What the...

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Ali-1991

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down.
(well... a bit late don't you think!)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
what!... seriously!?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought?...)

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Dam it! That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of crisps-- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On some frozen ready meals -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion right?...)

On packaging for a iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because?....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts."

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (Oh my God..was this actually happenin somewhere!?)

On a Packet of cigarettes -- "Smoking is highly addictive, dont start." (Well its a bit late for that if you've gone and bought a pack isn't it?!?!)
 
heehee :p I was laughing my arse off! and my mum was like "what you laughing at!" ahahha
 
LOL ;D I've read those before, I think they may be a few more too but I can't remember them
 
I heard another one about a dog blanket that said on the label "remove dog before washing blanket" - W-T-F!! haha what person in their right mind would put that on a label! it's commen sense!
 
You ruined my mascara! Tears were streaming down my face - thanks you certainly brightened my day ;D
Nicky xx
 
♥Ali-loves-piggies♥ said:
On packaging for a iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
Click to expand...

My friend once ironed her clothes whilst she was wearing them, so maybe this isn't such a stupid one after all ;D
 
and here are some more


On a pushchair: "Remove child before folding".

On a packet of condoms: "Do not drive whilst using this product"

On a bottle of bathroom cleaner: "For best results start with a clean bathtub before use"

On a Korean kitchen knife: "Please keep out of children"

On a curling iron: "Do not curl eye lashes, may cause serious eye injury

On a blanket from Taiwan: "Not to be used as protection from a Tornado"

On a container of salt: "WARNING! High in Sodium"

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
(Mirror -vs- Glass: people don't know the difference?)

On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
(brain damage?)

On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
(Then what? Tested on humans?)

In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

DO NOT use for drying pets [on a microwave oven]

DO NOT use as an ice cream topping [on a bottle of hair dye]

NOT dishwasher safe [on a TV remote control]

NOT to be used for drying hair [on a blowtorch]

DO NOT attempt to swallow [on a mattress]

DO NOT use under water [on a toaster]

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. (which is a plane)

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

;D 98)
 
i have one too...sorry to hjack the post. ::)


Your standing at the bus stop and someone comes up to you and goes. "Has the bus come yet?"
Well if it had, i wouldnt be standing here would i !?
 
it is true, i was standin at the bus stop waiting for the skwl bus to arrive.
and this kid in my class comes up to me asking "asking as the bus come up yet?"
well if it had i wouldnt be at the stop now would i ? ::)
 
Regarding the bus thing I live out of town as I live in a village and everyone often asks me if I've seen the 20 - it's not even my bus and yet everyone always ask if I've seen it. Do I 20 spot?

I only have one bus service that comes through my village an hour.
 
vikki2203 said:
DO NOT use for drying pets [on a microwave oven]
Click to expand...

Would you believe it, once there was a case where a woman left her cat out in the rain and popped him into a microwave to dry him off! they were only just out recently at the time. Obviously the cat died and she sued the company for not warning her and she won the case!
since that, all appliances are legally obliged to put warnings on their boxes, but most of them are pretty stupid! i mean, "do not use orally on a loo brush"? wtf ;D
 
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!


5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
 
That was in a email i got a couple of days ago lol
This should be a jokes page!

OFFICALLY A JOKES PAGE
 
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