Personal guidance wanted

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piggybaker

piggybaker

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I am in a situation that i think some of you know? my husband had a bad accident 5 years 10 months ago, he is a copper and was in a car chase, they smashed into the side of him and broke his femur in 8 places crushed his ankle and caused brain damage in the sense of, behaviour and speech confusion!

He is not the man i married, and although we went on to have another child, Charlie was 5 weeks old when the accident happened, I don't want to be with I'm anymore, :-\

When i went to Devon i was introduced to a man, he is married so well out of bounds, but he looked at me and spoke to me and made me feel like a women, :smitten:Nothing happened, but i am trying really hard to stay in control of things

I am not a young silly girl i am going to be 31 soon and i feel very much like life is slipping away,

What should i do? the intermet front is no go, I want my knight in shining amour, i want the fairytale i believed in when i was young


Am i having a mid life crises? I just want some guidance from the more mature members of the forum, the ones tat have been there maybe
 
Hi

I don't think you are having a "mid life crisis" but as you say you feel life in slipping away. I personally believe, after missing out on quite a few choicesmyself, that if the opportunity is there you should take and enjoy the moment and don't worry about what may happen, I have missed out on a couple of opportunities in life that I sorely wish I had taken but didnt at the time purely because I was a coward. How I wish I had done it now! When my dad died 6yrs ago I had no idea how much that would change my life which looks in danger of becoming a drudge now due to a demanding, hypochondriac mother. Don't get me wrong I'm not an old spinster! I have been married and had my moments ( and how!) But now I realise that any opportunities you get in life should be seriously considered and acted upon immediately if necessary!

You sound sensible, you know you have your responsibilities, but you really should go for the hapiness you deserve, as we all should, because as we know life can change for the worse on a flip of a coin and just pass us by.........

Go for it, whatever "it" is that will make you happy and content, I'm gonna try!

PM if you want to talk more about the missed opportunities in relationships etc I really don't wanna go in to it for all to see!, sorry for waffling!
 
just wondered is it the situation with hubby that is the problem or the life slipping you by, to me they are very separate issues and need to be addressed individually. :)
 
Yes i have spoken to him about it and he just seems to drift away, but the situation with my hubby and life slipping by go hand in hand, he is the reason life is slipping away as we don't do anything together, we used to before his accident, know we just stagnate, we used to be a great pair, but know,

And havin been away this weekend gave me a glimpse of who i used to be, and i think the children could do this,
 
I dont think I'm old enough to comment at 21, but you are my friend and I watch every chat show going ;D so I will anyway...

Its is true you shouldnt let your life slip away, you dont want to look back and see nothing but missed oppertunities....
BUT
If you decided to leave your husband and set out on your own, what if you regret that? And its all been for nothing? Before you make a decision like that....maybe you should try and get your 'old self' back in a different way...going out more, doing new things, with your OH and by yourself...you dont have to be without him to find yourself! Obviously trying to spice things up in your relationship is a good idea, but sometimes easier said than done...i think personally you are better off trying to find out what makes YOU happy as a woman, then act on that.

I dont think there is ANYTHING wrong with you going out in a nice dress and get some admiring looks and a bit of a flirt from some guys (as long as thats all it is) it will make you feel sexy and like a woman rather than a wife and a mum.

Go out to a bar or an evening class with a friend or two, something you can do to meet people and give you a well needed boost!

My mum left my dad when I was 12 as she wanted something more from her life...then 3-4 years down the line she wanted him back but there was too much water under the bridge and too much had been said.

I know you said you have talked to him, but maybe you could sit down with him, turn off the tv, just the two of you and be honest and open...do you know how he feels about all this?

I hope everything works out for you hunny, I really do!
 
OOOo Piggybaker - how I know EXACTLY what you are going through!
I'm 29 & am feeling the same. I think my oppertunity has been missed - I know I was 'waited for' for approx 1 year and since new years day this year I have heard nothing. I now know it was a big mistake thinking that I had to ride the current situation out because nothing has changed here. The person who I shall loosley call my partner has health issues too. More self inflicted health issues really which is why I have hung on thinking that he will give up & change. Deep down I know he will never change. I still get the glimpse of the wonderful, charming person I chose to have a child with on occasion. But thats probably for only about a half day a month. It the coward in me that has not put a proper full stop on the crappy current situation I have kepy my daughter & myself in. I'm too scared of the unknown - but familiar & dare I say it 'comfortable' with the current situation. I know that life would be hard to move on - but happier.
The man who made me feel like 'a true me' and who idolised my daughter has now given up waiting.

There is no right or wrong approach Piggybaker - its just making the most of the situation YOU choose to keep yourself in. And 99.9% if the time making the better descision is the hardest one to make because it usually a huge gamble.

Hilary x
 
hils78 said:
OOOo Piggybaker - how I know EXACTLY what you are going through!
I'm 29 & am feeling the same. I think my oppertunity has been missed - I know I was 'waited for' for approx 1 year and since new years day this year I have heard nothing. I now know it was a big mistake thinking that I had to ride the current situation out because nothing has changed here. The person who I shall loosley call my partner has health issues too. More self inflicted health issues really which is why I have hung on thinking that he will give up & change. Deep down I know he will never change. I still get the glimpse of the wonderful, charming person I chose to have a child with on occasion. But thats probably for only about a half day a month. It the coward in me that has not put a proper full stop on the crappy current situation I have kepy my daughter & myself in. I'm too scared of the unknown - but familiar & dare I say it 'comfortable' with the current situation. I know that life would be hard to move on - but happier.
The man who made me feel like 'a true me' and who idolised my daughter has now given up waiting.

There is no right or wrong approach Piggybaker - its just making the most of the situation YOU choose to keep yourself in. And 99.9% if the time making the better descision is the hardest one to make because it usually a huge gamble.

Hilary x
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*underlines the loosely bit*
 
I dont know what is happening with you hils..but i will say I always thought you were a single mum for some reason :-\

Maybe I just never heard you talking about your OH... :-\
 
she keeps him locked away in the loft most of the time,for lots of reasons
 
Puggies Rule said:
she keeps him locked away in the loft most of the time,for lots of reasons
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Puggies Rule said:
mine would never get one if they were given free with Frosties
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LMFAO ;D ;D

Thats what I like about you Shaz, you can bring humour to the most serious and deep posts! Your comments have cheered me up loads of times :)
 
haha well you know I have a sick twisted sense of humour O0 O0

without me you lot would never have to keep changing your knickers every 5 mins( cos theyre wet ) TMI alert!
 
PerfectPiggies said:
I dont know what is happening with you hils..but i will say I always thought you were a single mum for some reason :-\

Maybe I just never heard you talking about your OH... :-\
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I really am a single parent - but with a sporadic bit of input from the sperm donor now & then who happens to live here alot of the time (unfortunately!) >:D
 
hils78 said:
PerfectPiggies said:
I dont know what is happening with you hils..but i will say I always thought you were a single mum for some reason :-\

Maybe I just never heard you talking about your OH... :-\
Click to expand...
I really am a single parent - but with a sporadic bit of input from the sperm donor now & then who happens to live here alot of the time (unfortunately!) >:D
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lmfao I thought that was a random tramp that had wandered in and was kipping on your settee
 
lol - when a neighbour had a new boyfriend once the Sperm donor needed to change a ten pound note.  The neighbours new fella thought he was a begger who had gone knocking at the door  :D  The new bloke thought he was asking for money - not just to change it lol
 
changing your knickers every 5 mins( cos theyre wet )
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I love the way you thought that comment needed an explanation ;D ;D

At the end of the day what do you do though....stick with something 'existing' or try to break away and actually live....but breaking up your family, uprooting your kids and it possibly all coming crashing down... :-\

Its so much harder when their are children involved, but I guess its not good for them to grow up seeing you being unhappy..surely as they get older they will tell and I would hate it if my kids went on to be stuck in the same situation with a bloke (or girl)...
 
I 'm not in a position to advise you one way or the other, you have to decide what is the best for YOU.
I agree children make decisions harder, but children adapt & which would make them happier; 2 parents together & miserable or 2 parents apart & happy?
Life's too short, why spend the time you have here being unhappy?
 
With me - as I'm as is with Piggybaker its seperating a child from their father which is the over-riding issue. As daft as it sounds I know she's better off without his input - which is why I literally 'ran away' with her on monday & tuesday. I do desperately want him to be better & be the dad & partner I know he is capable of being. Deep down I know its not going happen. I just need to grow a pair of b*****ks & get the hell out - but its my house so its not that easy! ::)
 
hils78 said:
With me - as I'm as is with Piggybaker its seperating a child from their father which is the over-riding issue. As daft as it sounds I know she's better off without his input - which is why I literally 'ran away' with her on monday & tuesday. I do desperately want him to be better & be the dad & partner I know he is capable of being. Deep down I know its not going happen. I just need to grow a pair of b*****ks & get the hell out - but its my house so its not that easy! ::)
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I know a piggy thats just parted with his if that helps?
 
Do I need to visit the gorgeous vet to get them?? !
ok I'm gonna stop hijacking Piggybakers thread now ::)
 
hils78 said:
Do I need to visit the gorgeous vet to get them?? !
ok I'm gonna stop hijacking Piggybakers thread now ::)
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I'm just off to visit that gorgeous vet,wanna come? lol
 
Cant you just ask him for a trial seperation....make sure the little cutie is out of the house....pack him a bag of some clothes and ask him to leave for a couple of weeks for some breathing space...dont have an arguement, ask nicely and there is no reason he can say no if he trully loves you..

That should make him realise what a dick he's being and hopefully wise up appreciate what he has and start being a brilliant dad and a better partner, and you will get a taste of how it might be without him....

And..sounds bad...but if he thinks its temporary hes more likely to go...and it means you can have the choice whether he comes back (even if he doesnt know it).

As long as your little chicken is okay and doesnt get in the middle of any arguement there may be....theres no reason for her to be the reason you are stuck their unhappy!
 
PerfectPiggies said:
Cant you just ask him for a trial seperation....make sure the little cutie is out of the house....pack him a bag of some clothes and ask him to leave for a couple of weeks for some breathing space...
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He should be leaving for 4 months very soon anyway. He does every year to build the festivals. Only this time I'm thinking about renting out my house for 6 months & moving into the caravan (and I can take the piggies ;) they'll have 10 acres to play with). That way he'll not be able to come back! Then I'll move back in O0
 
Thats bloody fantastic! You go girl!

Building festivals? Are you sure hes not the main attraction? ?
 
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