2 Ways of Coping
Expressing and processing your feelings
If you would like to speak about your feelings and would welcome the sympathy and support from other people who understand how much the loss of a beloved guinea pig can affect you, then you are always welcome to start a thread in our Guinea Pig or General Chat section.
Talking is the by far best thing you can do, in whichever form!
Writing and painting or expressing your feelings through music, dance, sports or crafting can also help.
Start a diary about your feelings if you don't have any understanding listeners and would rather not talk to stangers.
Write about all the little things that you are missing through the absence of your guinea pig and put down all your precious snatches of memories as they come to your mind, especially if you are inconsolable. You will hopefully find over time that your feelings change as you go through the grieving process; but also that there is much more left in your memories of your beloved piggy that can now no longer taken away from you!
You are most welcome to post a tribute to the guinea pig you have lost in our Rainbow Bridge section at any time, but it has to feel right for you, first and foremost.
We have got members who prefer to not post or even go there as they find it too upsetting.
Others feel that speaking about it and their loss is bringing them much needed relief.
Some prefer to wait until they have come to terms with the loss or have at least been able to accept it; sometimes several months later.
For another group, writing a full tribute with pictures and some special memories is in itself part of the coping process.
Sometimes members would like to set a memorial to long dead, but still much missed and loved guinea pigs of theirs.
We all grieve differently, but the section is there those that want to make use of it in whichever form at any point in time!
Rainbow Bridge Pets
If you find comfort and a measure of solace in poems expressing what you are going through, then you may find this link here helpful:
Permanent Thread for Rainbow Bridge Poems
Regaining your guinea pig
A dramatic and often traumatic death, especially if has happened as an emergency and was much more physical than you would ever have imagined can cause immense feelings of guilt or failure. This can obscure and taint the way you think about your guinea pig and how you remember it for a long time, and in some cases forever.
It is very important that you work to regain your precious memories of a loving bond and a happy life again. After all, it should be the longer life that you have shared and that has meant so much to you and has brought you so many special memories that should count in the long run and not any comparatively short period of illness or suffering or an untimely accident at the end!
Writing down all your memories as they come to you, the little and big ones can be part of this process. This way, they can't be taken away from you. You will also find that your beloved one is still very much there in your heart and mind, much more than you would expect! Balancing out the happy with the painful is also going to help you with processing your grief. You will find that your feelings will gradually change over time.
Collecting the photos, going through them and making an album, collage or having your favourite picture printed and framed can help you with regaining the happy memories at some stage, especially when they are overshadowed by a somewhat unhappy or traumatic demise.
But if it is still too painful for you to even look at any pictures or reminders, wait until you are ready for it whenever that is. Do not feel bad if your pain is too great for this for many months; it can easily happen with a special piggy of yours, as it has happened with mine.
It can catch you out, even when you brace for your loss, like it happened to me with my still most special piggy of all, Minx. It took me a full one and a half years to come to terms with her loss; mainly because at that time I had nobody to talk about to who would understand my grieving for a guinea pig - not even one that was more like a mini-dog following me around on my daily chores! Finding a place where I got this understanding (i.e. finding this forum) was the turning point at which I could finally accept her loss and make peace with it emotionally.
I have made the big mistake once of letting heart failure during an emergency eye removal operation taint the way I thought of my gentle Hafina for a long time because of my strong feelings of guilt and failure. In the end I felt like I had betrayed her twice - firstly by my guilt when in fact I was doing my best to give her a chance for a pain-free life and then again by depriving her off all the loving memories she deserved so much to remembered by.
That was when I started to realise just how vital it is that we care about how we want to ultimately remember a beloved one and do them justice. It is also important that we think about whether there is a legacy to carry into the future in any loss we experience.
In Hafina's case, her legacy for me is to not devalue a loving bond and a wonderful personality by making space for this aspect in my own grieving process.
My own tributes in the Rainbow Bridge, which involve looking through hundreds and thousand pictures and looking back through a life and all the precious memories have become my own way of giving any piggy of mine and my unique bond with them the counterbalance to my feelings of loss.
Incidentally, creating something positive as a result of my experiences over Hafina's loss has finally brought her back to me and I can now think of her with the warmth she deserves and without feeling shameful.
You will have to find your own way and medium through which you want to recover and ultimately cherish your good memories and the personality you love, whether it is through words, pictures, songs or an object. But I would like you to urge you to make the effort for the sake of the one you have loved, still love and will always love: make sure that you can remember them with the love you never stop feeling for them!
Burial/cremation and marking the passing
Whichever way you bury or cremate your guinea pigs, you may want to mark the passing in some tangible way, whether it is with a special urn, a marked grave with a painted stone or wooden marker, a burial pot with a memorial plant that can come with you in case of a house move, a framed picture or album, a footprint in colour or relief, an ornament like a personalised painted pebble, a painting from an artist or a little piece of jewellery or something you have created yourself.
I always bury my guinea pigs with a little farewell bouquet of flowers from my garden and try to include forget-me-nots whenever they are in flower. I also try to reflect the personalities in my choice of blooms if the time of year allows it.
My piggies are wrapped in kitchen paper with compostable string before they are placed in a large cat-safe covered flower pot together with their comrades that have preceded them. The pot is then planted over when it is full, first with shallow rooted ground cover and later with a small flowering shrub or a patio rose.
If you want to send off your piggies for a personalised cremation, please make sure that it doesn't contain plastic. However, paper cards or drawings with a last message, favourite treats or being bedded on hay or forage, or a little flower bouquet are all fine.
You can bring your piggies home from the vets for that purpose and take them to be sent to the crematorium later on if you wish to.
Nesta (May 2017) - Nerys (August 2016) - Myfina (Christmas 2017)
My large piggy pot, which houses the 7 piggies that have passed away in 2016/17 with its interim shallow-rooted perennial evergreen planting (low maintenance saxifraga urbium from the alpine section of a garden centre). I am using ericaceous/acid compost to help speed up the process. Eventually I am planning to plant a patio rose in the pot a few more years down the line.
Dealing with special days
Anniversaries and birthdays are always hard, especially the first ones. It can help to create a little ritual, whether that is lighting a candle, laying some picked flowers from your garden or from pots, playing a special song that connects you to your piggy etc. for these occasions. It helps acknowledging your loss. Forget-me-nots are my personal favourite when it comes to memorial plants; I also love it when they self-seed around, like all the little things that I have learned from my piggies over time and that can now profit other guinea pigs and their owners!
But at the same time you may also want to make a life affirming gesture, like giving a small donation to a guinea pig rescue or sponsoring a permanent sanctuary/rescue resident in your guinea pig's name in order to create a positive legacy into the future and hand on the joy and enrichment that your piggy has brought you. This is especially helpful if you have been/are still experiencing strong feelings of guilt, failure or anger.
Turning your negative feelings into a constructive action benefitting other guinea pigs or owners can really help you towards accepting what has happened by creating a kind of emotional balance and a positive legacy. We can't change our past, but we can choose how we go on and whether we want to bury a bitter experience or turn into something that spurns us on. Shaping the future is in our control!
