turns sleeping and wheaking.
 
Dear The Ever Beautiful Betsy,

Wow such a quick response. They obviously agreed with us all that it was of the utmost importance to arrange an EGPC. It’s so pleasing to be taken seriously. Yes we agree. We must not settle for anything less than we deserve. That means WHOLE veggies and LOTS of fruit. Lino, leather, rubber, plastic (if you like that kind of thing). Days out that do not entail the very scary vet slave poking and prodding us. Carrot cottages, hay cakes, pea flakes (a handful at least). Uninterrupted sleep. Books and journals are an educational must have. Pee soaked hay. No nail or hair trims.

We think that pretty much covers everything.

Thank you everyone for all of your help bringing this matter to the fore.

Together we will get what we WANT.

And if all else fails wheeking and nipping are acceptable methods of reminding the idiot slaves who’s in charge.

Love Percy and Pepper
❤️💩🐾
 
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