I missed it and she is dying

[Sgboyd]

I'm sorry this is long. I haven’t been here in a while due to life just being life and medical issues.

I have three guinea pigs. One is a Peruvian so super fluffy. I have had a series of health issues and have been feeding them, and doing the bare minimum as I try to get my health back. Some of my health issues are going to be permanent though and as I was trying to decide on re homing them, due to how big their cage is or down size the cage to a more manageable size, I was finally approved for a service dog.

They come as puppies though. And we start training with bonding, then they will begin training with me and the trainer. Ive noticed I have had a little more strength every day with the walks and forcing myself to tighten my abs during walks is helping with some of my back pain. I have lost so much muscle and activity endurance this past year, so this has been an unexpected benefit. But he has obviously taken a lot of time the past few weeks with potty training and acclimating. I have kept him out of their room as he is a dog and part husky and that is just a hunter drive that can’t be tamed if it manifests.

Last night I went in to feed them and noticed Seraphina limp. They usually are trying to climb to get to me for kisses and food when I go in, so this was absolutely new as even during the day she was active. I picked her up to realize she has lost a ton of weight. I don’t know if it was a malocclusion or the others were not letting her eat. I know she was really trying to eat when I gave critical care though, and I added vit c to her water because she seemed to be struggling to chew her bell peppers that I give frequently. I then, as gently as I could trimmed all her hair shorter so I could notice visible weight changes easier and to remove a couple mats that developed over the past few weeks.

Ive been trying to get her to eat all night off and on and she has just grown weaker. This last feeding you can see the light is leaving her eyes. I know it is coming soon. I feel absolutely horrible for missing this. Now I want to hold her and keep her close, but the puppy is absolutely jealous and howling every time I pick her up and I am scared that will traumatize her more than laying her in her cage with her sisters. When I tried to sit on the sofa to feed her it incited his hunter instinct and he tried to attack her, so I have to block him from the room while I feed her. He is just so LOUD.

Am I wrong for not holding her? She has refused the past two feedings. She is not lifting her head anymore. I had a pup go into cardiac arrest in my arms before. I had grabbed my stethoscope because she was pulling air into her lungs with every muscle in her body, and you could hear it but she had no heart beat and died within minutes. Seraphina has a heartbeat. It is weak. It is slowing. As is her breathing. And I don’t know how to keep her the most comfortable in what I know is going to be her final moments.

ER vet is well over an hour away and I cannot drive more than a few miles without getting dizzy so I was waiting until the vet opened this morning. It is not even 6 a.m. here in the US. I don’t think she is going to last long enough for them to open. I was going to get some sterile saline at the local pharmacy and do sub Q fluids when they opened to at least make sure she is hydrated while waiting on the vet to open. I don’t think she will survive even that long.

I'm sorry this is long. I am conflicted. I feel horrible. The other girls are American short hairs so i can tell by looking at them they are eating fine. I should have been cuddling them more these past few weeks. I would have noticed things. I just want to cry and give this prospective service pup back. I know he will be good for me, but I am blaming my distraction on missing this when I could have fixed it.

 

[Princess Dustmop]

Go easy on yourself. Guinea pigs hide their symptoms really, really well; it's their natural prey instinct. Honestly, even if you'd been cuddling her more, it may not have manifested noticeably much before when you discovered the issue as it was. Guinea pigs can go down hill quite quickly, and sometimes there's just very little that we can do. This is not your fault. It's no one's fault; it's just a very sad and unfortunate occurrence. Sneak some cuddles with her, keep her comfy, and make her as happy as you can. If she might not have much time left, spend it enjoying her rather than fretting.
Your health is important; you have to take care of you first. I know it's easy to look back and say, if this, then that or I should have this, or I would have that, but there's simply no knowing what would have change ... possibly nothing. Beating yourself up about this isn't going to help anything, so try not to play the game of what-ifs and if-onlys. Try not to place causality where none can be proven. Taking on this pup did not cause Seraphina to fall ill, and giving him back would not change current circumstances. Your well being, and by extension this pup, are not distractions; they are necessities. Don't be afraid to have a good cry and remember to take time for yourself; it's not selfish: taking care of you is the first step in taking care of the furry ones you're with.

I hope that you continue to see improvement from him and your health improves. Sending happier thoughts and feelings your way and cuddles to your pup and piggies.

 

[Sgboyd]

She refused another feeding. The pharmacy opens soon, but I honestly don’t think it will do anything at this point. Her breathing is even slower and more shallow. She is barely moving now. She won’t blink either. I held her until he started howling from the other room and Arwen (herd mate) was just staring at her, so I put her back in with her sisters and went to hush him again. I hope she can give her some comfort. Ive had piggies for years and this process never gets easy.

 

[weepweeps]

I’m so sorry you are unwell and now face losing a piggy. Sending you a big hug .

 

[Betsy]

So sorry you are feeling this way. It's not your fault that Seraphina has suddenly gone down hill and the Rainbow Bridge is calling her. As has already been said, Guinea Pigs hide their symptoms very well and it is not your fault. You have been ill yourself and concentrating on getting better.

 

[Sgboyd]

I took her to the vet as she was still alive, barely. Breathing was super slow. She could only move her eyelids by the time the opened. I wasn’t allowed back with her. I guess they didn’t think I could handle them giving her a shot in her heart. He doesn’t know I work in a Neuro trauma ICU turned overflow covid ICU. That would have been peaceful next to what Ive had to do in the name of keeping humans alive.

She is at peace now. I called my mom and had a good cry and texted my friend who was awake with me last night. I hate this part of having pets. It is harder when they aren’t a ripe old age. I am going to try and sleep a bit with the jealous puppy. Sir Patrick Stewart would be disappointed in his name sake last night. Yes, my puppy is named Sir Patrick Stewart, and it usually fits his personality well. He was just a tad egocentric last night.

 

[Siikibam]

I’m sorry she’s gone. You did what you could, that’s all any of us can do.

 

[Betsy]

You showed your final act of love for her. Sleep well and popcorn high over the Rainbow Bridge Seraphina. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Wheekallweek]

I'm so sorry RIP Seraphina

 

[weepweeps]

I’m so sorry. Take care

 

[Merab]

So very sorry for your loss.
Guinea pigs do hide illness very well so please don’t blame yourself.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.

Pleased to hear the news about your service dog. I love his name.
Sir Patrick is one of my favourite actors

 

[VickiA]

Go gently on yourself. Piggies hide their illnesses so well. Many of us have been caught out at some point. I’m so sorry that she has passed.

 

[Sgboyd]

So very sorry for your loss.
Guinea pigs do hide illness very well so please don’t blame yourself.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.

Pleased to hear the news about your service dog. I love his name.
Sir Patrick is one of my favourite actors

I’m trying. My head knows everything you are all telling me. It’s convincing my heart that is the problem.

Sir Patrick Stewart is one of my favorite humans. It started in college when we all assigned ourselves TNG characters as family members and Captain Picard was my dad. Ryker was my Uncle, and Will the annoying kid that was dating my friend. (We were weird but one of these crazies did go on to meet him several times and act in some fan films).

The man though is a wise sage that cares so deeply for others it overwhelms me when I see him in action.

As for his name sake, He likes to sit all stoic and dignified as I *knight* him with a back scratcher. I have a dream of introducing them and getting a photo of them together, but I would settle for an autographed photo with his latest foster dog.

He really is a good boy. He has spent today not insisting on going out (that did end in an accident) and just staying by me. I usually dont initiate walks but he lets me know and today I was intentional about it. Stress increases my pain so today has been rough, with meds running low and multiple ER trips including Seraphina, I'm having to stretch the meds so Ive been in a good amount of pain today. He laid on my chest all afternoon while I slept and the cat (who was never trained but still does it) that alerts to my panic attacks and migraines was curled up in my arms all day. They make a good therapy team.

Thank you for your kind words. You and everyone else. We will get through it. I may have to cry a few times though. I'm glad my mom actually answered the phone today. She usually doesn’t or gets off right away. But she let me have a wee sob, and it helped in the moment.