Bereavement advice

[abirmingham]

Hi all,
Needed to pour my feelings out before asking for some advice. My 5-year-old guinea pig Tate lost his fight with bladder stones on Tuesday. He had a stone obstructing his urethra back in November 2021. He had surgery and made it through. I made all the changes I could: filtering his water, changing his diet in regards to veggies, and limiting his pellets. Unfortunately, in March I noticed he was peeing blood and took him back to the vet. Stones were back; he had multiple bladder stones. My vet did not recommend a second surgery so I chose to do palliative care and enjoy the time I had left with him. I decided I would turn to euthanasia if and when he was no longer eating or acting like his friendly self (climbing the cage for me, etc.) He was still eating and climbing right up until the night before his death. I work the night shift and when I came home Tuesday morning he had passed sometime while I was gone. I am absolutely devastated. The only solace I can find is that he looked peaceful, he went on his own terms, and he is no longer in pain. He has a cage mate, a 7-month-old boar named Baby who seems to be doing well despite everything. I know I need to get him another friend soon because it's imperative for his wellbeing. I just don't feel ready. I know this is selfish. It just feels like I would be trying to replace Tate if I move on this quickly. I was wondering when a good time to introduce a new cage mate might be. If anyone else has experience with this how long did you wait? Should I try to push through and do it soon?

In Loving Memory of the most resilient piggie, the definition of a fighter in every sense of the word, a pig who loved burrowing under blankets and purred every time you gave him anything to eat. Until we meet again.

 

[Piggies&buns]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

You certainly aren’t replacing him, I know it’s not easy to not feel like that though.
When comes down to how Baby is coping. Mostly you’ve got a few weeks. This gives you time to find the right character compatible friend. Do you have rescue centres near you? This is the best way to find a new friend. If you buy a piggy from a pet shop for example, there is a risk that they will not be compatible and the bond may fail. The additional consideration here is that Baby is a teenager and while not impossible, bonding a teen boar with the hormones in play can make things a bit trickier - the help of a rescue can be very valuable. If nothing else and if you have to do the bonding yourself, they may at least be able to take the piggy back if the bonding does fail and you don’t have the space to keep two separate side by side cages.
Another option is to neuter him, have the six week post surgery wait an bond him with a sow. A teen boar and sow bonding can sometimes be easier than a teen boar with another boar.

For now, take some time for yourself and keep an eye on Baby. He will be grieving too but as long as he is eating, drinking and otherwise ok, you have some time.

The guide below will help further

Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

 

[Wiebke]

Hi and welcome

I am ever so sorry about your loss. We do have a Rainbow Bridge section if you feel that posting a formal tribute to Tate will help you with your own grieving process. You may also find our practical but sensitive piggy owner grieving guide helpful to make more sense of the strong but often unexpected and contradictory feelings you experience: Human Bereavement: Grieving, Coping and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Please take the time to read the link below. It has a special chapter devoted to this common problem because guinea pig needs and their own much shorter grieving process never differ as much from your own human feelings and needs than after a loss, especially a sudden or traumatic one. It often poses a major moral dilemma because you are putting some expectations on yourself that actually are not really in play.
After nearly 80 piggies in my life, I can tell you: you never 'replace' a piggy because each ties their very own ribbon into your heart. They are all special in their own way and I love them all differently - from my first childhood piggy to my latest arrival. Love really multiplies. It is not a vessel that you refill; instead you just add a new vase to your collection.
You do not have to feel obliged to love any newbie straight away - that it will happen on its own and in its own time whenever you are ready and it will be a very different but not less valid kind of connection that will rather creep up on you without you even noticing.
Seeing your bereaved piggy happy again will actually often help to boost your mood and give you the space to do your own grieving in your own time without the added guilt loop of putting your needs before your piggy's that can actually enhance your struggle. But it won't take anything away from what has Tate meant to you and from your love for him - Tate will always have his very own nest in your heart and your memories that no other piggy will ever touch.
The guide deals with it in a sensitive way, which you may hopefully find helpful, with a further link to a thread from forum member struggling with this point and charting their personal experience: Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

Seeing that we are all doing this for free in our own free time, we have written the guide links specifically to provide more in-depth helpful information and practical how to advice as well as links to further resources that we cannot repeat in full in every post and answer all threads on this forum as well.

 

[Merab]

So sorry for your loss.
We never replace a guinea pig, we simply gain a successor to love.
Reading your tribute to Tate you gave him so much love and you have so much to continue giving.
Holding you in my heart

 

[weepweeps]

I’m so sorry you have lost Tate. He sounded like an amazing piggy. He knew just how much you loved him.

Baby will love a new piggy friend and you will too. You’re not replacing Tate. He will always be in your heart.

 

[Swissgreys]

Tate was gorgeous, and what a brave fighter with a very loving owner.
It can be so hard when we loose a beloved piggy, but please remember that whatever choices you make moving forwards you will never replace Tate.
Sometimes a very special piggy simply opens a place in your heart to chose to love another one.
I never replace any of my pets - some of them simply make a space.

 

[weepweeps]

It’s not quite the same thing but I lost my absolutely amazing border terrier Eddie last November. He was 16.5 years old. I was adamant that I would never get another dog. Well fast forward to February and we got Chester. We definitely haven’t replaced Eddie. You just couldn’t. He was perfect. But Chester is slowly becoming a very close second. He fills our life with happiness. You will know when you and Baby are ready.

Eddie



Chester

 

[PigglePuggle]

I'm sorry for your loss, losing a piggy is hard, we also lost a piggy just this week
I find it helps to think of how piggy society naturally works, piggies are very much social animals who live in groups, and it is the family group that matters most to them- piggies may pass away, new piggies join, but it's the same family group, who is in it might change over time- but your remaining piggy can show any new piggy all the things his friend used to like, and teach him to do the things they used to do together- like keeping your old friend's memory alive, passing on all the things he loved most?

 

[abirmingham]

It’s not quite the same thing but I lost my absolutely amazing border terrier Eddie last November. He was 16.5 years old. I was adamant that I would never get another dog. Well fast forward to February and we got Chester. We definitely haven’t replaced Eddie. You just couldn’t. He was perfect. But Chester is slowly becoming a very close second. He fills our life with happiness. You will know when you and Baby are ready.

Eddie

View attachment 204138

Chester

View attachment 204137

I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t even imagine. What a beautiful boy Eddie was and Chester is so handsome too I’m glad you were able to find him Thank you for your kindness

 

[abirmingham]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

You certainly aren’t replacing him, I know it’s not easy to not feel like that though.
When comes down to how Baby is coping. Mostly you’ve got a few weeks. This gives you time to find the right character compatible friend. Do you have rescue centres near you? This is the best way to find a new friend. If you buy a piggy from a pet shop for example, there is a risk that they will not be compatible and the bond may fail. The additional consideration here is that Baby is a teenager and while not impossible, bonding a teen boar with the hormones in play can make things a bit trickier - the help of a rescue can be very valuable. If nothing else and if you have to do the bonding yourself, they may at least be able to take the piggy back if the bonding does fail and you don’t have the space to keep two separate side by side cages.
Another option is to neuter him, have the six week post surgery wait an bond him with a sow. A teen boar and sow bonding can sometimes be easier than a teen boar with another boar.

For now, take some time for yourself and keep an eye on Baby. He will be grieving too but as long as he is eating, drinking and otherwise ok, you have some time.

The guide below will help further

Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

Thank you very much for your words of wisdom. I rescued Baby back in January (my first rescue piggy) and I’ve decided it’s the only way I’ll go moving forward. I’m looking to adopt from the same rescue I adopted Baby from probably. They let me bring Tate back then to do some “speed dating” he met a bunch of male Guinea pigs to see what the right fit would be and sure enough him and Baby were able to bond and continued to get along until Tates death. Baby was part of a group of 5 Guinea pigs that were found running around outside. Somebody moved out of their house and just left them to fend for themselves. 2 of his sisters that he was on the run with are still available for adoption and I think it would be so cool to reunite them again. Would it be wrong to neuter him for a non medical reason or without trying to bond him with another boar first? I just know any surgery Carries risks and I would hate for something to happen to him, I don’t think I could take it. I’d appreciate your thoughts or experiences with neutering as I’ve never had a neutered Guinea pig before.

 

[weepweeps]

I know lots of people have neutered for non medical reasons and mostly it works out very well. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. I personally wouldn’t neuter for non medical reasons because of the risk involved.

 

[Piggies&buns]

Not wrong at all - you need to do what you are comfortable with. You don’t need to have tried to bond him with another boar, its perfectly acceptable to go straight to neuter.
Of course though, he needs to be kept away from sows for six weeks after he is neutered. So, a consideration is how he is coping - can he wait another 6 weeks plus before having a friend(s)? Would getting a neuter booked in, adopting girls and then having to keep them in two separate cages for the intervening weeks be an option for both you and the rescue?

I come from primarily keeping rabbits so neutering and spaying for me is part and parcel (rabbits have to be neutered). My two boars are not neutered and I do wish I had done it when they were younger to give them more options for the future (They are 4 years old now) - it was just one of those things I didn’t get round to sorting out because it wasn’t of an essential and immediate need like with the rabbits.