Hi
I agree with
@VickiA . It is very easy in your desperate need for answers to find a place to fixate on what is handy and not necessarily on whether that is the real culprit. Antibiotics are given to save lives because there is a health issue that can lead to death without the medication, first and foremost.
Please be aware that a fair share of the online cases that blame the death of their piggy on the antibiotic are in fact from people in your situation doing exactly the same thing and then others reading it; it has become over time a self-reinforcing thing.
When doing your research online, it will unfortunately give you a very misleading picture. For people with major bereavement and mental health issues, doing that kind of research is not at all helpful because they lack the framework to put it all into the proper perspective.
Antibiotics can cause loss of appetite and there can be occasionally a bad reaction to them but they do not usually kill in and of themselves. If they really did that, they would be actually quickly withdrawn for use in that species. Yet despite all the bad press especially from traumatised people, this has not happened - for a very good reason: because the negative side effects have been blown badly out of proportion. They only affect a very small number of piggies in view of the much, much larger number of prescriptions. What you never get when doing your online snooping is the vast number of unexceptional recoveries because they are not considered worth posting about. Without that corrective in mind, you can very easily arrive at a very wrong impression.
Please never make the mistake of letting a pet of yours die untreated because of erroneously believing that the cure is worse than the illness it is used against. Your own fears can be more fatal for your pet than any medication or operation. We have sadly seen that repeatedly on here over the years from people who have made the next step on the path you have taken; sometimes sadly leading to a very unnecessary and perfectly avoidable tragedy.
PLEASE seek trained help either via the free support platforms that the Blue Cross offers for bereaved pet owners or via a mental health support platform. What you are dealing with is a more extreme form that you should not try to tackle on your own because it won't lead you to a good place and won't do anything constructive for your piggy or yourself and any further pets in your life. When you get stuck on a particular hurdle, you'd better get help to get over it.
Feelings of failure or guilt are par for the course at the onset of the grieving process (we all have them to some extent or other) as is the need for a definite answer. Unfortunately, the latter can only be answered by a prompt post mortem examination (and it may not always be conclusive). For the other, your fixation on the guilt/need to find an answer for what you have done wrong (you actually have NOT done anything wrong) and your inability to move on, there is support out there.
Any of our forum members who have ever made use of the free Blue Cross (UK animal charity) support services - often after much persuasion from us - has come back with the feedback that it has really helped them. Please do get help for yourself and don't keep floundering in a sea of self-recrimination and trying to fix the blame on something for the sheer sake of attaching blame.
Here is the link to the Blue Cross pet bereavement page with their various tailored services to suit your own needs best:
Pet bereavement and pet loss
If you want to put your own experience into the appropriate perspective, you will hopefull find our grieving guide with lots of very practical advice and tips helpful:
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Coping and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children