I'm struggling.

Jenni85

Jenni85

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I'm struggling so much with my decision to have my 16 year old puppo PTS.

Who am I to decide when his time is up?

What if the vet was wrong and it was a one off and I could have had him a couple more years?

He was literally fine, until that seizure.

This is so hard. I can't sleep properly, I've eaten a sandwich since Saturday.

Ive got to go to work, I've got to be mum but all I want to do is lay in bed and cry my heart out.
 
Sending you huge hugs.

A vet would not have carried out the PTS if they thought there wasn’t a need to do so. Please don’t think you did anything wrong.
It’s so hard when we lose beloved pets but we are all here to support you
 
Huge hugs to you. There is always what it's, whichever way you would have decided you would be torturing yourself with the other option and should you have done it. It is all part of the grief process sadly which means it's hard but perfectly normal. Are you aware of the helpline you can call for pet bereavement?
 
I’m so sorry you are struggling. Sending you a massive hug. You absolutely made the right decision. 100%. You said in another thread that the seizure had caused blindness, deafness and paralysis. In your heart you know he couldn’t have gone on like this. And you and he wouldn’t have wanted that. He had 16 years of a wonderful, fantastic life. I’m sure he was the centre of your house and was loved every minute of it. You should be proud of the decision you made. He would thank you for ending his suffering. It’s hard. It’s sad. It’s awful. But this is the price we have to pay for loving so deeply. ❤️

Please look after yourself. X
 
Piggies&buns said:
Sending you huge hugs.

A vet would not have carried out the PTS if they thought there wasn’t a need to do so. Please don’t think you did anything wrong.
It’s so hard when we lose beloved pets but we are all here to support you
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The vet advised it and told me I was doing the right thing when I asked her about 18373 times 😅

I know I need to stop torturing myself with what ifs but it's the way my stupid brain is wired.

We rescued him from from the RSPCA 15 years ago and he wouldn't have lived to 16 if he wasn't well taken care of, I need to keep reminding myself that.

Thank you
 
I’m so sorry you’re struggling with guilt and grief. It’s so hard not to think about the ‘what ifs’. I’m always struck with terrible guilt when having to say goodbye to a pet as well.
But I always try and tell myself that I made that decision because it felt right at the time. And what felt right at the time is always the correct decision.

Thinking of you :luv:
 
weepweeps said:
I’m so sorry you are struggling. Sending you a massive hug. You absolutely made the right decision. 100%. You said in another thread that the seizure had caused blindness, deafness and paralysis. In your heart you know he couldn’t have gone on like this. And you and he wouldn’t have wanted that. He had 16 years of a wonderful, fantastic life. I’m sure he was the centre of your house and was loved every minute of it. You should be proud of the decision you made. He would thank you for ending his suffering. It’s hard. It’s sad. It’s awful. But this is the price we have to pay for loving so deeply. ❤️

Please look after yourself. X
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Yes the seizure took his sight, hearing and although he could stand briefly he couldn't walk. There was no response when I waved in front of his eyes or clicked by his ears.

I guess this feeling is just all the love I had for him now has nowhere to go.

I appreciate your constant reassurances. ❤️
 
Hannah_xx said:
I’m so sorry you’re struggling with guilt and grief. It’s so hard not to think about the ‘what ifs’. I’m always struck with terrible guilt when having to say goodbye to a pet as well.
But I always try and tell myself that I made that decision because it felt right at the time. And what felt right at the time is always the correct decision.

Thinking of you :luv:
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It's the 1st time I've ever had to make the decision and although it was 100% in his best interests to send him for his forever sleep it still feels like torture.

I just need to remind myself of the 15 years I had with him and he wouldn't have lived so long without proper love and care ❤️

Thank you.
 
I had to let my beloved rabbit Patch go almost a year ago. He would have turned 10 years old at the beginning of this year. To have a pet with you for so long and then just not be there is hard but I knew he had a fantastic life and was well loved. Letting him go when he needed to was the last act of love I could do for him. Doesn’t make the pain any less but I know it was the right thing for him.
 
Lady Kelly said:
Huge hugs to you. There is always what it's, whichever way you would have decided you would be torturing yourself with the other option and should you have done it. It is all part of the grief process sadly which means it's hard but perfectly normal. Are you aware of the helpline you can call for pet bereavement?
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I've just seen it now, thank you. I will keep that in mind if I don't start to pull myself together the next few days.

I think I will feel better when his ashes are home and he's back with us ❤️
 
Piggies&buns said:
I had to let my beloved rabbit Patch go almost a year ago. He would have turned 10 years old at the beginning of this year. To have a pet with you for so long and then just not be there is hard but I knew he had a fantastic life and was well loved. Letting him go when he needed to was the last act of love I could do for him. Doesn’t make the pain any less but I know it was the right thing for him.
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That's it, although we know it's the right thing it's torterous. Sorry to hear about Patch ❤️
 
It's so hard to give your final act of love to your beloved pet. No matter that you know its the right decision, you sign that paperwork and feel you have "killed" your pet. You haven't. What you have done is ended the suffering you know your pet would have had. The love we have for our pets means that sometimes we have to send them on their final journey with love in their hearts having had a life well lived and lots of happy todays.
 
Betsy said:
It's so hard to give your final act of love to your beloved pet. No matter that you know its the right decision, you sign that paperwork and feel you have "killed" your pet. You haven't. What you have done is ended the suffering you know your pet would have had. The love we have for our pets means that sometimes we have to send them on their final journey with love in their hearts having had a life well lived and lots of happy todays.
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You're right, that's exactly how I feel. Although I know in my heart I don't it because I know that was in his best interest and I didn't want him to suffer I'm still questioning myself.

I really appreciate all the support and reassurance on here. You're a lovely bunch ❤️
 
Unfortunately there is no way to circumvent the grieving process. And questioning yourself is a very natural part of grieving. You made the toughest decision out of immense love for him. Sometimes you have to love them enough to let them go. Try to remember him as he was at his most glorious best, and not how he was at the end. He had a wonderful life with you. Remember that when times are tough x
 
Panto was clearly very loved and cared for, and now this love has no where to go.
What you are feeling is real and very valid. Feel the emotions and cry or scream as much as you need to, this is your time. He was taken away from you and you aren’t/weren’t ready to let go.

This is all I could do when I lost my grandfather, it was the only way to express the hole that had been made in my heart.

I am sorry to say this but from what I can tell it seems you ‘held his hand’ as he crossed the bridge, rather than ‘making’ him cross the bridge. This may not be much help but I would have made the same decision.

Be kind to yourself x
 
VickiA said:
Unfortunately there is no way to circumvent the grieving process. And questioning yourself is a very natural part of grieving. You made the toughest decision out of immense love for him. Sometimes you have to love them enough to let them go. Try to remember him as he was at his most glorious best, and not how he was at the end. He had a wonderful life with you. Remember that when times are tough x
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Thank you so much. Your words mean a lot and are really comforting. ❤️
 
piggl said:
Panto was clearly very loved and cared for, and now this love has no where to go.
What you are feeling is real and very valid. Feel the emotions and cry or scream as much as you need to, this is your time. He was taken away from you and you aren’t/weren’t ready to let go.

This is all I could do when I lost my grandfather, it was the only way to express the hole that had been made in my heart.

I am sorry to say this but from what I can tell it seems you ‘held his hand’ as he crossed the bridge, rather than ‘making’ him cross the bridge. This may not be much help but I would have made the same decision.

Be kind to yourself x
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I really did hold his hand as he crossed the bridge ❤️ and I sobbed into his neck and told him I loved him. IMG_20230617_073737.webp
What makes it even harder is my dad passed away on 17th June last year and Panto passed 17th June this year 💔
 
Jenni85 said:
I really did hold his hand as he crossed the bridge ❤️ and I sobbed into his neck and told him I loved him. View attachment 227008
What makes it even harder is my dad passed away on 17th June last year and Panto passed 17th June this year 💔
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That is really tough, I am sorry to hear that.
He passed with the people/person who loved him the most, and I can not imagine how loved and safe he felt in that moment.
 
I feel your pain, I am waiting for confirmation from tests to see if my dog has lymphoma, I will potentially have the same decision to make in time not too far away. You made the best decision for him, it's about quality of life and in the end you've loved him and given him a chance that he might not have had all those years ago, the kindest but absolute hardest gift at the end is to let them go. ♥️💔♥️
 
Spaghetti & Noodles said:
I feel your pain, I am waiting for confirmation from tests to see if my dog has lymphoma, I will potentially have the same decision to make in time not too far away. You made the best decision for him, it's about quality of life and in the end you've loved him and given him a chance that he might not have had all those years ago, the kindest but absolute hardest gift at the end is to let them go. ♥️💔♥️
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I'm so sorry you and your dog are going through that. These furbabies sure do have a hold on our hearts ❤️

I'm keeping everything crossed that the results come back negative. How old is your dog?
 
Jenni85 said:
I'm so sorry you and your dog are going through that. These furbabies sure do have a hold on our hearts ❤️

I'm keeping everything crossed that the results come back negative. How old is your dog?
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Thank you for your kind words, he is only 10 so not old, I've suspected for a few weeks he is unwell but couldn't give any specific symptoms, he just seemed off, he went for routine vaccinations and they did a health check and didn't find pain on physical exam, listened to his heart and chest, gut etc all sounded ok, so we went ahead and booked in for a dental as that really needed doing but when they went to put the tube in for the anaesthetic they found his lymph nodes were enlarged so took a sample and now I'm just waiting to hear. Now I know they are up I can feel them and a few other symptoms now fit, best case scenario they are up and it was linked to his teeth some sort of infection, worst case is lymphoma. Unfortunately my back ground (before children) was veterinary nursing, knowledge isn't always a good thing 🙁
Apologies for derailing your thread.
 
Spaghetti & Noodles said:
Thank you for your kind words, he is only 10 so not old, I've suspected for a few weeks he is unwell but couldn't give any specific symptoms, he just seemed off, he went for routine vaccinations and they did a health check and didn't find pain on physical exam, listened to his heart and chest, gut etc all sounded ok, so we went ahead and booked in for a dental as that really needed doing but when they went to put the tube in for the anaesthetic they found his lymph nodes were enlarged so took a sample and now I'm just waiting to hear. Now I know they are up I can feel them and a few other symptoms now fit, best case scenario they are up and it was linked to his teeth some sort of infection, worst case is lymphoma. Unfortunately my back ground (before children) was veterinary nursing, knowledge isn't always a good thing 🙁
Apologies for derailing your thread.
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Don't worry at all, pour it all out 💔

Yes, I suppose you're right regarding the veterinary nursing knowledge. Do you have an estimate for when his test results will be back?

Big hugs to you X
 
I'm glad you feel a little better today. These things take time but I do hope that soon you will be able to look back on your boy with a smile, remembering happy times and the great life he had.
 
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