Personal guidance wanted

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lol - he drives the giant forklifts & stuff. Changes it from a field to a festival.
 
hi piggybaker, I've been married for almost 28 years and have 5 kids he too was a copper which caused us a lot of grief we very nearly split up after 16 years of marriage but he realised very quickly what he had to lose, I got tired telling him but once i had got it into his head he was leaving and I was moving away he totally changed I now have the same man I married back and we are very very happy , it still hurts thinking back to then I was pregnant with my daughter, so he spoiled a precious time for me , your hubby had an accident which was no fault of his own, so he must be suffering himself, has the police offered councilling, becasue I think you maybe need that urgently, yes by all means go out get dolled up and enjoy the admiring glances , it will make you feel so much better, I learnt to drive went out and got the chance of 2 affairs the men made my confidence soar BUT I did not take them up on their offer despite me hating hubby then, I would not have made things any better by adding to the situation, their advances were enough for me to feel more in control, and confident.
I do feel like others you only get one life but its not only your life here thats involved its your hubbys who through no fault of his own is disabled making a living to keep his family, your kids are also involved my 2 elder sons still get irritated by my hubby becasue they knew he made thier mum nearly end it and they have spoken to me and say they hated him for what happened so yes even though we stayed together it still caused them upset which they will carry for ever, we never really argued that was part of the problem he was never there ,
I'm glad we worked it out you need some one who will do what you want your hubby to do and thats make you feel special like he used to , once he sees you enjoying yourself again he might change, maybe his disablitys make it hard for him to show you his feelings in which case its medical help and councilling he needs personally I could never walk away from my hubby as i could never make anyone hurt that much , but i am a softy , see your DR and ask his advice and see if you can get councilling BEFORE you do anything you might regret, good luck sweetheart no one will ever know the 100% answer for you I'm afraid as its you and your hubbys decisions, jsut take what we all say and think long and hard,
 
hils78 said:
lol - he drives the giant forklifts & stuff. Changes it from a field to a festival.
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will he be coming to the Isle of wight festival if so let me see a pic and I'll give him a good kick up the ass for mistreating you , love the idea of moving out for 6 months you crafty mare, ;D
 
HI Piggybaker, so sorry for what you are going through - like the others say life is too short to stay in an unhappy situation, but is there any chance that your husband can get some help and get back to being the man you married (like Michelle suggests?)? It must be so hard seeing him change so much, but make sure you try everything before you make your mind up... good luck, I don't envy you your decision at all... :(

Katie xx
 
I married when I was 19 - a marriage that looking back my parents pretty much forced me into..... we had 3 children together (my older 3 kids) and I was with him for 7 years, I knew I didnt love him after 5 but felt stuck, the love of my life was someone I went to school with, anyhow to cut my story short I got back in touch with him, he point blank refused to have an "affair" and said he would never be my "bit on the side" - it was all or nothing..... so I made the hardest decision ever and packed my bags and left..... I went to hell and back, my parents disowned me and even now 12 years and 2 kids on thing are still "fragile", I lost most of my family and have only recently been reconciled with my sister BUT I dont regret what I did, I did it for ME cause its MY life and I deserve to be happy, I felt it was more cruel to stay with him when I knew I didnt love him than move on. It has been very very difficult though cause despite me being with Andy for 12 years my ex husband still loves me, still wants me back and has never really moved forward. We are very great friends although its difficult at times cause he has suffered from being lonely and depressed. I say follow her heart cause your head will lie to you!!

Nicky x
 
You are brave...

i would choose my family everytime...I would hate it if i didnt talk to them...

You can fall in and out of love and most people do but you only have one family!

If it ever cam tto a choice I couldnt do that to my mum or dad...
 
I really appreciate your advice, as Michell says there are lots of roads i need to take before i go for the plunge, I am not a selfish person but although my hubby and i laugh with each other, we don't talk, and we only every talk about the children or the bloody dog, Maybe when i go to work the green eyed monster will raise its head i am sure,

I'm not sure if it is the copper in him , but everything is so black and white, but i see a lot of fun colours in life >:D


I want my Mum she always makes it better!
 
The way I see it, if I meant anything to my parents then my happiness would come first? The put me in the position of having to choose and I chose not to choose them! I would never ever back my children into a corner and will always be there for them no matter what, its my parents loss not mine, I'm very very happy, got a wonderful husband, 5 wonderful kids so in the end my heart made the right choice for me.

Nicky xx
 
maybe as you say being a copper does change their way of thinking and you say you laugh together well thats good start I'd def look into councilling, and as for choosing family over them I've had it both ways my mother in law bullied me mercilessly for 16 years making sure hubby never knew it wasn't until pure luck made him hear her bullying me on the other phone that he knew what I had been going through. we moved away from her uprooting my family to get away from her she died 2 years ago but i still hate her with as much passion as ever, but also my 22 year old son married a girl who is nothing but trouble with police etc and is a nasty piece of work I was the only one to give her a chance for 5 years despite it making me ill and my whole family on edge ,she constantly bullied my son in the end she turned on me causing my son to take sides he then threatened to kill my hubby because he was made to belived hubby had called police on her driving with no licence and thier car being taken away, which did not happen she had told him the police who arrested her had told her hubbys name had reported her which if you know anything about the police would know names are never ever mentioned its more then their jobs worth, he then came round here screaming he was going to kill his dad so I had to call the police because mick was at risk similar thing happend last year , he went to court pleaded not guilty which peed me off because i had brought him up not to lie, now becasue of her lies I have to go to court to give evidence against my own son, I love my son with all my heart but could not let things carry on having 2 younger kids who were witnessing it all the time , and it making me ill with worry about what she would do next, so effectively I have now lost my son and 2 grandaughters , so I see it both ways
 
talking about mother in laws, i hate my oh mom. years ago when he was younger years before i met him he stole some money from where he worked, and got arrested went to court etc and the court told him if he could pay the money back in whole they would leave it at that, so his dad got a loan the same day and got him out.(as any parent would). ever since that day they have always wanted to see hisa finances every week, when he was living at home he did what they wanted. when he wanted to move in with me he told me about showing them his finances, and i told him that if he moved in with me i didnt want his parents looking at them as it would now invole me as well. he agreed and everything was ok for a bit but when he saw them on his own they bullied him in to doing it, which then caused an argument between me and him. this still happens to some extent although he doesnt see them as much. ive told him i cant live like that and unless he told them then i might not be around for long.he sticks up for himself a bit more now as i have told how is he suppost to move on if they keep dragging him back all the time. he told me last night that he has no feelings for his mom at all, i feel sorry for him as it must be horrible to think that but i really think its best if he stays away from them but cant tell him to do that.

sorry for waffling on just had to get it out, sorry :)
 
mother in laws *snarls*

mine and her hubby are idiots,they told me how to bring Sars up when she was a baby " oh she should be doing this by now and eating that by now "
then they told her they wished she'd been born a boy so they coulkd take her to football etc,she still goes anyway so that wouldnt make any difference,so now Sars hates them both and doesnt call them grandma or grandad,they have heaps of money and would maybe give her a fiver for xmas,seeing as shes the only grandkid in their lives,she never see's them..but then its their loss,and ive not seen them for 6 years or more now,its great O0 O0 O0
 
My younger two wouldnt know my parents if they passed them in the street! Nicky xx
 
My Oh's Mum drives me mad, I don't talk to her anymore, when i needed her after Richards accident, she turned her back on me, My son her only granchild was 5 weeks old, as we have younger members i cannot call her the name i want to, so as far as his family is concerned i have never had the back up >:(
 
piggybaker said:
My Oh's Mum drives me mad, I don't talk to her anymore, when i needed her after Richards accident, she turned her back on me, My son her only granchild was 5 weeks old, as we have younger members i cannot call her the name i want to, so as far as his family is concerned i have never had the back up >:(
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awww hell that totally sucks >:( >:(
 
Life is too short to be unhappy, sometimes you don't realise how unhappy you are till things change.
 
I agree, you have to live for the day - life's too short to be unhappy... You have to do what makes you happy, even if some people may not understand or agree....

/hugs x
 
I've just read through every post and would like to comment also.
My OH was married to somebody else before me, and his wife left him for another fella, he was devastated at the time, BUT then he met me. We've got 3 kids and we love each other dearly, there's times of course but that's just part and parcel of married life.
I'm glad she left my OH otherwise we'd never have left and had our three beautiful children :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:
Go ahead and do what you feel is right, weigh up the pros and cons don't go into it flippantly.
Remember life is short enjoy it whilst you can - agree with you SweetEdge O0

Mother's In Law well that's another subject, this page aint big enough for me to whinge about mine :tickedoff: :tickedoff: :tickedoff:
 
Glynis said:
I've just read through every post and would like to comment also.
My OH was married to somebody else before me, and his wife left him for another fella, he was devastated at the time, BUT then he met me. We've got 3 kids and we love each other dearly, there's times of course but that's just part and parcel of married life.
I'm glad she left my OH otherwise we'd never have left and had our three beautiful children :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:
Go ahead and do what you feel is right, weigh up the pros and cons don't go into it flippantly.
Remember life is short enjoy it whilst you can - agree with you SweetEdge O0

Mother's In Law well that's another subject, this page aint big enough for me to whinge about mine :tickedoff: :tickedoff: :tickedoff:
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lmao I dont think the whole net is big enough for us to whinge about them ;D ;D
 
has anyone got a nice mother in law looks like they dont exist, my old hag mother in law has been dead 2 years tomorrow and I still hate her ::)
 
If people say they have I dont believe it!

This sounds awful but andys mum is about 52 and her new husband is about 75 or something....so I reaaally hope he doesnt die as she will probably try and come and live with us or get andy to stay there with her for a while....andys brother rich works and lives in london, so he would just make his excuses, but we are the only family under 2 hours away so the burden would be put on us no doubt....and her stupid yappy dog (love of her life) will probably die around the same time as its getting on a bit...oOooo the drama!
 
Shes one of those really needy women...ergh...I can imagine her wanting 'her boys' crowding round her.... ?

Ergh.

;D
 
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