Stayc1989
Teenage Guinea Pig
I have a friend who I work with and she is 32 and has never had a boyfriend. She has met guys before and been on dates but it has never gone anywhere other than just friends. She has been on several dating websites and chatted to a met a few men from there but has recently deleted all accounts as she has heard horror stories flying around the news lately so has been put off.
Anyway she usually says "oh I'm not bothered about men I'm just going to end up as a crazy cat lady" to any conversation involving men. But the other day she came over to me and another friend at work and said "how can I find a boyfriend"?. This is the first time she has ever asked for advice on finding a boyfriend, we've tried giving her advice and helping her out loads of times but she usually just says she's not bothered and what will be will be.
I think now she has finally told herself she needs to do something about it rather than having a negative attitude towards men and relationships. But I couldn't answer her question properly because I don't know how she can find a boyfriend. She is stuck in her ways and only comes to work, goes home, goes shopping and to her mums house. We have tried inviting her out with us and on the odd occasion she does come but most of the time she will make an excuse like she has to go food shopping or she's visiting her mum. Another work friend has invited her on holiday and she just says no. I have tried setting her up on a date with my boyfriends friend and told her to add him on Facebook and she said she can't find him on there and when he added her she declined him. I just felt so sorry for her the other day because she said "I'm never going to be a mum am i?". I don't know if she has low self confidence or something but she has asked men on dates before and invited a couple of guys to hers (not for anything naughty lol) but like I said it has never gone anywhere.
It made me feel sad because when she asked us how she can find a boyfriend she just looked like a lost little girl and I just wanted to grab her and give her a hug. I really don't know what to do she has loads of friends we only go round to hers for a drink of tea and it's not very regularly because all her friends have boyfriends or work with us and with us having dodgy shift patterns it's difficult for us to have time off to go around to hers. She said that on her holiday week off work she stayed in her flat all week and was lonely, so I said "you should have checked the rota and seen who was off and invited them around, I would have come up" and she says I don't want to burden you" I have told her time and time again it's not burdening me in her Friend and would come up if I was free. Like today she finished work at 4.45 and I had the day off so I text her at 4.50 asking if she'd like to go for tea and she didn't text back for an hour and a half and then she said she had put her tea on. It's so difficult and frustrating because she is a really nice person and it upsets me to think of her spending all her time alone and now she's finally admitted she's lonely and wants a relationship I feel there is something I can do to help but the question is : what?
Sorry for the long post but I have tried to give the full extent of what she's like and how difficult she can be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am worried about her because she keeps saying she's depressed because she's on her own.
Anyway she usually says "oh I'm not bothered about men I'm just going to end up as a crazy cat lady" to any conversation involving men. But the other day she came over to me and another friend at work and said "how can I find a boyfriend"?. This is the first time she has ever asked for advice on finding a boyfriend, we've tried giving her advice and helping her out loads of times but she usually just says she's not bothered and what will be will be.
I think now she has finally told herself she needs to do something about it rather than having a negative attitude towards men and relationships. But I couldn't answer her question properly because I don't know how she can find a boyfriend. She is stuck in her ways and only comes to work, goes home, goes shopping and to her mums house. We have tried inviting her out with us and on the odd occasion she does come but most of the time she will make an excuse like she has to go food shopping or she's visiting her mum. Another work friend has invited her on holiday and she just says no. I have tried setting her up on a date with my boyfriends friend and told her to add him on Facebook and she said she can't find him on there and when he added her she declined him. I just felt so sorry for her the other day because she said "I'm never going to be a mum am i?". I don't know if she has low self confidence or something but she has asked men on dates before and invited a couple of guys to hers (not for anything naughty lol) but like I said it has never gone anywhere.
It made me feel sad because when she asked us how she can find a boyfriend she just looked like a lost little girl and I just wanted to grab her and give her a hug. I really don't know what to do she has loads of friends we only go round to hers for a drink of tea and it's not very regularly because all her friends have boyfriends or work with us and with us having dodgy shift patterns it's difficult for us to have time off to go around to hers. She said that on her holiday week off work she stayed in her flat all week and was lonely, so I said "you should have checked the rota and seen who was off and invited them around, I would have come up" and she says I don't want to burden you" I have told her time and time again it's not burdening me in her Friend and would come up if I was free. Like today she finished work at 4.45 and I had the day off so I text her at 4.50 asking if she'd like to go for tea and she didn't text back for an hour and a half and then she said she had put her tea on. It's so difficult and frustrating because she is a really nice person and it upsets me to think of her spending all her time alone and now she's finally admitted she's lonely and wants a relationship I feel there is something I can do to help but the question is : what?
Sorry for the long post but I have tried to give the full extent of what she's like and how difficult she can be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am worried about her because she keeps saying she's depressed because she's on her own.
it's difficult as I don't want to offend her by suggesting counselling although I do agree she may Benefit from it, it's just how to drop it into conversation X
