How do you cope with multiple bereavements?

piggymad28

piggymad28

Junior Guinea Pig
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Hi all

Just that, really. I'm not even sure if its the right board for this post. I'm just struggling so much with grief.

I've lost a few guinea pigs in a short space of time, since December 2021. I'm finding it difficult. I love these animals so much but its so hard when you lose them that I don't know if I could get any more after the ones I have left go. The worry, stress and heartbreak of it all is too much. I also end up blaming myself, thinking I shouldve done more for them, etc, to prevent their passing.

How do you cope with it?
 
It’s a difficult one! I’m so sorry for you. One loss, it feels very hard but when you get a few in a row, that is really devastating and I can fully understand how sad you must be feeling. Try not to feel guilty, everyone always thinks “if only” or “I could have done more” when in fact you know deep down you were doing your very best. Take heart that they were all loved and lived their best lives with you. In time you may feel you want more, once you’ve healed a little, but for now be kind to yourself and enjoy the ones you have x
 
I’m very sorry for your losses :( it is hard. I lost 3 piggies in succession in 2013 and then again in 2015 and really felt like throwing in the towel. But I ended up adopting more as friends for the ones I had left and am now back up to 4 piggies and have had no losses since Ellen in 2020 and my eldest is nearly 7

All I can say is that it does get easier.

You sound like a very loving and caring owner and any piggy would be lucky to have a home with you (((hugs))) x
 
I’m sorry for all of your losses. You obviously care or it wouldn’t hurt so much. We are all here for you if you need to talk. ❤️
 
I don't have any advice, just know you are not alone as I am feeling exactly the same at the moment after losing two lovely boars last November and on Monday. I feel like I can't breathe with all the grief. Sending hugs ❤️
 
JosieK said:
I don't have any advice, just know you are not alone as I am feeling exactly the same at the moment after losing two lovely boars last November and on Monday. I feel like I can't breathe with all the grief. Sending hugs ❤️
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I am so so sorry for your losses ❤️
 
Since piggies never live long enough, no matter how long they live, I always try to enjoy every day with them.
It doesn't make loosing them any easier (and it certainly doesn't help when caring for a sick piggy), but we know from the start that the time together is limited. So I try to accept this fact and make the most out off the time we are given.
Or in other words: I try to be a little bit like a guinea pig myself and live in the present when I spend time with them.

Try not to blame yourself. I know we all do it, but it really doesn't help anyone.
I would love to have a magic wand for a bit of healing magic, but unfortunately it doesn't work this way.

Take care!
 
Thank you all. Living in the present is definitely a good suggestion ☺️
 
piggymad28 said:
Hi all

Just that, really. I'm not even sure if its the right board for this post. I'm just struggling so much with grief.

I've lost a few guinea pigs in a short space of time, since December 2021. I'm finding it difficult. I love these animals so much but its so hard when you lose them that I don't know if I could get any more after the ones I have left go. The worry, stress and heartbreak of it all is too much. I also end up blaming myself, thinking I shouldve done more for them, etc, to prevent their passing.

How do you cope with it?
Click to expand...
Hi

Please take the time to read our Grieving guide with practical advice and tips: A Practical and Sensitive Guide to Dying, Terminal Illness and Euthanasia in Guinea Pigs

'Stampedes to the Rainbow Bridge' are always hard to cope with. It is totally normal to question yourself and your ability as a caring owner when they happen. Unfortunately, you can only process so much grief at any given time; when the heap on your plate is growing faster than your processing speed allows, then it can feel rather overwhelming; especially when you are dealing with deaths in a matter of just days and in all becomes one huge emotional mush. That is why I call this phenomen 'grieving indigestion'. Talking and seeking help via the free Blue Cross platforms can help; otherwise it is mostly a matter of enduring until your soul has done its homework. The death of a new piggy does reopen not yet fully healed over wounds, making things more painful.

Please keep reminding yourself that you haven't done anything wrong. The feelings of guilt are part of the grieving process because of our human wiring to reflect everything back on ourselves and not because you have failed your piggies in any way. If you were a neglectful owner in truth, you would actually not experience them because you would simply not give a d***. They are the strongest statement and the biggest tribute you can pay yourself as to what a loving owner you actually are because those feelings are an expression of the depth of your love for your piggies. I do however admit that it would be much nicer to find a less painful way to express that - but that is our particular human hang-up. I hope that trying to see it from this angle will help you a little? ;)

PS: I've lost 3 piggies of my own just in June (two of them just 5 days apart) and a dozen in still not even a full year, so I fully understand. My only consolation is that I am not likely to go to go through this amount of loss ever again (my current losses reflect my all time peak adoption period at the sharp end now) but it has been and still is hard to bear at times; especially when you cannot brace for a loss.
Please give yourself time and seek support. Pet bereavement can happen to anybody. Talking it out of your body is the best way of helping the process along as there are no shortcuts; if you try to push it all to the back, it will come back to haunt you at the worst time possible. Try to see it as the mental equivalent of constipation medication. We need to look after our mental wellbeing as much as we need to help an ailing body.
Pet bereavement and pet loss
 
I'm so sorry for your losses. I've had small animals (currently guinea pigs and hamsters) for a long time. Most of my life, really. In the past year, we've lost four pets, Hadley (the pig in my avatar picture) who was my good buddy for 6.5 years, plus three hamsters (two of old age, one who really was not that old and who we tried to nurse through a medical emergency only to have to have her put to sleep several days in when she abruptly took a serious turn for the worse.) It is HARD. Really, really hard. And I absolutely have moments where I feel like I just can't keep doing this, especially with the really little hammies who really only live a couple of years. You don't love them less than bigger pets, but you have them such a short time and it's so difficult.

I think what really helps me is to reframe things a bit philosophically. I go in realizing that, barring something catastrophic happening to me, I will outlive them. They are on loan to me and I have no idea how long that loan will be. They are passing guests, and all I can do is be the best possible host and give them as many good todays as possible. They aren't concerned with lifespan, or mortality. They just want to be content right now, so I try to do the same. For those who die of old age, I try to remind myself that dying of old age after a happy life is the win state of existence. They crossed that finish line after a wonderful life and it's a privilege and a victory to have helped them do so. For the ones I've lost earlier to illness, it's harder to process, but at the same time I know I did the best I could and they had no sense of an allotted lifespan... what matters is that they were happy while they were here. Animals don't know how to count the days, it's always 'now.' Counting the days is purely a human thing. As long as their days were mainly happy, I did my job. And so did you.

Ultimately I keep getting small pets because I've always been drawn to them. The only way to avoid losing them is to never have them, and honestly that would be a bigger loss because the joy I get from them while they're here is worth the pain I feel having to say goodbye. I think everyone kind of has to weigh that for themselves. But for me, I keep weighing it and landing on the side of saying yes to pets, because having them and losing them is still better to me than not having them at all.
 
So sorry for your losses.
It’s much harder when there’s a few bereavements on top of each other.
When the losses come so close together the newest loss simply reopens the older wounds and it feels as if you are starting the grieving process again for each one.
Remember that we only grieve when we have loved.
Talking helps and on the forum you know that people understand the pain of losing a piggy and can be a support.
We all cope with grief differently and each loss is different.
I focus on the good memories, the happy todays and browse pictures.
I also re-read a couple of my favourite books,” Badger’s Parting Gifts “and “Waterbugs and Dragonflies “
Although written for children they are still helpful for adults
 
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