Hello Bilbo
First of all I would thank you not to call guinea pigs "obnoxious bags made out of fur" we are very cute and we like to be treated with respect. We are clearly the smarter than Hoomans as we have them wrapped around our little paws. There is a well know saying in the Piggy Kingdom that goes like this "Dogs have owners, Cats have staff and Guinea Pigs have Slaves" so that just proves what a superior species we are. We have trained them to answer our every wheak. We are sorry if this annoys you but we need to keep up the slave training as Hoomans are very stupid and they could forget to bring us our treats.
You seem very angry maybe you need to count to 10 then hopefully you will cool down, but you probably won't as you have to be kept at 75-95 degrees F. No wonder you are bad tempered being that hot all the time! To guinea pigs Leopard Geckos are weird looking creatures with no fur whatsoever that lick their own eyes and drop their tails when they feel threatened. If you drop your tail so readily, what is the point of having one? This further proves that guinea pigs are a superior species as we don't have tails to drop.
If there isn't one already, may I suggest you form an LPCC (Leopard Gecko Complaints Committee) and appoint yourself as Chairgecko as you seem to be quite capable of leading such a Committee.
As to annihilating our species, I think not. If my brothers and sisters need to wheek they need to wheek! You could always be moved to a different place.
Yours not giving into bully boys
The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
My apologies. I assumed you didn't have a brain, being bags made of fur, but I see my mistake. I have also trained my slave to feed me. All I have to do is tilt my head, open my eyes very wide, and absolutely shimmer with cuteness. Never fails, and I don't even make a sound. So what species do you think is superior......?
You think I lick my eyes?!?!? I lick my EYELIDS, to get DUST off them. I have eyes like hoomans. Also, I
have to be kept at 75-95 degrees F. I'm cold blooded, and don't have a fur coat! I don't mind this, though. Fur coats are very messy and are hard to take care of. You shed your fur EVERWHERE, I shed my skin in one piece and eat it. Very filling. As for my tail, I only drop it in emergencies when I have no other options. I store fat in it like a camel, I don't want to lose it! I will drop it if it my only choice. The predator will eat that instead of me. Then my tail will regrow. YOU don't even have a backup plan! That's why I will live to be 20 when you will drop dead at less than half that!
I may start a LPCC. Good idea. I don't mind the "guinea pigs" squeaking and "wheeking", but when I'm trying to sleep it's very annoying. Plus, I'm not a bully boy. I politely asked the "guinea pigs" to be quiet, and they ignored me. So I tried to go back to bed but couldn't sleep! That's when I contacted you in a bad mood. Sorry if I came across as unkind, but really! "Guinea pigs" need to take some quietness classes. I don't make sounds, unless I'm nervous. Then I will chirp. If I'm being attacked, I will hiss. That's it. I don't bite unless threatened, I have a set bathroom, I'm an expert at stalking prey and don't leave messes, and I don't mind being held. As a bonus, I'm adorable. Even people who hate reptiles admit leopard geckos are cute! We always smile, no matter what. So don't act as if we are gross. I can say upon close examination, you show some traces of cuteness, but not much. I think we can get along well though if I don't get woken up at odd hours of the day by "wheeking".
Sincerely,
Bilbo
