Relationship Advice Please!

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He wouldn't let you in the house?!?!?That happened to me once - turned out he was just about to bed his ex wife who had just "popped round" - I found that out much later.

He is lying to you and even if he is innocent then there isn't much trust in the relationship. If he was the right man for you then he would not make you feel like this. He is giving the impression of man who is having his cake and eating it.

There are only 2 acceptable lies in my world 1) no darling, you do not look fat 2) of course the (black) dinner does not taste burnt!
 
If your partner doesn't make you feel special, fill you with trust and treat you with respect then they are not worth even a second of your time, ditch him and find somebody who deserves you! Big hugs x
 
Sweetheart I never like to get involved in relationship issues but I can't not in this case. What is a lovely person like you doing with this bloke ? He won't allow you to meet his flatmate ! You only see him Saturday and Sundays ! He lies ! I think in your hart you already know the real answers to your questions but you are frightend to face them x Life is to short to waste your time on someone like this. Xx
 
I agree with everyone else, very suspicious behavior and as for not answering the phone, is he 14 or something?!
Honestly, this has disaster written all over it, I'd get out now before you get really hurt. People don't change, so if he's not how he was at the start then this is his true self.
And someone worthy of you, will chase you and fight for you, trust me.
Remember, actions speak louder than words xx
 
Cee-Cee said:
ALARM BELLS! You only see him on a Saturday night/Sunday morning? Are you sure you are not his bit on the side? It sounds a little bit strange to me.
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I didn't explain that very well. For the first 6 months he'd stay over Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday night. Then in January his job involved him working away Monday-Friday. He'd get back Friday evening, I'd be at work on Saturday, so he'd come over Saturday evening till Sunday afternoon. His reason/excuse for coming to mine rather than me going to his is cause I live alone so we'd have more privacy.

24 hours later he still won't speak to me. He said me "pushing him" is the worst thing I can do. He wants to be left alone to think! So this morning I messaged him and calmly explained my point of view and I shouldn't have to always play to his rules. I told him I was going to Leeds for the day, if he wants to try and work things out he knows where I am. Surprise surprise, no word from him.

Oh and my maths is terrible. It would have been our 1 year anniversary on 1st June. So it's been over 11 months now.
 
I'm glad you've replied, you're situation has been on my mind and no doubt others too.
How would you be if it was over? It looks like you are starting to accept that this could be the death-knell for this relationship, and I hope that doesn't sound patronising. It's just that you have told him, quite rightly, that you shouldn't have to play by his rules all the time, and that you have put the ball in his court to either try to make amends or not, and a 'not' result sounds like the end, and that you knew and meant that before telling him.
I'm glad you've stood up to his childishness. It's tough to do, I myself hate any kind of conflict.

You deserve so much better. Someone you can trust for a start, and someone who won't play mind-games.
 
Agreed, a relationship should a partnership, teamwork. No people don't always get along but I always say if you have to fight then always fight fair. The moment you start with threats or ultimatums is the moment the power balance has shifted in their favor.
 
:(
Critter said:
I'm glad you've replied, you're situation has been on my mind and no doubt others too.
How would you be if it was over?
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Aw that's sweet, thank you. At least someone was thinking about me!
If it's over I'm gutted. I feel our relationship hasn't had a chance with only seeing him one day a week for the past 5 months. I will of course get over it in time but it's the fact I fell for someone again when it was all lies :(
 
You've been through this sort of thing before? Does your OH know about this?
If he is aware of what you've been through, he does not love you, to lie to you, and have the cheek to blame it on you.
 
Chief Guinea Pig said:
You've been through this sort of thing before? Does your OH know about this?
If he is aware of what you've been through, he does not love you, to lie to you, and have the cheek to blame it on you.
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Yes he is aware :( He is also aware that in my first long term relationship, my BF would blame everything on me, which I believe partly started my anxiety and depression. This also explains why I am wondering if I am justified in being upset. I was always led to believe it was all in my head and I was "over-sensitive".
 
SweetJo said:
Yes he is aware :( He is also aware that in my first long term relationship, my BF would blame everything on me, which I believe partly started my anxiety and depression. This also explains why I am wondering if I am justified in being upset. I was always led to believe it was all in my head and I was "over-sensitive".
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This makes things feel twice as worse that he knows what you have been through.
You are not happy. I think you are only still with him because of hope. ((Hugs))
 
Chief Guinea Pig said:
This makes things feel twice as worse that he knows what you have been through.
You are not happy. I think you are only still with him because of hope. ((Hugs))
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Yep! Hoping the nice caring guy I knew until January makes a reappearance. I know I sound like I'm defending him - I know he has behaved awfully and has not shown he cares at all - however I keep hoping if I wait till the end of June, when he stops working away, things might get better.
 
No-one can blame you for hoping.
The thing is things might get better in June when you can see each other more, but it still doesn't alter the fact that he's been lying and playing the blame game with your head. Getting better doesn't mean it will be a healthy relationship, just better than it was.
This is truly awful. Relationship breakdowns can cause true feelings of loss and mourning, but I do feel afraid for you, in that if you let this continue you will be stressed out in this relationship for a long time to come, with no proper improvement or commitment to you.

I just wish I could go and give you a huge hug right now. You do face a very upsetting situation. I just feel personally that it will be less upsetting in the long run to let this relationship go, than to try cling to hope that he'll start being the person you thought you knew at the start. When I say thought you knew, it seems like he was on good behaviour when the relationship was fresh, but now his real and quite frankly, mean side to him has been let out.

May I ask, is he charming and charismatic?
 
Critter said:
May I ask, is he charming and charismatic?
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Not really.... after our first date I wasn't sure if I even wanted to see him again! (I've never told him that). He was very sweet, and affectionate at the beginning - now I know it was just an act. However, when we're together it's great. He's cuddly, and we always have lots to talk about. We're constantly in touch when he's away.

He said from the start he doesn't share/show his feelings due to being hurt in the past but he's taking it a bit far now I think!

Haa haa he's just text me to ask how the guinea pigs are! :hb:
 
Big hugs hun x like I say, actions speak louder than words, if he wants to sort it out he will but you can't fight for someone who's not willing to put the same effort in.
I think you'll find someone much better in time, treat it as a learning curve x
 
I think if you wanted an explaination, he should've given it to you. You have a right to feel secure in the relationship, and if a response is what it takes, he should give it to you if he has nothing to hide. Proving a point is so childless on his behalf - especially if he knows the history about your previous relationship. I hope it works out for you hon, relationships are never easy! xx

Ps: Now you've made me curious about the mysterious roommate! Who is he/she and why have you never met?
 
I'm sorry but this is why I stay single and just bother with my pets lol.. well not just that I have social anxiety and depression, it's much easier to be on my own than with someone.

It seem's weird that he's hiding things from you and why haven't you met the house mate yet? did he give you a reason?
 
I'm sorry you are going through this :( My husband who I have been with for for nearly 17 years is a teacher. His co workers ae therefore mainly all females and he often has a night out with them. I don't go as I too suffer from various MH problems. He does however tell me all about the night out plus I have met most of his co workers.

As others have said, he doesn't make you happy and it isn't healthy you feeling like this especially when your boyfriend knows you have your fair share of difficulties and insecurities. You need someone you can trust and who loves you for you without making out things are in your head.

I would also be highly suspicious that in 10 months, you haven't met his house mate. Does that mean you've never stayed over at his whilst she has been there?

As hard as it is, I say walk away now before the worry and stress makes you ill. You deserve so much more.

Of course, we can only advise you as at the end of the day you know him better than what we do.
 
Marshmallows said:
Ps: Now you've made me curious about the mysterious roommate! Who is he/she and why have you never met?
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Ahhh, the housemate! Well I knew about her from our first date. He told me that he'd known her for about 8 years. When he'd split up with his ex, he needed somewhere to stay, and she had a spare room, so he moved in in November 2013. He said they didn't get on too well now they lived together, and he couldn't wait to move out. It didn't bother me because I figured I'd get to know her, and go round to his. I hoped we'd become friends. When he said she's been single for 11 years I even joked that she must be in love with him, and she'll hate me!

So it did start off as a joke, and with work and stuff it was easier for him to come to my flat. It only became an issue after about 6 months when I realised it wasn't funny any more, why doesn't he want me to meet her. His opinion is I don't need to meet her. She's not important to him so why do we need to meet. I haven't met his best friend either so what's the issue. When I spoke to one of the friends I have met, he said he doesn't know what is going on with housemate, but from what my BF has casually mentioned in the past, she isn't the type of person who'd want him bringing girls back to her house.

I think, (and my friend - she has seen the housemate's tweets and FB comments to my BF), that she is indeed in love with him and is trying to get his attention (which looking at Twitter and FB, he doesn't give). You should have seen the cake she made him for his birthday! :eek:

He's either:
Stupid and hasn't noticed she's besotted with him
Stupid and there is something going on
Realises she likes him but is trying to ignore it
Stupid and his true belief is there is no need for me to meet her

He is generally an independent bloke and doesn't need many people in his life. He only sees his family at Christmas, and only then because he has to. They only live 20 minutes away. He has one male best friend (who I haven't met). He sees him once a month at the very most. I have met a really lovely couple who he knows. He has another friend he's mentioned but I'm only aware he's seen him twice in a year. When he's working away he prefers it when colleagues aren't staying in the same hotel cause he'd rather not socialise.

I've just read that back and realised it's rather long :oops:
 
He is still currently living there even though they don't get along? Your not 'random girls' he brings home, your the girlfriend so you should be able to go around, but then since you live on your own, it probably is nicer to be together in your own space. She does sound to be fond of him, I don't think you'll make the effort to bake a fabulous cake unless you cared about the person..

Arghh.. it's really difficult to say, I'm really hoping he's not being shady! I mean, maybe it's generally nothing but he should answer or respond to your call/texts out of respect for you. Go with your gut, if you feel something is wrong - it probably is..
 
@Marshmallows He still lives there but only a Friday night and a Sunday night, with him working away every week. I assume he will still live there when he is working back up here. I live in a one bed flat. The guinea pigs have the bedroom cause it's so small you would fit a bed in and nothing else! I sleep on a day bed in the living room. Might sound like a weird set-up but I love my little flat :luv:

To be fair, he's not gaining anything if he was seeing her too. Why do a 40 mile round trip to see me in a one bed flat. I don't have a lot of money, he's not getting anything material from me. He pointed out that if anything ever would happen between them it would have happened in the 7 months he was living there while single. I also see his point about coming here for privacy. We don't see a lot of each other so I guess he doesn't want her hanging round when we do see each other.

There is clearly an issue there about something though but I don't yet know what :hmm:
 
Hehe the dedication for our piggies. I always say their nutrition is much better than mine! :roll: Absolutely, doubt he'll go through that effort if something was happening with the flatmate. I think he does care a lot but just wished he'd put your mind at ease! Have you heard from him since he asked about the piggies? X
 
@Marshmallows We've had general chit-chat. His excuse for not wanting to talk is because he doesn't like discussing things when all emotional in case he says something wrong in the heat of the moment. It is a sensible thing I suppose but I haven't appreciated being ignored! We're not in contact as much, and all messages are about the pigs or work.
As for the GPs nutrition, there are more fruit and veg in my fridge for them rather than for me!
 
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