Christmas Cracker Jokes

[Merab]

It’s that time of year again so how about sharing those groan inducing jokes we find in Christmas crackers. I’ve just come back from my 2nd Christmas lunch this week so I thought I would share.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks?
Santa Jaws.

What do call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws

What does a frog do when his car breaks down?
He gets it toad away

 

[Lady Kelly]

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Dam!

 

[Incredipigs]

What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
No eye deer

 

[DMS260820]

What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
No eye deer

What do you call a reindeer with no eyes or legs?

Still no eye deer

 

[DMS260820]

Man walks into a library goes to reception and says "can i have fish and chips twice please"?

Lady at reception replies - "This is a library"

Man whispers "ok can i have fish and chips twice please"

 

[Bill & Ted]

What is the difference between Snowmen and Snowwomen?

Snowballs!

 

[Deleted member 122615]

How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza?


Deep pan, crisp and even.

 

[Merab]

 

[Deleted member 122615]

I have a joke advent calendar this year....

 

[Merab]

I have a joke advent calendar this year....

If the jokes are clean please share them

 

[Deleted member 122615]

Where does santa send overweight elves?


To the elf farm

 

[Betsy]

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

Can you smell carrots?

 

[DMS260820]

Why does 6 hate 7?
Because 7, 8 , 9

 

[GPTV]

Oh deer these are a bit groan-tastic! Lol!

What do you call a fish with no s?

... F_Shhh!


Where do the books go in Santa's library?

... On the shElves!


Why is a foot a good Christmas present?

... because it's a stocking filler!


What kind of car does a lady in a pantomime drive?

... A dame-ler


How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?

... He keeps a logbook


What kind of music do elves listen to?

.... Wrap


Umm sorry...
Can't resist this one...

What do you call a vicar on a motor bike?

... Rev

I think I may have too much time on my hands lol!
We all love cheesy cracker jokes x

 

[LisaAli]

I’m that skint
I opened a door on my Advent Calendar
a Bailiff was standing there.

 

[Deleted member 122615]

And this morning's joke

Why was Santa's little helper sad?


Because he had low elf-esteem.....

 

[Merab]

 

[Merab]

Did you know the Christmas cracker was invented by Tom Smith in 1847?
He added the ‘crack’ and love mottos to wrapped bonbons

 

[DMS260820]

What did the jamaican triangle player do?

Stand at da back an ting

 

[Flutterby]

 

[Betsy]

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive in time?

One day my prints will come.

What do you call a train loaded with toffee?

A chew chew train!

 

[jayne]

How do you make apple roll over ?


Chase it around the garden

 

[Incredipigs]

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost