Feeling Guilty....

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MerryPip

MerryPip

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Feeling guilty and needing someone to tell me to stop being daft.

Losing my little Suilven this week has been incredibly hard and although I know it won't change things I keep seeing other threads about piggies with gut issues and people recommending drugs which I can't help wondering if they would have helped....

I can't bear the thought that if we'd tried something different to help his gut restart itself that he might still be here with his family where he belongs.

My vet is great, they aren't an exotics practice although they have an agreement for shared advice with a local exotics practice of good reputation and I know they worked really hard to do what they could for him but I worry that they may have shied away from using other drugs 'not licensed' for piggies or not in their usual experience like metaclopromide or zantac that could have helped...

Really it's just that I'm missing him so much and I know it was too late but the 'what ifs' are making it worse.
 
Please try not to think of the what ifs (I can't talk as have been doing the same with Jessica and Minnie hamster and do it evey time we lose one). You will just tie yourself in knots. It sounds like you and your vets did everything you could.
 
It is very easy to think about the 'what ifs' and blame yourself. I am still doing it to myself even months after I lost my 3 girlies last year :(

I too read through threads and think 'why wasn't that done' etc but each individual case is different.

But you really did everything you could and going over things will just make you worse.

(((Hugs)))
 
Please bear in mind I believe they have to offer drugs licensed on GP's first before they can try others unless there is nothing licensed.
 
HUGS

If it is any help, these feelings of guilt are totally normal for a newly bereaved loving mum. They are only proof that you are a caring, responsible owner - and that you are now going through the regular stages of the grieving process.

There is always the question whether other meds, treatments, another vet or more attention would have made a difference - or in my case, whether the stress of the trip to Northampton on Monday to see piggy specialist Simon Maddock about what was going on with her was just that bit too much for Bethan to push her over the edge. But if she was already that fragile without us noticing, then she was very much living on borrowed time indeed, and it was only a matter of days or weeks until something else triggered her illness. Just to show you that we all go through this in one way or other as our minds and souls are starting to digest the loss! :(

Rest assured that even with those meds, it would have been very much of a toss up whether Suilven would have made it and at the best, you would still be likely facing weeks, if not months, of major ups and downs over his digestion. It is not usually something that rights itself quickly and it can flare up and eventually kill at any time - often through a painful bout or series of bouts of bloat. Poor Suilven would have faced quite a rough time with no guarantees. :eek:

We cannot undo what has happened; all we can do is our best at the time with the knowledge, possibilities and love that we have got. And eventually accept that we have done that and not failed our beloved pets, as you have not failed Suilven.
 
Hi Rach, we have been through the same thoughts about Meg the other week.... It is a natural part of loss. Sully was unfortunately in a very bad way, he was a very poorly little boy, I don't think anything was gonna keep him going. Piggies guts are so delicate and difficult once they start going wrong. I don't think from what you told me about Sully you could have done anymore, I know how much it hurts but sometimes you just have to help them on their way and this means that you choose when it ends - this always leads to the guilt and the 'What If' feeling.
You would never have made that choice for Sully if it wasn't the best thing for him.

Massive Hugs x x
 
I know exactly what you mean about the guilt.Fizz my texel had a severe head tilt and after a fortnight of syringe feeding and meds it hadn't improved and she was losing weight rapidly and thoroughly miserable.My vet and myself made the decision to let her go and then I read threads about guineas recovering after a few weeks.Often have what if moments.We all do our best and can't beat ourselves up over our decisions.We give them the best life we can but also have an obligation to help them end their lives with dignity and without unnecessary pain and suffering.
 
Oh I really really understand how you feel but I honestly think that you made the right decision for Suileven. I'm so sorry and I do feel your pain.

I lost my mare Charisma to an infection that started as a punture wound to her leg and then ran through the body (developed into cellulitis and she was very very ill) despite repeated antibiotics and two operations to remove infected tissue. She was 32. My horse Domino got a similar wound last week and the vet just mentioned that they are now giving a double dose (twice a day as opposed to once a day) of antibiotics as they have found that was more effective with these kind of infections.

Now I cant stop thinking that if Charisma had been give antibiotics twice a day, she might still be here (although at the age of 37 that is unlikely). So I do know how you feel.

And of course I am completely neurotic about Domino at the moment......
Poor you. You know you did the right thing though, dont you xx
x
 
Thanks folks. I know you're right and it is a natural part of losing anyone. I couldn't bear the thought of having missed something that would have changed the outcome.

I'm glad you all think I did so much for him. I know you both did the same for Moo and Bethan too.
 
You did Rach, the texts you sent detailing what you were doing - there was nothing else you could have done. He was just such a special little guy, they all leave a paw print forever in your heart but some leave that one which is an extra bit bigger and Sully was one of those piggies. Big hugs to you both x
 
I'm so pleased we made you feel better.Fizz was a special girl as well and everyone who met her fell in love with her.I still miss her like crazy.
 
Rach, I don't think that there is any more that you could have done about and for Suilven! He's clearly had all the round-the-clock care possible, but it was simply more than his little body could cope with. :(

Like you, I wish that there had been anything else I could have done for Bethan; but there simply wasn't. I still don't know what unfortunate combination of factors I was exactly up against with her, and I have to be content with never knowing - only that it must have been something major on top of the kidneys packing in for it being so quick and despite her being put on a strong antibiotic. Simon gave her a very thorough onceover on Monday.

Accepting a loss is not easy. We take our piggies deeply into our heart, but letting them go again is so much harder...
 
Wiebke said:
Rach, I don't think that there is any more that you could have done about and for Suilven! He's clearly had all the round-the-clock care possible, but it was simply more than his little body could cope with. :(

Like you, I wish that there had been anything else I could have done for Bethan; but there simply wasn't. I still don't know what unfortunate combination of factors I was exactly up against with her, and I have to be content with never knowing - only that it must have been something major on top of the kidneys packing in for it being so quick and despite her being put on a strong antibiotic. Simon gave her a very thorough onceover on Monday.

Accepting a loss is not easy. We take our piggies deeply into our heart, but letting them go again is so much harder...
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Your wisdom hits the spot Wiebke. It's the accepting that's the hard part and I guess that just takes time. I have never hand a bond with an animal like him and he will be a very hard act to follow.
Cuddles with Struan is helping though :)
 
Think of all the good things you have done for him instead of what you wish you had done. I'm sure you made his life great and that's what matters in the end ;)
 
MerryPip said:
Your wisdom hits the spot Wiebke. It's the accepting that's the hard part and I guess that just takes time. I have never hand a bond with an animal like him and he will be a very hard act to follow.
Cuddles with Struan is helping though :)
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The deeper your bond, the more intense and longer the grieving proces. It doesn't depend on the species but the on the strength of the bond, and if you have never experienced it fully before, it can really whack you badly! You never stop missing your lost ones and it never gets any easier; all you can do is to learn how to cope with your feelings a bit better - especially the more unexpected ones like the guilt trip and the "if only", or the sometimes very physical craving to hold him again (for that, I recommend a framed picture or a mug, so you can at least kiss him!), which can catch you out weeks and months afterwards. There is always that special piggy that gets right under your skin no matter how many others you have or have had...

Give poor Struan a kiss from me!
 
Hugs......I still look back to each of my piggy angels and think "what if".....or "if only I knew then what I know now then maybe".....it's because we not only love them but we are highly responsible owners and always wanting to do the absolute very best for our little friends without thought for vets bills or disruption to our own lives.


I think Wiebke has posted far more eloquently than I ever could

My last one to go to the Bridge was absolutely fine when I went to bed...the following morning Little Ed was coughing and sneezing so much fluid the only thing I could do was to rush him straight up to the nearest vets rather than my own cavy savvy ones to be PTS. I was shocked at how quickly he had gone from "healthy" to "critical" (had I missed something?) and also upset at how "dis-empowered" I felt that despite all my knowledge and experience, there really was nothing I could do/get to help him except a place at The Bridge.

The sad fact with piggies is that if it's their time to go to The Bridge, no amount of medication/care can prevent it and I honestly don't think there is anything more you could possibly have done for Suilven.

I hope you don't find the next bit upsetting but you mentioned gut meds in your post......so putting the Health and Illness hat on for a moment:

For what its worth, severe diarrhoea is not treated with gut stimulants like cisapride/zantac/metoclopromide.

The antibioitics Metronidazole and septrin plus rehydration/syringe feeding was absolutely the best call for Suilven. Unfortunately toxins can be released by these types of seriously nasty bugs that cause septic shock/total organ failure in a very short space of time There is nothing you can do for this and the process can start before the antibiotics really get a chance to clear the bugs out of the system and well before any results might have come back from a culture. And if it wasn't a seriously nasty bug, merely a nasty one, it suggests there was a serious underlying untreatable condition given the symptoms.

I'm so sorry you lost Suilven and hope I haven't upset you with the above - really just wanted to help put your mind at rest that there really was nothing more you or your vet could have done. He has enjoyed a wonderful life with you......treasure those special moments in your heart and don't worry/feel guilty if, like me, two years hence you are still having the odd weep.....some pigs really are more special than others.
x
 
@Pebble you are a star, that has set my mind at ease greatly. I think his poor guts had just had enough and not much was ever going to sort that.

@Wiebke I've had mini felted versions of all my recent piggies made in the last 6 moths so I have a mini Suilvy by my bed for those 'hug needed' moments.

I appreciate all your thoughts so much it's been a very difficult few days for myself and so many of my piggy friends this week, Wiebke included I know I can ask these questions and air these thoughts and be completely understood. You really are a magic group of people. x
 
Sending lots of hugs, I know how difficult it is.
It is one of those really difficult things about loving anyone, piggy or otherwise. When something happens you doubt yourself with all the: what ifs? and if onlys, it is only natural.

You did your very best for him, Rachel and I really don't think there was anything more that could have been done, he just couldn't fight any longer.

When I lost Rosie, it was very difficult for me particularly as I wasn't home at the time and she had been a part of my life for so long and although it wasn't unexpected it really hit me like a ton of bricks.
As Wiebke says it is about coping with the feelings better which takes time. Then losing Esme only a few weeks later (again whilst I was away), came with a lot of doubts 'What if we had got the medicine sooner?' etc etc, but her guts had packed up and we just couldn't bring her back.

Cherish his memory and think of all the good times you had together, he is popcorning away with his best buddy at rainbow bridge!
 
Loosing Liquorice was so difficult. If she hadn't been the type to go into a blind panic, she might even still be here, but i'll never know. I called it, because, she although still aware of her surroundings and me being there, was slipping fast, she could no longer control her temperature, and was just relying on her cage mates to keep her warm. I so nearly asked for them to do an exploratory to find out what the mass was in her tummy, but she would never have come round, as she was far too weak. She put her head in my hands, looking for comfort.
Not a day goes by, where I don't regret having her pts. I still miss her so much even after 14 months.. she was a one off, and will take some beating.
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Then there's Treacle :( we tried everything, but she just kept slipping further and further towards death. I didn't want to take her as far as I took Liquorice, as i'd promised myself, and the piggies, I would never allow them to start suffering for my vanity, letting them go, whilst they're still teetering on the edge of oblivion is far better than forcing them to go on for our sake. Unless, of course, there's real hope.

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