How to cope with loss and guilt?

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katet22

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Hi,
I am just posting to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice on how to navigate this.
Our boy Hazel who lived for 7.5 years had to be put to sleep yesterday and we are beyond devastated. 💔
I feel immense guilt as I wasn’t there with him.

Over the last few months he has had a few health issues and had some trips to the vets. He would get unwell and then bounce back and be brighter again.
I had a pre planned trip and before going I went to my mums to see Hazel and he wasn’t well again, tbh the worst I’d seen him but I thought once he’d had his painkillers he would perk up. I was torn on whether to go on my trip but my brother was relying on me to go and I felt Hazel might improve again; so my mum told me to go as there was nothing more I could do at the time.
I feel awful as he seemed to want me before I left but I gave him another kiss and he got settled and comfortable with my mum within seconds.

I came away on my trip and the next day my mum messaged to say there was no improvement & he’s gone down hill and he needed to be put to sleep as he was suffering. I am 5 hours away from home and woke up early so we could drive back but my mum said they can’t wait as it’s not fair on him; so she took him to the vets and he sadly passed. The vet said he was experiencing kidney failure. In his final night / hours he wanted to be alone and didn’t want to be around my mum or have any cuddles; and I know it would have been the same if I was there but I cannot shift this feeling of tremendous guilt. I wish I stayed longer and I don’t know what I was thinking.

I am an anxious person anyway and dealing with the pure heartbreak that he is not here anymore while also feeling guilt just feels too much to handle at the moment. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for leaving him. I just prayed as he would always recover he would bounce back / perk up again and be ok whilst I was away but I should have known he wouldn’t this time. I hope in time these feelings will ease.

Both my mum and I honestly loved him endlessly and I know we gave him the most amazing life, he was truly spoilt and happy with us. He was such a massive part of our lives and there won’t be a day where we don’t miss him.
He really was a unique, one of a kind boy with such a huge personality.
We feel so lucky to have had all these amazing years with him.

If anyone has any advice on how to navigate such a heartbreaking loss please let me know, I feel distraught😢.
 
Wiebke

Thread 'Human Bereavement - Grieving, coping tips and support links for guinea pig owners and their children'

Overview
1 The Grieving Process
- Loss and the onset of the grieving process
- Grieving with a terminally ill piggy
- Going through the grieving process
2 Ways of Coping
- Expressing and processing your feelings
- Regaining your guinea pig
- Burial and marking the passing
- Dealing with special days
3 How Do I Tell My Children?
- Finding local bereavement support and charities
- Recommended...
  • Like

I hope the above guide helps you, it has helped me in the past.
You have nothing to feel guilty about you gave your boy a wonderful life.
Sending you my very best wishes as you go through your grief. I hope you will soon look back on a life well lived and be able to smile at the memories of your special piggy.
 
piggieminder said:
Wiebke

Thread 'Human Bereavement - Grieving, coping tips and support links for guinea pig owners and their children'

Overview
1 The Grieving Process
- Loss and the onset of the grieving process
- Grieving with a terminally ill piggy
- Going through the grieving process
2 Ways of Coping
- Expressing and processing your feelings
- Regaining your guinea pig
- Burial and marking the passing
- Dealing with special days
3 How Do I Tell My Children?
- Finding local bereavement support and charities
- Recommended...
  • Like

I hope the above guide helps you, it has helped me in the past.
You have nothing to feel guilty about you gave your boy a wonderful life.
Sending you my very best wishes as you go through your grief. I hope you will soon look back on a life well lived and be able to smile at the memories of your special piggy.
Click to expand...
Thank you, I really appreciate you sending this, I’m glad it has helped you in the past and also thank you so much for your kind words. It means so much. ❤️
 
Grief is tough and there is no way to rush it.
Guilt is a normal part of grief even when we know there is nothing else we could have done.
Maybe create a memory book that will help you focus on all the good times, on all the love you shared. It helps the healing.
Remember that we only grieve where we have loved.
Holding you in my heart ♥️
 
So sorry for your loss. Your boy was a great age and was obviously very loved.
 
Hello, just wanted to respond to say that I was in a similar situation with my guinea pig Dorothy back in July. I wrote a post on the Rainbow Bridge section of this forum (if admin see my post here, I believe that this would have been the correct thread to post in previously. Apologies, I didn't realise that this thread existed) and it would give you an overview of what happened with Dorothy. I was also completely distraught and full of guilt, though thankfully this has eased over the past months...I am so sorry that you are feeling like this and genuinely understand how awful it is...but it does get better. You did the absolute best that you could for Hazel and his age was testament to that! I am also quite an anxious person and think this possibly makes certain aspects even harder to deal with, but please know you gave him the absolute best care over his lifetime and that is what matters. I really do understand how hard this is right now, take care of yourself ❤️
 
Hello @katet22
I'm sorry for your loss.

Also want to say how deeply I feel for you and how much I understand. I've most always been absolutely devastated when my guineas died and felt guilt that I hadn't done enough to save them. I also tend to anxiety and presume that that doesn't exactly help. Feeling guilt doesn't mean we are guilty!

Hazel had a lovely life with you, and you left him in responsible hands (your mum's) before you went on holiday.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss and it must have been so hard not to be there. But you gave him an amazing life (7.5 is a very senior piggie!) and you need to remind yourself of that. There are a lot of days in 7.5 years that you were there for... you need to focus on that rather than the last few hours. You didn't do anything to feel guilty about... you gave him a wonderful long life and left him with someone he knew and trusted who was able to make sure he didn't suffer and could pass peacefully. He was a lucky pig. Try to be kind to yourself as you grieve. ((HUGS.))
 
Hi everyone, I just want to say thank you so much for all your lovely messages above. It truly is such a heartbreaking time and he will be so dearly missed as we loved him beyond words. We feel so lucky we had him for so long, he really was so strong & special! ❤️ Your kind posts and sharing some of your own experiences has truly bought me so much comfort, thank you all for being so kind and supportive ❤️
 
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