Our Guidelines for:
- Support for a bad diagnosis
- Decision making support
- Dying support
- Grieving support
- Keeping the focus on the owner's needs
- Question yourself before posting
- Triggers and rewards
We all know how consoling it can be to have others sharing the same experiences but also how an orgy of relating the goriest details can fan anxieties instead of allaying them.
As a community, we can help break down that feeling of being very alone in caring so deeply for such small pets but it very much depends how we do it and that we do it in a constructive way.
Support for a bad diagnosis
Always be honest when relating your personal experiences with the same illness or a comparable situation but please refrain from smothering somebody reeling from a terminal diagnosis with lots of bad outcomes. This is counterproductive and makes it worse for them.
If possible, please rather mention something positive that has helped you through that time or that has made it special for you. Emphasize any positives and your good wishes.
People who have just got the worst news are in shock and in turmoil. They can be in denial - that is a very common reaction. The grieving process starts right here but most of us are not ready and feel overwhelmed. Understanding and comfort go a long way but also things that have made the remaining shared time with your piggy special for you will open a new and positive dimension. It is not necessarily all just doom and gloom.
Try not to come in with the worst case scenario first because that is fatal for any anxiety sufferers who will instantly zoom in on that to the exclusion of everything else. We are in fact aiming to do the opposite - trying to focus the owner's eye on all the other positive and enriching aspects that are still there for the taking.
Decision making support
Potential end of life decisions are tough and there is very rarely any easy way out. It is normal to be deeply conflicted or paralysed, or in the grip of fear of loss and in denial.
We can never make that decision for anybody else but we can help them with formulating the questions they need to ask themselves especially in high pressure situations when time is running out fast. Not coming to a kind of conclusion can unfortunately result in a much worse guilt trip after the loss because of the higher trauma. It is not always easy to listen to your heart when you are at the centre of an emotional storm. But we can help with finding a safe spot to stand in the eye of the hurricane and to weather it.
Be firm if needed, but at the same time be sympathetic and always reassuring. Knowing their heart and having a bit clearer mind will give the owner a foothold and a handle from which they can move on.
Dying support
Give moral support; little tips on how to make a very ill piggy comfortable at every stage. The worst part of this is feeling helpless and unprepared; so calmness and a sympathetic understanding are important. Take it step by step and concentrate on rassurance and sympathy. Give the owner little things to do like keeping a dying piggy warm and comfortable and sending them soothing thoughts - the latter can also help with the owner's personal turmoil and panic.
Only ever mention any gory details when they actually happen - yes, I had that happen to mine, too, and I also found it upsetting but it is a normal part of the process.
If you can't stay on with them during our forum downtime (we all have to sleep, eat and work after all) then tell them what common symptoms to look out for or brace for so they are not left floundering and point them towards the guides at the top of this section.
We have included this step-by-step guide here for specifically this kind of emergency:
Grieving support
At this stage, when owners grapple with their loss and strong feelings of guilt it can really help to share similar experiences and that the death is usually not the result of something done wrong but the result of an owner internalising it and reflecting it back on themselves. The reassurance that they haven't failed their piggy in any way and that are not alone in what they are feeling is absolutely crucial and can make all the difference.
Making sense especially of a sudden, unexpected death can take us all to some strange places. We cannot answer the unanswerable but we can help with making sense of what they are going through right now and that they are not alone in this. And that they can eventually come out on the other side, as hard or seemingly impossible as it sounds.
Keeping the focus on the owner's needs
There is always a tendency to chime in with our own experiences when others have started but it is important that we ask ourselves whether it is actually needed to go into all the details of our own loss - as liberating as it may be for ourselves - or whether we can just keep it to a more general 'I have experienced this the same as you with my own piggy', seeing that several other members have already been rather specific in order to keep the focus on the real loss and the grieving owner and not shift it away from them.
Question yourself before posting
Before you write a support post in this section, please always ask yourself what you would want to hear yourself or would have needed to hear in that situation - does your post do that?
Ask yourself again before you click the Post button whether you really would find your own post helpful or rather upsetting instead if you were at the receiving end. Be honest with yourself. If in any doubt, please don't post. Writing it will in any way help you with your own processing, so it is not necessarily wasted time. We just need to be clear: Are we helping ourselves more than the poster of the thread?
Triggers and rewards
There is no obligation for any member of our forum community to give support in this section. Please stop asap if you feel triggered or stressed or don't come here in the first place. This is not for everybody but everybody is welcome to help who wants to. Don't feel bad if it is not for you. We all contribute in different ways to this community and we are respectful of each other's own needs and abilities.
Sometimes, even and especially when we feel very down on ourselves, it can however be uplifting to see what a positive difference our own support has made for somebody else. Giving help can give us a boost in return, too. It is not necessarily just a one way process and it can at certain stages also help with your grieving process - but not at all stages. If your own pain is still all too raw, then please look after your own needs first.
Please be always honest with yourself about your motivations and whether it is the right thing for you at any time.
If you have an issue, please talk about it. If you feel that you need comfort yourself over an unresolved issue, please start your own support thread. Grieving is a complex process.
You can find more practical tips for both anxiety sufferers and supporters in this guide here. They also work for helping people during a crisis; the principles are the same.
- Support for a bad diagnosis
- Decision making support
- Dying support
- Grieving support
- Keeping the focus on the owner's needs
- Question yourself before posting
- Triggers and rewards
We all know how consoling it can be to have others sharing the same experiences but also how an orgy of relating the goriest details can fan anxieties instead of allaying them.
As a community, we can help break down that feeling of being very alone in caring so deeply for such small pets but it very much depends how we do it and that we do it in a constructive way.
Support for a bad diagnosis
Always be honest when relating your personal experiences with the same illness or a comparable situation but please refrain from smothering somebody reeling from a terminal diagnosis with lots of bad outcomes. This is counterproductive and makes it worse for them.
If possible, please rather mention something positive that has helped you through that time or that has made it special for you. Emphasize any positives and your good wishes.
People who have just got the worst news are in shock and in turmoil. They can be in denial - that is a very common reaction. The grieving process starts right here but most of us are not ready and feel overwhelmed. Understanding and comfort go a long way but also things that have made the remaining shared time with your piggy special for you will open a new and positive dimension. It is not necessarily all just doom and gloom.
Try not to come in with the worst case scenario first because that is fatal for any anxiety sufferers who will instantly zoom in on that to the exclusion of everything else. We are in fact aiming to do the opposite - trying to focus the owner's eye on all the other positive and enriching aspects that are still there for the taking.
Decision making support
Potential end of life decisions are tough and there is very rarely any easy way out. It is normal to be deeply conflicted or paralysed, or in the grip of fear of loss and in denial.
We can never make that decision for anybody else but we can help them with formulating the questions they need to ask themselves especially in high pressure situations when time is running out fast. Not coming to a kind of conclusion can unfortunately result in a much worse guilt trip after the loss because of the higher trauma. It is not always easy to listen to your heart when you are at the centre of an emotional storm. But we can help with finding a safe spot to stand in the eye of the hurricane and to weather it.
Be firm if needed, but at the same time be sympathetic and always reassuring. Knowing their heart and having a bit clearer mind will give the owner a foothold and a handle from which they can move on.
Dying support
Give moral support; little tips on how to make a very ill piggy comfortable at every stage. The worst part of this is feeling helpless and unprepared; so calmness and a sympathetic understanding are important. Take it step by step and concentrate on rassurance and sympathy. Give the owner little things to do like keeping a dying piggy warm and comfortable and sending them soothing thoughts - the latter can also help with the owner's personal turmoil and panic.
Only ever mention any gory details when they actually happen - yes, I had that happen to mine, too, and I also found it upsetting but it is a normal part of the process.
If you can't stay on with them during our forum downtime (we all have to sleep, eat and work after all) then tell them what common symptoms to look out for or brace for so they are not left floundering and point them towards the guides at the top of this section.
We have included this step-by-step guide here for specifically this kind of emergency:
Grieving support
At this stage, when owners grapple with their loss and strong feelings of guilt it can really help to share similar experiences and that the death is usually not the result of something done wrong but the result of an owner internalising it and reflecting it back on themselves. The reassurance that they haven't failed their piggy in any way and that are not alone in what they are feeling is absolutely crucial and can make all the difference.
Making sense especially of a sudden, unexpected death can take us all to some strange places. We cannot answer the unanswerable but we can help with making sense of what they are going through right now and that they are not alone in this. And that they can eventually come out on the other side, as hard or seemingly impossible as it sounds.
Keeping the focus on the owner's needs
There is always a tendency to chime in with our own experiences when others have started but it is important that we ask ourselves whether it is actually needed to go into all the details of our own loss - as liberating as it may be for ourselves - or whether we can just keep it to a more general 'I have experienced this the same as you with my own piggy', seeing that several other members have already been rather specific in order to keep the focus on the real loss and the grieving owner and not shift it away from them.
Question yourself before posting
Before you write a support post in this section, please always ask yourself what you would want to hear yourself or would have needed to hear in that situation - does your post do that?
Ask yourself again before you click the Post button whether you really would find your own post helpful or rather upsetting instead if you were at the receiving end. Be honest with yourself. If in any doubt, please don't post. Writing it will in any way help you with your own processing, so it is not necessarily wasted time. We just need to be clear: Are we helping ourselves more than the poster of the thread?
Triggers and rewards
There is no obligation for any member of our forum community to give support in this section. Please stop asap if you feel triggered or stressed or don't come here in the first place. This is not for everybody but everybody is welcome to help who wants to. Don't feel bad if it is not for you. We all contribute in different ways to this community and we are respectful of each other's own needs and abilities.
Sometimes, even and especially when we feel very down on ourselves, it can however be uplifting to see what a positive difference our own support has made for somebody else. Giving help can give us a boost in return, too. It is not necessarily just a one way process and it can at certain stages also help with your grieving process - but not at all stages. If your own pain is still all too raw, then please look after your own needs first.
Please be always honest with yourself about your motivations and whether it is the right thing for you at any time.
If you have an issue, please talk about it. If you feel that you need comfort yourself over an unresolved issue, please start your own support thread. Grieving is a complex process.
You can find more practical tips for both anxiety sufferers and supporters in this guide here. They also work for helping people during a crisis; the principles are the same.
