Mixed Feelings

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ayemee

ayemee

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Hello,

This is a bit of a random post really. I thought I would share my thoughts on things though, as I feel here is the only place right now I can voice them.

Some of you may know that I'm in my second year of nurse training.

Well recently I've had feeling that it just isn't for me anymore. But with so many people constantly saying how proud they are of me, and reminding me I'm already half way through my degree, I almost feel trapped!

I've not been sleeping well at night because I'm always going over in my head, wondering what the right thing to do is... I'm worried if I leave my degree I will regret it for the rest of my life, yet I feel if I carry on being unhappy then I'll regret that too!

I keep crying and often I don't even know why! I feel like a huge ball of mixed emotions.
Just wanted to get it off my chest! Sorry for the slightly mood dampening post.
 
What is it in particular that makes you think nursing is not the career for you?
 
You have done the right thing getting it off your chest. I don't know what your reasons for not wanting to carrying on nursing are?
But if you feel this is the wrong career for you, then you should go with your heart. I am sure your family will only be happy if you're happy, and they won't mind you not wanting to carry on with it.

So you know what you'd want to do instead? x
 
Goth Mummy said:
What is it in particular that makes you think nursing is not the career for you?
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That's just the thing! I have no idea. Some aspects of it I do enjoy. But that's the other thing, if you say nursing isn't for you, I worry it will make me look like an awful person. Everything just feels so confusing right now.

Just don't want to look back on life and wish I had done something different that I enjoyed more.
 
Chief Guinea Pig said:
You have done the right thing getting it off your chest. I don't know what your reasons for not wanting to carrying on nursing are?
But if you feel this is the wrong career for you, then you should go with your heart. I am sure your family will only be happy if you're happy, and they won't mind you not wanting to carry on with it.

So you know what you'd want to do instead? x
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I'm not sure that's the thing.

I have no idea what I want to do. I'm turning 22 this year and feel like I should have everything figured out. Feeling all over the place at the moment.
 
NO ONE is going to think you're an awful person saying nursing is not for you. Utter rubbish lady! Everyone can see you're lovely and kind, they will understand. :)
 
ayemee said:
I'm not sure that's the thing.

I have no idea what I want to do. I'm turning 22 this year and feel like I should have everything figured out. Feeling all over the place at the moment.
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No don't worry you have plenty of time!
Which are the bits you don't enjoy?
 
You won't be an awful person for nursing not being your thing. Sometimes learning to do something you thought you'd really enjoy is the only way you learn that it isn't right for you. Perhaps before you decide to leave have a look at other career options etc and see if you think anything else would suit you?
 
Flutterby said:
You won't be an awful person for nursing not being your thing. Sometimes learning to do something you thought you'd really enjoy is the only way you learn that it isn't right for you. Perhaps before you decide to leave have a look at other career options etc and see if you think anything else would suit you?
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That's true. Yeah I've started to look around. I could never leave without having another plan! I'm one of those people that feels like I need a plan. I thought I had one, now that's being doubted it's freaking me out!

Must..have..plans! Haha.
 
Plans are great, I'm a planner too. If I don't plan I stress, and then when I'm stressed I start cleaning :P You just have to get through this, take some deep breaths and continue on to the best of your abilities until you decide if you want to take another path or not. It could just be a hiccup of doubt and could eventually pass and you could fall back in love with nursing.
 
ayemee said:
The bits I haven't enjoyed are the fast paced think on your feet type situations. It's just not me! I like to plan and think things through..
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Are there many of these sort of situations you have to face?
Obviously this is something that cannot be changed.
 
I can see very much you are coming from with the fast pace think on feet, I feel uncomfortable doing that as well.
Maybe you could stick it a teeny but longer just for you to know it is not a phase? But you have to do what is right for you.
 
It's perfectly natural to feel this way when you're 3/4 way through a course. I agree with Chief Guinea Pig that your happiness is paramount - but also agree with you that you need a plan . I think you need to weigh up the pro's and cons . A degree in nursing can be very useful for a lot of careers other than ward work

Some ideas are ...

Staying in nursing - but in a speciality such as rehabilitation - or outpatients -

you may want to work for an non nhs organisation - maybe as a case manager .

Is it worth talking to your tutors?
 
PiggyOwner said:
It's perfectly natural to feel this way when you're 3/4 way through a course. I agree with Chief Guinea Pig that your happiness is paramount - but also agree with you that you need a plan . I think you need to weigh up the pro's and cons . A degree in nursing can be very useful for a lot of careers other than ward work

Some ideas are ...

Staying in nursing - but in a speciality such as rehabilitation - or outpatients -

you may want to work for an non nhs organisation - maybe as a case manager .

Is it worth talking to your tutors?
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Yes I'm speaking to a tutor next week. Hopefully that will help.

I think the academic pressure might be more the issue now I think about it. When I'm actually there doing the job, I do mostly enjoy it.

I think it's because I'm away from home, I'm always so tired, I'm rubbish at essay writing and we have about 3 projects on the go at once. Maybe that's the issue! Either way, after the next six weeks the academic pressure will ease. Maybe that will make me feel better. :)
 
Ah ha ha I laugh at the very idea of having everything sorted out at 22 ;)
Perhaps @AbiS can talk to you about how you feel about nursing?
 
@Goth Mummy My family did too! ;) I'm just really bad with wanting things to go a certain way in life. When in fact it doesn't always go to plan and I need to except that. ;)
 
If it makes you feel any better I started an Msc in librarianship years ago and bailed on it, I hated it and knew I would never want it as a career. The worst thing was I was on a graduate training scheme placement at the city library and sponsorsed by the council, they were so angry when I quit.
 
Goth Mummy said:
If it makes you feel any better I started an Msc in librarianship years ago and bailed on it, I hated it and knew I would never want it as a career. The worst thing was I was on a graduate training scheme placement at the city library and sponsorsed by the council, they were so angry when I quit.
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Yeah , but you did the right thing if you didn't enjoy it! I've always said since I was young I would rather have a lower paid job and be happy going to work everyday, than be earning loads of money but dreading going to work. The area of nursing I want to do makes me happy about going. So I've just got to keep remembering that!
 
Oh I did the right thing without a doubt. I worked in a school library before that placement and loved it but when I worked at the city library I realised what I loved was interaction with the students, not the library work as such! So I went off to work at universities instead :D
 
Yeah I think that's what I'm realising. I enjoy a specific area of nursing and just need to keep remembering I have to experience it all in my training.

I'm feeling a lot better now I've been talking about it! Like I can relax a little. I'm a worrier that's my problem @Goth Mummy !
 
ayemee said:
Yeah I think that's what I'm realising. I enjoy a specific area of nursing and just need to keep remembering I have to experience it all in my training.

I'm feeling a lot better now I've been talking about it! Like I can relax a little. I'm a worrier that's my problem @Goth Mummy !
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I understand why you may not want to share but, I'm interested to know what area of nursing you enjoy.
 
PiggyOwner said:
I understand why you may not want to share but, I'm interested to know what area of nursing you enjoy.
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No that's fine! It sounds really morbid, but I really enjoy palliative care. So end of life care. I've spent many days with hospices and I've really enjoyed it.

Who I am as a person fits this type of nursing so well.
 
ayemee said:
No that's fine! It sounds really morbid, but I really enjoy palliative care. So end of life care. I've spent many days with hospices and I've really enjoyed it.

Who I am as a person fits this type of nursing so well.
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Nothing wrong with that. I haven't had any experience of hospices but have heard about how fantastic McMillan nurses are . You can really make a positive difference giving good palliative care - both to the patient and to their loved ones.
 
PiggyOwner said:
Nothing wrong with that. I haven't had any experience of hospices but have heard about how fantastic McMillan nurses are . You can really make a positive difference giving good palliative care - both to the patient and to their loved ones.
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Yes. This is something I would love to do.

Think the stress has got to me a little lately. I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

Feeling a little better now.
 
Ah yes, stressful times! I did a law degree when I left school and hated each and every single moment of it. I come from a family whereby I had to go to uni whether I wanted to or not - and I didn't. I had no idea what I wanted to do and it was just a big fat waste of time, money and happiness all for a piece of paper that I never intend to use at any point ever!

Then at the grand old age of 27 I had an epiphany and went back to study midwifery. It was a brilliant idea - that is until the coalition government started doing everything in its power to cuts salaries, pensions, holidays, unsociable payments etc. I still love the idea of my job but the politics involved do tarnish things.

However, back to the point. When I did my training I spent 3 years thinking 'is this for me?', I had a few dodgy mentors that resulted in me being terrified of delivering babies - I did get over that eventually but it still is not my favourite thing. There isn't a single person on my cohort that didn't have a mid-training panic because we invested so much into the course and at some point we were going to be let loose on society with professional responsibility and we did not know if we were ever going to be ready. You also don't start learning how to be a midwife or a nurse until you have qualified as up until then you always have the support of your mentor.

It is completely understandable that you are having a crisis at the moment - loads of studying - not only do I remember how that feels, I am going through it now - postgrad courses while working full time (whose bright idea was that) - I have 5 assignments due in on 24th March and another one on 14th April - and right now all want to do is jack the whole thing in and go and paint my toenails or some other relaxing task that I just do not have time for.

You mentioned not liking the high pressure emergency situations - I am totally with you there - you shouldn't think anything less of yourself because of that - it isn't for everyone. But there are areas of nursing where that will not be too much of a problem. You did mention that you had a preferred area - will that have lots of emergencies? It is great that you have a focus and an area that you would like to get into. I now mainly do postnatal care because I wasn't overly keen on the whole delivery situation.

I would agree with what the others said - that you shouldn't do something that makes you unhappy but can you 100% say that it is the nursing that makes you unhappy or is it the stress of all of the work and that you are having to do and placements in areas that you don't enjoy? You are well on your way through the course and if you ask around others on the course I bet there will be a high percentage who feel the same. Don't make any rash decisions - you might just end up regretting them. Once you have qualified there are so many different directions you could go in, so many avenues available to you that it would be a shame to leave uni without completing the course.
 
Just seen your post that you enjoy palliative care. Wow! I think that is such an amazing role - something that I just would not be strong enough for. Just such a pain that you need to experience all of the other areas before you can concentrate on that. I would just keep that as your focus and your reason for doing this course and it will hopefully motivate you.

However, please also bear in mind that you should not feel pressurised to continue if you really don't want to - it takes a brave person to say they changed their mind. But if you are going to do that you need to have a plan B in place.
 
Its brilliant that you enjoy palliative care. I am interested in end of life and palliative care as a result of two elderly family members dying last year. Two very different experiences which were led by the care teams involved to make each a "good death".
We need more people like you. X
 
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