Update: She died an hour ago. I feel horrible, I thought she was going to be ok. I hope she is happier now.
R.I.P Chicken Nugget
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HUGE HUGS
I am so very sorry. The live-born babies that are not making it are the always hardest deaths to cope with emotionally.
Please try to take comfort from the fact that Chicken Nuggets has known love and care in her short life and that you have truly done your best. There is nothing more you or your vet could have done in the face of a massive genetic birth defect. Her little life has meaning because of you.
Your current overwhelming feelings of failure and guilt are in fact an expression of your commitment and the depth of your love and are by no means a reflection of any actual mistakes. We all have them at the onset of the grieving process (only an owner who truly doesn't care won't) but they are so much stronger when you lose such an innocent, helpless little being in such traumtic circumstances. You were her true momma and you have given her the love she would have wanted.
You are welcome to post a tribute to beautiful little Chicken Nugget in our Rainbow Bridge section if you think it would help you to remember her formally and make her existence - and your desperate fight for it - count ; if or whenever it feels right for you. There is no obligation or time constraint. The section is simply there for all those who want to make use of it.
If you struggle for yourself and are unable to sleep properly, function or process, please seek help with a pet bereavement service in your country. Talking is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Our grieving guide will hopefully help you. It is sensitive but also very practical and contains more ways in which you can help yourself to absorb and process the traumatic events of the last 24 hours.
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children
PS: Please try to enjoy the rest of the baby family and their antics. They are the best antidote. The life-affirming joy doesn't take away anything from the pain of your loss; it just balances things out a little. As I know myself from bringing my wedding forward to fulfill my terminally ill dad's biggest wish from me (seeing me finally happily married), it is not quite easy to live with the extremes of happiness and grief at the same time but it is possible. You can find and draw strength and a kind of solace from watching her live on in her siblings and in seeing them thrive.