Horrible guilt after loosing a piggie

[Josie_lg]

I lost my sweet poppy on Tuesday 8 days after a cystotomy and hernia repair which despite a difficult first couple of days she made it through. Only to suffer a stroke on the Saturday, make it through that but just not get back to how she was before. She’d eat tiny amounts very occasionally but didn’t poop for nearly 24 hours, would barely walk and her belly was so sore, she would cry when you touched it and she developed a chest infection. The first 24 hours after the stroke I was so hopefully she ate so well and seemed good. Monday night she ate hay on her own, I was so happy and I felt that finally we were going to get through this. Tuesday morning she stopped eating again and she finally passed a couple of poops but they were so sharp and dry they felt like rocks. We took her to the vets and he still had hope for her. He said he didn’t feel she’d given up yet and advised a bupe injection as all around the surgical site she was comfy it was her guts that were causing her extreme pain. He changed antibiotics and upped her gut stimulant meds. I was nervous about bupe as I had explained to him that when she had it in the past she was very zoned out and off her food. But she was in so much pain and the gabapentin wasn’t helping her much at all at this point. So she had the bupe in the hopes it would make her comfier and we’d be able to get her meds in without her spitting them out and by the time the spaced out episode had warned off she may have improved.
15 hours later she passed away in my arms with buttercup by her side. By the evening she was in almost a comatosed state she was barely aware of anything and couldn’t move. I have this intense and painful guilt that if we hadn’t given the bupe injection maybe she would have made it. My mum doesn’t think she would have, she feels the stroke just caused some sort of damage to her body and it was going to happen soon despite the bupe injection. But all that keeps going through my brain is I wish we didn’t give the bupe injection maybe she could have pulled through. But again my mums been saying if we didn’t give the bupe and she had passed away we would have regretted that too.
I’m just so lost. How can a piggie so full of life and love be gone. She was so so special to me. Her soft crest and her beautiful expressionate eyes, the way all she wanted was to be held and kissed and scratched under the chin or behind her ears. My heart is completely shattered. 3 years isn’t long enough. I’m trying to be strong for the other three that are left but I feel like I’m loosing my bond with them. Everything just feels so wrong and unbalanced without her here. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up from the terrible nightmare, I just cannot grasp that I’ll never get to see and hold her again.

 

[Josie_lg]

Poppy

 

[Viennese Furbabies]

Poppy war a beauty. I'm very sorry that you lost her so early.
Your mum is right. You would blame yourself just as much if you would have refused the injection. Sometimes there is no right decision to be made. Take care!

 

[Josie_lg]

Poppy war a beauty. I'm very sorry that you lost her so early.
Your mum is right. You would blame yourself just as much if you would have refused the injection. Sometimes there is no right decision to be made. Take care!

I’m sure you are right. I just don’t know how I will ever adapt to not seeing her face I’m finding it so hard and feel so guilty I’m not giving the others enough love or attention it’s just so painful. Buttercup seems to be doing okay now. They were best friends. But she had time to say good bye and she slept in Poppy’s bed for a couple of days before it had to be washed. I just wished I’d left her scent on one of their bears to keep. But when it all happens so fast and suddenly you don’t think straight.

 

[Viennese Furbabies]

It's incredibly hard to loose a piggy that was loved so deeply.
This threat might help you: Human Bereavement - Grieving, coping tips and support links for guinea pig owners and their children

Feeling guilty is part of the grieving process. It will take time, because at the moment the grieve is still raw and fresh, but playing the what-if's through in your mind won't help.
We have all been there and done that. Sometimes a death is harder to accept than another because of the circumstances or the special bond you had with this piggy.

Just give yourself time.
You're not failing the others as long as their daily needs are met. You will be able to give your love and attention to the others again.
One thing all of us had to learn is to cherish every day that is given to us in the company of our furry little ones. Their life is so short compared to ours, even under the best circumstances.

Maybe you could do something special to remember your sweet girl. Write a tribute in the rainbow pets section of this forum, draw a picture, select your favourite photographs ... whatever suits you best.
Everyone grieves in a different way and in a different pace. You have got to find the right way for yourself.

But you are not alone! The members of this forum know how you feel.

 

[Josie_lg]

It's incredibly hard to loose a piggy that was loved so deeply.
This threat might help you: Human Bereavement - Grieving, coping tips and support links for guinea pig owners and their children

Feeling guilty is part of the grieving process. It will take time, because at the moment the grieve is still raw and fresh, but playing the what-if's through in your mind won't help.
We have all been there and done that. Sometimes a death is harder to accept than another because of the circumstances or the special bond you had with this piggy.

Just give yourself time.
You're not failing the others as long as their daily needs are met. You will be able to give your love and attention to the others again.
One thing all of us had to learn is to cherish every day that is given to us in the company of our furry little ones. Their life is so short compared to ours, even under the best circumstances.

Maybe you could do something special to remember your sweet girl. Write a tribute in the rainbow pets section of this forum, draw a picture, select your favourite photographs ... whatever suits you best.
Everyone grieves in a different way and in a different pace. You have got to find the right way for yourself.

But you are not alone! The members of this forum know how you feel.

I appreciate your kind words. I have read the link you have sent thank you for that. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone. But I think because with the last piggie I lost she lived a long and healthy life. She passed just before her 8th birthday it was easier to accept it was just her time. With poppy she was just 3 1/2 years which just feels far too young. I hope the guilt gets better. The what if scenarios are going round and round in my head constantly and it’s torture. I just can’t get used to not hearing her squeak from the cage or her trying to escape into the kitchen at floor time, the others always sort of followed her lead and it all feels so empty without her there.