Union for the Preservation of our Lino and Plastic Rights

[KHBz]

Dear Fellow Guinea Pigs,

I am addressing you today from my balcony so that you may better hear what I have to say and see the authority with which I say it. For I urge you all to join with me in forming a Union for the Protection and Preservation of our Lino and Plastic Rights: UPLAPR. It is of increasing concern to me that I, and countless others, are being deprived of our right to tear up, and eat, lino. I have no doubt that you will all concur with me and recognise the injustice, so let me present to you my case. The elderly-mother slave has moved us to our outside hutch and this is all well and good but it does mean that the ramp hole to our terrace below is covered at night and only drawn back in the morning after an incarceration of 12 hours (12 hours, I say!) When the cover is lifted back, however, there it is: the Lino flooring beautifully exposed along the hole's edge, all for my delight and delectation. Oh, the intense joy of it! A Lino so exquisitely delicious, to be pulled and nibbled and torn and eaten.

But listen: on the first day the elderly-mother slave shoved my nose away as I had barely begun to taste the delicacy. (Yes, shoved! Not the gentle gesture she claims.) The second day, the big-daughter slave executed the same brutal shove but, oh, how valiantly I fought back. Like a lion cub, she later said, as I twisted and turned, pushing with my limbs and butting with my head. She was in awe of my strength but even this, sadly, was to no avail. The third day came. Now it was my favourite slave, the mini-daughter. She would surely respect my rights. But no. She shoved with such brutality that my patience was too sorely tested. I bit her. Yes, bit her. Really hard. Not a nip, oh no. I left quite a dent in her nail, I am pleased to say, still there to this hour. But do you know what she did next: she tried to pretend she was leader of the pack, repeatedly pushing my chin up. As if! My authority and status must be clear to you all as I here make my stand from the pulpit of my balcony.

So hear me now. I urge you to rise up with me to protect our true and just Lino and Plastic Rights. Whether it be Lino or Dustpans or Plastic tunnels, we need to make our voices heard. UPLAPR.

Your Ferocious Friend,

Bianca

(with my side-kick to my left: Ophelia)

 

[Swissgreys]

Dear Bianca,

I hear you about the grave injustice you are suffering in your life.

I myself have never had the good fortune to taste this delicacy known as lino, and I shall give the big slave a quick nip at the very next opportunity to punish her for not sharing this special treat with me.

However I also feel your pain - I am told off every single time I try to nibble the rubber end of the dust pan while she is sweeping out my cage. Apparently eating this is not 'helpful' which clearly shows how little she knows.

I wish you strength and success in your ongoing battle with your slaves.
They can be so troublesome, and you are an angel for putting up with such difficulties.

Love Ruby xx

 

[KHBz]

Oh Ruby, I knew I could count on your support. I am, it has to be said, horrified that your Big Slave has not let you have so much as a whiff of lino. Such neglect. And then to tell you off when she flaunts rubber in front of you, whilst pretending to be cleaning for your benefit! But has your one and only Beloved Daughter Slave ever betrayed you in the heinous fashion with which mine has? Have you ever had to sink your teeth into her?

It is my second birthday tomorrow. I trust that my slaves have now realised the error of their ways and will apologise by giving me a roll of lino garnished with glue.

 

[Bill & Ted]

Happy Birthday for tomorrow, we hope you get your Lino. When Kiki and I are out in the lounge we like nothing better than a crafty nibble of slaves rug! We also like the back of one of her speakers, that false wood it very tasty Of course we get chased off these delicacies by slave!
Kiki and Hector

 

[KHBz]

Kiki and Hector, why are slaves so unreasonable? I swear they are all in cahoots on this forum, limiting our pellets so severely that we need to supplement our diets with flooring and furniture. And then they try to deny us even these simple (delicious) plastic pleasures.

 

[Bill & Ted]

Kiki and Hector, why are slaves so unreasonable? I swear they are all in cahoots on this forum, limiting our pellets so severely that we need to supplement our diets with flooring and furniture. And then they try to deny us even these simple (delicious) plastic pleasures.

We agree! We are left nibbling the cage bars or those nice little bits of plastic around the cage, it’s criminal!

 

[Viennese Furbabies]

Dear Bianca,
I can't believe we have never even heard of the delicacy lino before. And our slave thinks that she is well informed about our nutritional needs.
They know so little and think that they know so much.

We hope you get a good bite of lino for your birthday! Maybe you can post a little bit of it for us to try.

Stand up for your rights, fellow sufferer!
Billie

 

[KHBz]

I appreciate your support, Billie, and fully intend to send all those who have taken a stand here with me a party bag filled with assorted lino nibbles. My personal favourite is one that is the colour of clotted cream with subtle glints of silver and turquoise sparkle scattered here and there. For not only am I feisty but sophisticated. My twin, whose birthday, coincidentally, is also tomorrow, prefers courgette.

 

[Mother Hubbard]

Dear Fellow Guinea Pigs,

I am addressing you today from my balcony so that you may better hear what I have to say and see the authority with which I say it. For I urge you all to join with me in forming a Union for the Protection and Preservation of our Lino and Plastic Rights: UPLAPR. It is of increasing concern to me that I, and countless others, are being deprived of our right to tear up, and eat, lino. I have no doubt that you will all concur with me and recognise the injustice, so let me present to you my case. The elderly-mother slave has moved us to our outside hutch and this is all well and good but it does mean that the ramp hole to our terrace below is covered at night and only drawn back in the morning after an incarceration of 12 hours (12 hours, I say!) When the cover is lifted back, however, there it is: the Lino flooring beautifully exposed along the hole's edge, all for my delight and delectation. Oh, the intense joy of it! A Lino so exquisitely delicious, to be pulled and nibbled and torn and eaten.

But listen: on the first day the elderly-mother slave shoved my nose away as I had barely begun to taste the delicacy. (Yes, shoved! Not the gentle gesture she claims.) The second day, the big-daughter slave executed the same brutal shove but, oh, how valiantly I fought back. Like a lion cub, she later said, as I twisted and turned, pushing with my limbs and butting with my head. She was in awe of my strength but even this, sadly, was to no avail. The third day came. Now it was my favourite slave, the mini-daughter. She would surely respect my rights. But no. She shoved with such brutality that my patience was too sorely tested. I bit her. Yes, bit her. Really hard. Not a nip, oh no. I left quite a dent in her nail, I am pleased to say, still there to this hour. But do you know what she did next: she tried to pretend she was leader of the pack, repeatedly pushing my chin up. As if! My authority and status must be clear to you all as I here make my stand from the pulpit of my balcony.

So hear me now. I urge you to rise up with me to protect our true and just Lino and Plastic Rights. Whether it be Lino or Dustpans or Plastic tunnels, we need to make our voices heard. UPLAPR.

Your Ferocious Friend,

Bianca

(with my side-kick to my left: Ophelia)View attachment 181242

Best read - loved it.

 

[Merab]

Brilliant - this is so funny

Happy birthday Bianca and Ophelia

 

[Viennese Furbabies]

I appreciate your support, Billie, and fully intend to send all those who have taken a stand here with me a party bag filled with assorted lino nibbles. My personal favourite is one that is the colour of clotted cream with subtle glints of silver and turquoise sparkle scattered here and there. For not only am I feisty but sophisticated. My twin, whose birthday, coincidentally, is also tomorrow, prefers courgette.

We are looking forward to it.
Hope you had a great birthday with a lot of things to nibble on.

 

[KHBz]

Well, the two of us are now two.

My birthday did not begin well, however. There was no roll of lino. No glue. Worse, my bestest source of secret sparkle Lino, kept hidden beneath some fleece, was discovered by Old-Mother slave. Now, it has to be said, these slaves are really very stupid indeed and she must be the stupidest of them all. It has taken her days, if not weeks, to find it (I have eaten loads!), and then she begins to flap and groan and accuse me of being 'a little monkey'! Do I look like a monkey? Really? And if I'm a little monkey, where's the banana that all you lucky piggies get? And things just went from worse to worser as she hauled us back into our run in the shed, under some pretence of an imminent storm, where there is not a single scrap, not a scrap, of lino. And this was meant to be my birthday!

But some good did come of yesterday's rhetoric. Favourite Mini-Daughter slave had clearly listened when I pointed out that severe pellet deprivation forces us all to supplement our diets with flooring and furnishings, for she had made me a nugget cake! She even put it on a plastic plate out of respect. So here it is: upon a base of mushed nuggets are slices of courgette punctuated with sweetcorn kernels, then cucumber, sprigs of coriander and dill, and, to top it all, two pepper candles, one red, one green, each carved into the shape of a 2, and all presented within a halo dried roses (I am, after all, 'angelic', as Ruby so perceptively states.)





It was Ophelia's birthday too but I am sorry to say that she is not good at sharing. She made off with the best bit, the red-pepper number 2, first scuttling backwards until she was facing the opening of our log tunnel, then shooting forwards straight through it, and on into the corner house at the end of the run. Bottom sticking out of the door, as it always does, she scoffed the whole candle.



And then the courgette. As I said, she is hooked on courgette: grab, hide, furtive gobble. She thinks I don't know.


So what can a girl do ...



... but hold that plastic plate down as best she can ...



... and plant her paw firmly in the squelchy yummy nuggets.



So, in the end, it was a nice birthday.



Ophelia liked it too.

With a nice full tummy,

a happier Bianca

xx

 

[Viennese Furbabies]

What a great birthday present - apart from the lino part.
I want to complain officially that we never get birthday cakes like this.
Does anyone know where I can report this enormous case of neglect?
A slightly envious Billie

 

[KHBz]

We are looking forward to it.
Hope you had a great birthday with a lot of things to nibble on.

The Old Mother slave neglected to give us party bags, withheld Lino and told me off, and even begrudged us our nugget cake, muttering nonsense about bless-our-little-tummies and taking it off us before we had finished. Thank goodness for Favourite Mini-Slave. She has saved us the last bit, carefully covering it with cling film, and totally ignoring that Mother's instruction to put it in the bin.

 

[KHBz]

What a great birthday present - apart from the lino part.
I want to complain officially that we never get birthday cakes like this.
Does anyone know where I can report this enormous case of neglect?
A slightly envious Billie

I sympathise with your plight. I do think there is an awful lot of neglect going on at the hands of the slaves of this forum. They collude. I am sure of it.

 

[Merab]

Well, the two of us are now two.

My birthday did not begin well, however. There was no roll of lino. No glue. Worse, my bestest source of secret sparkle Lino, kept hidden beneath some fleece, was discovered by Old-Mother slave. Now, it has to be said, these slaves are really very stupid indeed and she must be the stupidest of them all. It has taken her days, if not weeks, to find it (I have eaten loads!), and then she begins to flap and groan and accuse me of being 'a little monkey'! Do I look like a monkey? Really? And if I'm a little monkey, where's the banana that all you lucky piggies get? And things just went from worse to worser as she hauled us back into our run in the shed, under some pretence of an imminent storm, where there is not a single scrap, not a scrap, of lino. And this was meant to be my birthday!

But some good did come of yesterday's rhetoric. Favourite Mini-Daughter slave had clearly listened when I pointed out that severe pellet deprivation forces us all to supplement our diets with flooring and furnishings, for she had made me a nugget cake! She even put it on a plastic plate out of respect. So here it is: upon a base of mushed nuggets are slices of courgette punctuated with sweetcorn kernels, then cucumber, sprigs of coriander and dill, and, to top it all, two pepper candles, one red, one green, each carved into the shape of a 2, and all presented within a halo dried roses (I am, after all, 'angelic', as Ruby so perceptively states.)

View attachment 181378

View attachment 181379

It was Ophelia's birthday too but I am sorry to say that she is not good at sharing. She made off with the best bit, the red-pepper number 2, first scuttling backwards until she was facing the opening of our log tunnel, then shooting forwards straight through it, and on into the corner house at the end of the run. Bottom sticking out of the door, as it always does, she scoffed the whole candle.

View attachment 181380

And then the courgette. As I said, she is hooked on courgette: grab, hide, furtive gobble. She thinks I don't know.

View attachment 181382
So what can a girl do ...

View attachment 181383

... but hold that plastic plate down as best she can ...

View attachment 181384

... and plant her paw firmly in the squelchy yummy nuggets.

View attachment 181385

So, in the end, it was a nice birthday.

View attachment 181387

Ophelia liked it too.

With a nice full tummy,

a happier Bianca

xx

This post deserves a laugh as well as a love
Glad you had a nice 2nd birthday beautiful girls