Terrible situation

Ritika

Ritika

Adult Guinea Pig
Joined
Nov 6, 2019
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Location
India
Hey Guys
Hope you're doing well
I am writing this here because I have no one else to talk about this to
I have been in a really toxic relationship its a long long story where i have been mentally, physically and financially abused.
So as you guys know how much I love my guinea pigs and how much i loved the ones that passed away, my partner knows they mean the world to me. I got some guinea pig teddies with me where i currently am to make me feel happy and they look identical to my piggies back home in india. I was talking to my family back home cause my dad has cancer biopsy in next 6 hours. My partner wanted to check my phone and didn't liked the fact that i was talking to my family and not giving him my phone to check. He went ahead, spat on my guinea pig teddies, took out a picture of my recently deceased piggy who passed away 2 weeks ago and I am still grieving his death, took his picture out and made fun of it and threw it away, and told me laughing- "u know what the funny thing is? the death of your pet"...... it has completely shattered me. I dont know if anyone will understand how it feels. I feel like i hurt my rainbow bridge piggy and that I am not a good person.
I absolutely love my piggies. They are the best thing that ever happened to me in my life and I really hope one day I ll see them again.
 
Hi. I wanted to offer support. I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years with a Moroccan. I was continually belittled, gaslighted, and controlled.

It wasn't until we lived together in France that the situation got out of control. I finally realized I was being abused and called an abuse hotline back in the USA where I'm from. They explained all his behaviors to me, that he was being nice sometimes to get me hooked in the relationship, that he was taking videos of me crying to use them against me, that he would never change.

Is there any way you could safely call one of these hotlines or some kind of SOS hotline in your area to talk to a professional?

I wish you the best.
 
Ramia said:
Hi. I wanted to offer support. I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years with a Moroccan. I was continually belittled, gaslighted, and controlled.

It wasn't until we lived together in France that the situation got out of control. I finally realized I was being abused and called an abuse hotline back in the USA where I'm from. They explained all his behaviors to me, that he was being nice sometimes to get me hooked in the relationship, that he was taking videos of me crying to use them against me, that he would never change.

Is there any way you could safely call one of these hotlines or some kind of SOS hotline in your area to talk to a professional?

I wish you the best.
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I actually have called many dv hotlines, cops have been here twice.
I am international student in australia, my partner threatens me hes gonna ruin my life if i take any step against him
I am too scared, he says he's gonna show the cops that i m not mentally okay and get back at me
 
Do you live together? Unfortunately I can't offer professional advice but would contact another hotline to ask how you can safely leave the situation.
 
Ramia said:
Do you live together? Unfortunately I can't offer professional advice but would contact another hotline to ask how you can safely leave the situation.
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yes we do live together its been 1.5 yrs now
 
There might be a place for you to stay at a center for abused women who have lawyers working for them if you're worried about housing. Please give the hotline another chance.
 
I am very sorry for the situation you are in 😞 Your partner is nothing but an abusive bully and you need to end the relationship before he seriously hurts you whether that be mentally or physically

I would consider reaching out to a women’s refuge who will make sure you’re safe (((hugs))) I know it isn’t easy x
 
Claire W said:
I am very sorry for the situation you are in 😞 Your partner is nothing but an abusive bully and you need to end the relationship before he seriously hurts you whether that be mentally or physically

I would consider reaching out to a women’s refuge who will make sure you’re safe (((hugs))) I know it isn’t easy x
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It just hurts me, he saw nothing hurts me anymore i mean it does but i dont show it and now he took it and made fun of my late piggies which he knew i was still grieving and he took the opportunity to get back at me with it
 
BIG HUGS

Your partner is a controlling, abusive, psychopathic person who is using your guinea pigs to get at you. Please do not feel guilty about your piggies because you have only given them love and have never failed them. Make sure that you remove anything guinea pig related out of his reach and ideally remove yourself from this situation. It is only going to get worse and escalate. I really wouldn't like you to become yet another statistic of domestic violence fatalities. I understand that you want to wait until you have news about your dad because when you leave you will have to ditch your phone and cut contact with your family and friends for while so your abuser cannot trace you.

Please seek help from the helpline. If you could use somebody else's phone to do so, even better.
 
Hello,

Does your partner know you're on the guinea pig forum? If so, please tag a Moderator such as @BossHogg to get the post deleted for your own safety, especially seeing as your partner has access to your phone.

If you're studying at a university, a good place to start may be reaching out to your university safeguarding team.

I would always encourage you to go straight to the police (although I understand the barriers you may face regarding this, particularly if previous experiences with the police haven't improved your situation).

Domestic Violence in the UK (including Coercive and Controlling Behaviour) is taken incredibly seriously- I'm sure the same is true in Australia.

I can't point you to Australia-specific resources, but in the UK the following organisations are very well respected:
The National Centre for Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence & Abuse · Emergency Injunction Service
Women's Aid
Home - Women's Aid
Refuge
Refuge, the largest UK domestic abuse organisation for women

Please reach out to the police or a supportive organisation- they can help you make safety plans if you choose to leave, and help you apply for protective measures such as non-molestation orders and restraining orders (or their equivalents in Australia), not to mention take legal action against your partner.

If you can safely access a doctor or medical professional, they are trained to help victims of domestic abuse too- it's not just the police.

We all know how much you love your guinea pigs here- what your partner does to you is manipulative and abusive. You don't have to live like this.

If ever you need, please feel free to send me a private message- I can point you in the right direction for finding support, and help you make referrals if need be.

Please prioritise your own safety, and seek the support of the police or other organisation before making any big decisions such as choosing to leave, so that they can protect you.
 
Sending huge hugs to you and your piggies. I would try find a place of safety for you and your piggies, start with the welfare team at your university, they should be able to help find a safe place to stay. This man is an abusive bully, they NEVER change, no matter how sorry he may tell you, these men are vile, you are better than that, get out while you can, things will only escalate the longer you stay with him. Good luck
 
You have my deepest sympathy.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is very difficult but for your own safety and wellbeing it’s important.
The university and a women’s refuge are both good places to start.
Holding you in my heart ♥️
 
Please get in touch with the DV charities again and get some help with an exit plan. Do not say anything to your partner just get a plan in place and get out of there asap.
I know it's not that easy, I have been in a controlling and abusive relationship before. It sneaks up on you and zaps away your confidence. It's not easy to walk away but you are worthwhile. You are worthy of love and care. You are worthy of respect.
 
From personal experience I know that these people never change. They actively work on finding new and interesting ways to make you unhappy. I'm 13 years out of that marriage but I'm still affected as I stayed for 20 years.
It's not your fault and you are not imagining it despite what you are being told. You DO deserve better.
A relationship is supposed to be with someone who makes you feel happy, safe and good about yourself.
 
ScrufflesRules said:
Hello,

Does your partner know you're on the guinea pig forum? If so, please tag a Moderator such as @BossHogg to get the post deleted for your own safety, especially seeing as your partner has access to your phone.

If you're studying at a university, a good place to start may be reaching out to your university safeguarding team.

I would always encourage you to go straight to the police (although I understand the barriers you may face regarding this, particularly if previous experiences with the police haven't improved your situation).

Domestic Violence in the UK (including Coercive and Controlling Behaviour) is taken incredibly seriously- I'm sure the same is true in Australia.

I can't point you to Australia-specific resources, but in the UK the following organisations are very well respected:
The National Centre for Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence & Abuse · Emergency Injunction Service
Women's Aid
Home - Women's Aid
Refuge
Refuge, the largest UK domestic abuse organisation for women

Please reach out to the police or a supportive organisation- they can help you make safety plans if you choose to leave, and help you apply for protective measures such as non-molestation orders and restraining orders (or their equivalents in Australia), not to mention take legal action against your partner.

If you can safely access a doctor or medical professional, they are trained to help victims of domestic abuse too- it's not just the police.

We all know how much you love your guinea pigs here- what your partner does to you is manipulative and abusive. You don't have to live like this.

If ever you need, please feel free to send me a private message- I can point you in the right direction for finding support, and help you make referrals if need be.

Please prioritise your own safety, and seek the support of the police or other organisation before making any big decisions such as choosing to leave, so that they can protect you.
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Thats the only good thing he doesn't know about this forum or that i m on it. i delete my history everytime i use any resource that I know might be a problem if he sees it.
I have already been with the dv helpline contact and already have a a safety plan in place. The cops are already on my side as I have many pictures of bruises on my body and voice recordings of personal threats such as-" I ll make sure your rotten dead body doesn't gets sent back to India" I am really scared about my life and my family is worried as well. We are just waiting for the right moment to vanish and disappear but its not easy when your an international student and u just can't vanish like that knowing your visa conditions.
I am planning to find a place soon but as I am currently on hospital placements i really dont have the time or the courage to do so but i have asked someone to look a place for me.
Its very scary when u know what the other person is capable of and has already done crimes before and doesn't give a about their life.
 
Ritika said:
Thats the only good thing he doesn't know about this forum or that i m on it. i delete my history everytime i use any resource that I know might be a problem if he sees it.
I have already been with the dv helpline contact and already have a a safety plan in place. The cops are already on my side as I have many pictures of bruises on my body and voice recordings of personal threats such as-" I ll make sure your rotten dead body doesn't gets sent back to India" I am really scared about my life and my family is worried as well. We are just waiting for the right moment to vanish and disappear but its not easy when your an international student and u just can't vanish like that knowing your visa conditions.
I am planning to find a place soon but as I am currently on hospital placements i really dont have the time or the courage to do so but i have asked someone to look a place for me.
It’s very scary when u know what the other person is capable of and has already done crimes before and doesn't give a about their life.
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You are in my thoughts, I understand what you are going through. My Mum and me lived through the same situation for many, many years. Eventually we managed to leave when I was 16, we were frightened for our lives. Do get away as soon as you can, these people sap your strength, confidence and also manage to turn the blame on you, their abuse and blows are never their fault. There is a wonderful life waiting for you
Take care :hug:
 
I'm sorry you're going through this awful situation, you are a wonderful caring and valuable person and deserve much better. I hope you can get help and find somewhere to escape to very soon. Maybe one of the Australian members could point you in the direction of a women's refuge or safe temporary accommodation, which bit of Australia are you in? :hug:
 
Qualcast&Flymo said:
I'm sorry you're going through this awful situation, you are a wonderful caring and valuable person and deserve much better. I hope you can get help and find somewhere to escape to very soon. Maybe one of the Australian members could point you in the direction of a women's refuge or safe temporary accommodation, which bit of Australia are you in? :hug:
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I am in Gold coast, as much as I have talked to dv connects, they don't have any accommodations with them they do but its more for like a day or two kind of thing. I also have the option to go to my university but the problem is he knows where i study in uni, he knows my workplace, he literally knows everything and will it up for me if i try vanish.
 
Ritika said:
I am in Gold coast, as much as I have talked to dv connects, they don't have any accommodations with them they do but its more for like a day or two kind of thing. I also have the option to go to my university but the problem is he knows where i study in uni, he knows my workplace, he literally knows everything and will it up for me if i try vanish.
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HUGS
I am very sorry but his control is going to get stronger, not less. You will have to make the break before his control becomes total. And the break needs to be complete; once and for all. You need to be strong and never give in but you can become free again.

All the best. My thoughts are with you.
 
Can the police get a banning order on him. The trouble is these things are so much easier said than done. My father had restraining order but he then pursued my grandparents, aunts and uncles so my mother would return back home as he caused so much trouble and upset for them. Is there any chance you could transfer to another uni with your existing universities help? I would definitely try get help from them, they do have a duty of care for overseas students
 
Here is a link to an Australian DV Support agency which covers 'safety planning'.
Safety planning
Leaving a relationship is often one of the most dangerous times for survivors of domestic abuse, so please talk with a charity/police before leaving.
In the meantime, here are some more 'safety planning' tips which are really important to read:
Safety planning checklist

Are there any friends/local rescues/vet surgeries who could help look after your guinea pigs for a short while if/when you leave?

Are any of your friends or neighbours aware of your situation?
 
ScrufflesRules said:
Here is a link to an Australian DV Support agency which covers 'safety planning'.
Safety planning
Leaving a relationship is often one of the most dangerous times for survivors of domestic abuse, so please talk with a charity/police before leaving.
In the meantime, here are some more 'safety planning' tips which are really important to read:
Safety planning checklist

Are there any friends/local rescues/vet surgeries who could help look after your guinea pigs for a short while if/when you leave?

Are any of your friends or neighbours aware of your situation?
Click to expand...
yes, it’s a good idea to tell neighbours of your situation, we had a key of one of our neighbours which we could use if needed. Do tell your close friends too. I bet he is a charmer though and it will be hard to convince some people but at least you will know the people you can rely on :hug:
 
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